There’s an unwritten rule on this website that states that upon returning from an extended trip, whether land or sea-based (and let’s be honest, it’s almost always sea-based), I write down a quick summary of what we got up to, any annoyances, any highlights, and any thoughts related to the trip as a whole. There’s another unwritten rule on this website that states that my definition of a quick summary and other people’s definitions of a quick summary vary wildly and hardly anyone agrees with me. Both rules will now be followed.

So, we’re back off a cruise that ticked off a lot of firsts for us.

  • First time on Caribbean Princess, the only remaining Grand-class ship in the Princess fleet with the Skywalkers nightclub accessed via travelator.
  • First time visiting Sardinia, Málaga, Casablanca, and Madeira for us.
  • First time visiting Africa at all for my wife.
  • First Trans-Atlantic crossing.

The cruise itself could be broadly split into two parts: the part where we visited ports, then the part where we cruised across the Atlantic.

Civitavecchia, Italy

We’ve cruised into and out of Civitavecchia before but on those occasions both were accompanied by organised transfers to and from the airport with the cruise line. This time we did it ourselves, flying into the airport on the morning of the cruise, then making it super-quickly through airport immigration and baggage retrieval, then heading outside to where there was a line of fixed-price taxis to the port (€130 at the time of writing this). However, we were approached by a man who asked us where we wanted to go then led us back into the airport to enter some details before telling us it was €160 in cash to go with him instead. This sounds ominous but it was an option to travel in a larger, more luxurious car and to get driven to the ship in the port rather than outside it with the taxis where we’d need to walk in or take a port shuttle bus the rest of the way. We opted to go for this marginally more expensive option and, given the distance we’d have had to cover by bus or on foot afterwards, we were glad of it. The less said about the terrifying driving, though, the better. We’d seen these limo pick-ups and ship-side drop-offs advertised online at far higher than the additional €30 we paid (some at twice the taxi price, for instance) so the deal was decent, to us.

Boarding Caribbean Princess in Civitavecchia was utterly chaotic because we’d unfortunately arrived at the same time as pretty much everyone. Long snaking queues to check in turned into a rammed, uncontrollable crowd (Americans don’t like to miss their lunch) all waiting for their boarding ticket number to be called in order to try to squeeze through an unyielding mass and into the next snaking queue through security. However, our Elite status did allow us to bypass most of the crowd and jump the ticket-calling sequence so it was only moderately hellish for us. A small matter, though.

Sardinia, Italy

With this cruise finishing outside the EU we bizarrely had to go through immigration as we disembarked on a tour at Sardinia just one day after doing it in Rome in order to mark us as leaving the EU (in the hands of the cruise line), even though we’d still be visiting four more ports inside the EU afterwards. The oddities of countries and their border controls. All very quickly done, though.

In Sardinia we took a trip to the middle of the Italian island and a visit to a Bronze Age settlement that’s difficult to describe, but utterly fabulous. A nuraghe comprises a central tower of basalt blocks, with additional towers and chambers around it, all of it constructed in a manner that reminded us of a termite nest. Something organic. Something decidedly awkward to clamber through, that’s for sure. Picture the tower and chambers and walls and corridors of rooms outside all in dark stone blocks, then picture a single route into the tower halfway-up, that then ascends over the top then down into the central section, all through very narrow, very dark passages with very uneven steps (some barely enough to fit a foot on sideways, some with drops as deep as your knee) and areas you have to duck under or lean sideways past while also going up or down at the time. Add two cruise tour groups and several independent groups into the mix and the fact that it’s single column with no passing point anywhere. Wonderful congestion and chaos. A great claustrophobic journey that saw us trapped in the central tower for ages waiting for others to leave and then others to arrive, and saw us late back to the ship. Loved it.

Málaga, Spain

We’d done a bit of research about places we’d like to visit in Málaga that I thought my wife would be able to make on foot despite her history of dodgy knees and hips and ankles. We’d ruled out any tours because they all headed so far inland that they ate up all the time on the bus, but we’d seen a Moorish structure and some Roman ruins and a cathedral and a great-looking brewery that seemed to tick all our boxes.

What we couldn’t research ahead of time, however, was the weather. We knew a few days ahead that it would be rainy and that there were weather warnings in place. We knew we’d still go ashore and get wet. We were about to do just that, standing a few metres from the gangway in a small queue of people thinking the same thought as us when the captain announced nobody else was leaving. All the shops ashore were closed so the people who did get out got wet but nothing else. We’d have been okay doing the same, we thought, until that weather really started to show up. Lightning, thunder, rain, and even huge hail stones pelting down around the top deck. And the rain: it was torrential. Our balcony drain couldn’t cope and was shooting a fountain of overflowing water back up a dozen centimetres into the air.

Casablanca, Morocco

We took a ten-hour tour here that first saw us driven up to the capital, Rabat. Eventually. Casablanca traffic is on another level. Traffic lights appear to be a suggestion. The horn is king. It was chaos that at one point saw us snarled up so bad that someone from one car ran across the road to start directing the idiots who refused to drive sensibly in order to free up the jam.

Rabat was very pretty. Very clean, lots of interesting buildings. We went straight to lunch in a twelfth century riad (traditional Moroccan courtyard house) and the lunch was fabulous, and huge. A salad course followed by tagine followed by couscous followed by fruit and mint tea and cookies, with each course a meal in its own right.

From there we visited the kasbah, the twelfth century citadel with gorgeous garden area and lovely views out across the water. We then visited a mausoleum before returning to Casablanca.

In Casablanca we were given a driven highlights tour through a bit more of that terrible traffic (not as bad as the morning, though), and had photo stops of the shoreline mosque plus a stop for some shopping.

We thoroughly enjoyed this port and already know what we’d do if we visited again.

Funchal, Madeira

At the second time of trying we made it to Madeira for the first time. I’d already rejected the excursions as being too expensive (Princess prices compared to those we’d seen years before with P&O were unjustifiably high) and not too interesting. Our plan was to instead see what we could get ashore. But the weather had other ideas. The day started with rain that literally put a damper on any more out-there ideas so we walked (with occasional stops to shelter) to the cable car and rode that to the top of the mountain, took some photos, considered the botanical gardens but realised the weather would be an issue here too, then headed back down.

We had a bit more of a wander in the city and saw some lovely street art decorating the doors in an old area, visited the cathedral that my wife thought was one of the most hideous churches she’d ever seen, then spent some time in the brightening conditions at a brewery, wishing that the sunshine we were now being treated to had been there earlier in the day. The beer was locally-made, which was good, but it wasn’t very good, which, er, wasn’t very good. The point is to experience it, though, because taste is subjective.

Tenerife

The only port we’d been to before was Santa Cruz de Tenerife, although when we’d visited previously we’d headed off on a tour to the middle of the island and seen nothing of the capital. This time we walked.

We’d arrived on a day when an 8K, a 21K, and a full marathon were all taking place along the waterfront so it was filled with people jogging and running and many roads were closed. I don’t know how this affected bus tours but for us this was lovely to be immersed in and to not have to try to remember which way to look when crossing roads.

We walked past the auditorium and a small castle – both providing loads of opportunities for great photos – and made our way to the Palmetum gardens. Having glorious weather helped a lot, but the location also made this so memorable. Beautiful botanical gardens arranged around global geographical zones on a hill (though an easy one even for us to get up and around thanks to the gentle paths) with views out to sea or back across the city or to the oil refinery just made this a dream for photography. By some way, Palmetum is my most favourite botanical garden I’ve ever visited.

We then walked to the carnival museum which was free to enter and had a lot of nice costumes and history of the event on the island that’s worth learning. Not the biggest place, but worth a nose.

We finished our limited time on Tenerife in a craft ale bar selling beers made on the island or part of the Canaries as a whole. As this was a Sunday they were only open for a few hours and we were there for almost all of them. This place was great, had great beer, and we even chatted with one of the locals about the beers. Had to buy glasses as souvenirs and I’m happy to report that they made it back home intact.

Trans-Atlantic Cruise

There’s not a lot to say about the next eight days spent at sea. There was the sea to see and the sun to soak up on our balcony (with plenty of Factor 50 on, of course). There was trivia to occasionally take part in (we often forgot while just reading on our balcony) and drinks to order to the room and food to try in various dining rooms and restaurants. Most nights were spent in the nightclub and we were pleased to meet up with some crew we’d cruised with previously here. We swam when we could in the adults-only pool but that was only a few times as the ship only needs the slightest of rolls to it before they empty it and net it off for safety reasons. Bloody spoilsports. We made friends, and I even made an enemy. We don’t really do any entertainment things generally – the shows, the comedians, talks, etc. – but typically hear most of the artists in most lounges at some point. The musical talent wasn’t to our taste, he says diplomatically. Plenty of people enjoyed the acts, though.

The most noticeable and surprising aspect which shouldn’t have been surprising at all was the complete absence of birds for a week. A distant view of a ship on one day was the only thing above the horizon that wasn’t blue sky or small, puffy clouds. Lots of flying fish were spotted, however, and they’re always fun to watch soaring over the waves and making sharp turns in the air. But that lack of birds was disconcerting once I’d become aware of it; like something wrong with the world.

We had some nice thunderstorms at night on a few of the early days; the sort with sheet lightning illuminating the clouds from behind in rolling patterns across the sky, but with no rain and no sound of thunder either. Otherwise the stars were our friends in the darkness, and we loved just sitting out in the gentle warmth of night on the balcony after the nightclub with a final drink to hand, listening to the waves, and staring at the distant points of light. Our idea of relaxation perfected.

Was eight days at sea too much? It’s right on the threshold for me. I did enjoy the relaxation aspect but I was missing some port stops by the end. And they’d run out of bananas towards the climax of the cruise with no way to restock so my wife wasn’t pleased with her Dirty Banana cocktail being removed as an option. I don’t know that I’d be too keen to take a cruise with more sea days than that. I’d still do it, of course, because it’s a cruise.

Fort Lauderdale, USA

With a flight after 17:00 we were able to book a debark tour that would then drop us at Miami airport and this turned out to be a lovely boat ride along Fort Lauderdale’s waterways with mansions of the rich and famous pointed out to us. Getting off the ship in the first place was more nightmarish than trying to embark although this was the result of the facial recognition systems in the port crashing meaning checks of all passengers and crew had to be made manually. The boat ride on the “Carrie B”, however, was very enjoyable and a great way to finish off our cruise.

Miami Airport’s immigration and customs was not a great deal better than Fort Lauderdale’s cruise port’s. Everyone directed to long queues only to then be told that it would be faster if we joined a queue we’d been told not to join then instead, then too few scanners and not enough space to put your shoes back on after taking them off for the fetishists who insist on these things. Irritatingly poorly-organised.

Caribbean Princess Cruise Ship

Caribbean Princess had just completed a dry dock before we boarded so she’d had a fresh coat of paint outside, some engineering upgrades done, and a refresh of some equipment in public areas. We didn’t see any evidence of refreshing in the cabin, though – some old stains on the carpet, the bed’s mattress on its last legs, for example – but the balcony had taken a hit because of that exterior work. There was paint splatter and rust chips over the seating and balcony area for us and, we could see, everyone else around, and this didn’t seem to be on the agenda for cleaning. I’m not blaming the room stewards; they have enough to be getting on with without having to wash down the large balconies too. But it should have had at least one clean before we boarded.

The casino on deck 7 rather than lower as we’re used to on other ships of this class meant our usual process of leaving the room, walking down a few flights, then passing through deck 7 to see which lounge would entice us (i.e. which one had spare seats) involved having to walk through the only interior space where smoking is still allowed. How lovely. Not too bad because the number of smokers seemed quite low, thankfully, but still unpleasant enough. Interestingly, there was no bar in the casino. I think that’s a recent change from talking to a bar steward we knew from a previous ship.

Otherwise, if you’ve cruised on a Grand-class ship with Princess Cruises before then everything was as you’d expect. Food was the usual mix of very good, okay, and occasionally not great. We ate at both speciality restaurants – Crown Grill and Sabatini’s – and used our Princess Plus package perks to dine in both Steamers Seafood and Planks BBQ sections of the marketplace buffet area. The food in all those places was great, but the portion sizes, especially in those last two, were enormous. It’s physically impossible to eat everything you’re given without rupturing something. For us this detracts slightly from the experience because you’re either leaving a lot of food to go to waste or you’re leaving the table feeling uncomfortable, and actually, you’re likely doing both. Outstanding quality food, though.

We had just one issue with the OceanNow service to order drinks with those simply not arriving and then an hour and a half later letting us know they’d been delivered to the venue we were no longer in. We had several issues with food orders being wrong. These would be the afternoon snacks on our balcony we’d have if we couldn’t be bothered leaving the room and heading somewhere – a sandwich, a side of crisps, and a drink – and you wouldn’t think you could get much wrong there but we had the wrong sides often, the wrong condiments a couple of times, and the wrong sandwich once. Minor annoyances that show a lack of concentration on the part of those preparing the orders. Also, the bread for sandwiches is so stale. It’s impressively poor quality for a premium cruise line.

Princess Cruises

Communication remains a big problem for Princess Cruises, and I know I could probably swap the cruise line out there for any large company, but if you’re in the service industry and relying on customers being happy to make your company successful then a little bit of information can turn that irritation into understanding and stop it becoming the sort of anger that ends up with people ranting on social media. That disembarkation chaos was only mentioned to us by a port worker after we’d been queueing for an hour. There were a lot of grumpy people trying to get off Caribbean Princess – some with flights they’d be worried about – who’d at least known it wasn’t the fault of Princess Cruises if they’d been told. Communication issues were largely at fault for some of the Elite-related problems we found aboard, too.

We’d assumed the Elite Lounge had been discontinued as a cost-cutting measure as there was no mention of it anywhere, and that’s what I duly reported online. That wasn’t true; Princess simply didn’t let us know it was still taking place and relied instead on us being at the other end of the ship to notice it ourselves, which we only did with two days left of the cruise. Similarly for the complimentary wine-tasting we should have received: nothing in the cabin to tell us when it was so we could plan for it. The Captain’s Circle event was frankly embarrassing and by far the worst of its kind we’ve ever been to. It’s labelled as a celebration and event to thank us for our loyalty. They usually follow this format: pass by the officers, maybe shake a hand or two, get a seat, have some drinks, have some nibbles, have some more drinks, hear the speeches from the cruise director and the loyalty manager and maybe someone else before the captain says something abut the ship and cruise line plans, get offered more drinks and nibbles, see who’s cruised the most and get jealous, watch the draws for free champagne, photos with the captain if you want, some more drinks while the band play. We’re on a drinks package and the free drinks aren’t great, but it’s definitely an event. This one was: pass by the officers, get a seat, get a drink, get a nibble, hear one short talk from a manager explaining what the loyalty levels are (we were all Platinum or Elite there so, yeah, we know this already) and some stats for numbers of guests of each type, a very brief thank you from the captain, the draws for the champagne, and that’s it. We were expected to leave barely fifteen minutes after it had started, which was only about twice as long as we’d queued to get in. We didn’t see another waiter after the only drink and nibble. It was a complete waste of everyone’s time and it could have been better rendered as a thank you paragraph with stats in the daily Princess Patter rather than all the effort taken and sense of deflation we felt afterwards.

The continuing big issue and degradation of service as a whole with Princess Cruises comes from the number of staff present. I know that anybody who’s cruised a lot with any line can likely say the same thing, but cruising really is not as good as it used to be. There was a pandemic several years ago that we could all point at and say things like “Well, they took a hit there and it’s understandable that they need to claw back some losses and we can accept that maybe some things have changed” for a while, but the cruise lines are now doing well once more – best years ever, in some cases – and far from gradually returning to the good levels of staffing and training and management processes they’re clearly seeing the numbers right now and thinking “Yeah, people are prepared to pay more for less – especially newer cruisers who don’t know how it used to be – which means we can probably reduce options even further and probably make more things an additional charge and probably reduce quality a little bit too even as we reduce quantity in places, and won’t the shareholders just love us for making those decisions!?”

A lot of the shareholders don’t actually like those decisions but they’re useful hypocrites to big companies because they like the extra on-board credit they get for holding stock so there’s not a single one of them that would offer to give up that perk in return for lower dividends and extra staff on ships. Those extra staff might be used by other people, after all, and capitalism abhors selflessness. So, Princess Cruises, like a lot of other lines, are slowly taking away all those things that made them special and melding into one big, unremarkable cruise line.

You used to be able to go to a lounge or bar and someone would spot this and come across very soon after and take your order and you’d get a drink, and that was nice and made you feel special. Almost everywhere on Caribbean Princess our only chance of getting a drink was to go to the bar because roving staff in bars across the ship in total was probably down to about five, and most of the time they were tasked with delivering drinks placed at the bar or with clearing empty glasses away. It was so very, very poor compared to older cruises, and the utter chaos of having a full wine bar one day with one person clearing, taking orders, taking the glasses to be cleaned, and trying to remember orders in his head to place afterwards for the single barman to make because using the tech at the table would slow him down too much ended up seeing us charged for loads of drinks that weren’t ours, using up all our drinks allowance for the day, and seeing me having to visit customer services to get them all removed. That’s a management issue and a company issue at large and we don’t blame the staff there at all. It’s also a more-and-more common complaint.

Then there’s the horrible news that Princess Cruises dumped on all their entertainments staff fleet-wide halfway through our cruise. Effectively, they were all subjected to a fire-and-rehire because, again, someone higher up the chain looking at their great yearly figures and overall sense that passengers must be happy in general to keep booking cruises in the numbers they have, thought “Well, I can see where we can squeeze a few more dollars out of every cruise now so that’s my bonus sorted and fuck everyone.” The result: assistant cruise directors gone, entertainments director gone, junior and senior positions gone, a lot of layers within the entertainments hierarchy gone, and now pretty much just one joint entertainments and cruise director with everyone below that level at the same easily-replaceable staff level.

Combine that treatment of the loyal guests we experienced with that treatment of the entertainments staff that now offers no real incentive to be better than the single grade available and doesn’t encourage any personalities to shine for promotion and you just get a money-making machine. Replaceable passengers (and more and more them crammed into larger ships with fewer spaces to accommodate them) and replaceable staff (and fewer and fewer of them because not enough people who matter are noticing the service dropping yet).

Which isn’t to say that cruising isn’t still wonderful and that we overall had an incredibly enjoyable time filled with relaxation and sea views and great interactions aboard. But for newer cruisers, just remember that however good you think cruising is now, trust me when I say that it’ll never be this good again. We’ll cruise with Princess Cruises again, and we’ll recommend them to the sort of people we think might appreciate their admittedly less-distinguishable and less-distinguished product, and we’ll probably do it for years to come with subsequent write-ups about how it’s all getting even worse while still having a fabulous cruise. I’m a human (as far as you know) and I’m getting older, and moaning about how things used to be better is a right that I intend to keep exercising. I take a lot of photos and keep the blogs going because I simply want evidence to support my rants, and at no point do I expect anything to change for the better because I’m not completely crazy.

Anyway…

Told you it’d be a quick summary and that you wouldn’t agree with it.

The usual blah-blah-blah about full write-ups and photos of the cruise being along in the dim and distant future when I get around to it to finish off this update, and now we’ve just got to get through the horrifying wait of almost four months until we cruise again, but we’re looking forward to a new cruise line for us and a load of new ports on that one so that should be good.

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