Barcelona Cathedral And The Gothic Quarter

We started with lunch on the pavement not far from La Sagrada Família and a very much needed beer after the amount of walking we’d done. Afterwards we headed off for some more foot-based punishment with camera in hand. The route we walked took us through the Gothic Quarter of Barcelona with us using the easily-spottable cathedral as a guide.

La Rambla

As we emerged onto La Rambla we made for a tapas place almost immediately as my brother had a thing in his mind about wanting to go in one while he was in Barcelona. It hadn’t been long since we’d eaten but we entertained his wish since he was so accommodating with my frequent stops to take photos of the Spanish city’s sights.

We then went for a short walk along a small part of La Rambla as we realised we were becoming a little pressed for time in order to make our bus back. I found La Rambla fascinating and could easily have spent a few hours on it just photographing all the people. The street was filled with various entertainers and stalls targeting tourists.

There are a huge number of side streets and alleyways off La Rambla and it would have been good to pop along them all to see what wonderful secrets they held but we restricted ourselves to just the one towards the top end: Carrer dels Tallers.

Plaça de Catalunya

From there we emerged onto Plaça de Catalunya, a large square in the centre of Barcelona with a number of sculptures and a large fountain display.

One of the roads off the square was our final destination. Down Passeig de Gràcia was where we were to meet the bus that would return us to the rest of our family waiting for us back at the hotel in Cap de Salou.

Our walking tour took us in as far as Lions Square where the early-17th century Morosini Fountain was located. There were a few street entertainers here (of the “human statue” type) who would hilariously trap people or take items off them until our tour guide told them in Greek what I suspected to be “Fuck off and leave my group alone!” Generally, though, I’d have to say that all the Greek people we met on our Mediterranean cruise were some of the friendliest locals we’ve encountered on our travels. One of our guides explained at one point that they realised that for as poor a country as Greece is tourism is absolutely vital so good humour and manners were equally required assets.

During our free time period my wife and I broke with our tradition of immediately going off for a wander and headed for a café instead to get some beers and something to eat; the heat of Knossos had really taken it out of us. It wasn’t too long, though, before we did stroll around some of the streets off the centre of Heraklion in search of anything architecturally appealing. We didn’t have a huge amount of time, though, and we’d decided earlier that we’d head back on the coach, again, because it had been so hot.

The last point of interest as we made our way back to where the various coaches were parked was the Venetian era Bembo Fountain, built in the mid-16th century and the first time the citizens of Heraklion would have seen running water in the city.

Hey! Remember me saying that the tour guide wanted people to tell him if they were making their own way back to the ship so the coach wasn’t waiting beyond its due time? Well, funny story… We ended up waiting around for twenty minutes after we were due to meet. Ten of those were for a couple who couldn’t tell the time. And the other ten were for another couple who decided to head back to the ship on their own and didn’t tell anyone because it’s their holiday and they’ll do what they like and who cares about other people, right? Nice, eh?

Back on board the cruise ship and after some much needed showering and rehydrating we saw a very pleasing dusk sky beyond the hills surrounding the port of Heraklion.

Should we return to Denmark we’d probably explore its capital city but for this trip we’d booked a full day excursion that my wife had titled “Castles, Castles, Castles”. The first of the castles we were to visit was the home of the Danish Museum of National History, Frederiksborg Castle.

It was built as a royal residence for King Christian IV of Denmark-Norway in the early 17th century, replacing an older castle acquired by Frederick II and becoming the largest Renaissance residence in Scandinavia. Situated on three islets in the Slotssøen (castle lake), it is adjoined by a large formal garden in the Baroque style.

The castle building had suffered a serious fire in 1859, although most of the artwork inside had been saved. Reconstruction allowed the place to be opened up to the public around twenty years later and was undertaken due in part to donations from the founder of the Carlsberg Brewery, J.C. Jacobsen. The fountain in the courtyard was a replica produced at the same time, the original having been taken by Sweden during wars with the country in the centuries beforehand.

Many of the artefacts of the castles we would visit during this excursion had been taken by Sweden and the grudges were certainly still present. While our guide on the tour was Australian the driver was Danish and had taken the microphone on the coach at one point to ask if anyone on the coach knew what to do if they saw a Swede drowning.

“No,” we replied, assuming it to be a serious question.

“Good,” was his response.

As you can see we had wonderful weather for our visit to Frederiksborg Castle and we’d had a very easy drive to the historic location too, arriving in plenty of time to take a leisurely walk beside the gardens, stopping for a discussion of the history, then onto the exterior courtyard area to the rear of the castle. The museum part of the castle wasn’t yet open so there was a chance to grab some photos of the Neptune fountain and other buildings in the area.

Crossing a short bridge we entered into the walled courtyard part of the castle. This gave some in our group a chance to use the toilet and our guide to pick up the tickets for our visit. Other than a handful of pairs of tourists there was only one other tour group which got our guide quite excited as he’d never visited the castle when it wasn’t heaving with people.

The interior of Frederiksborg Castle is covered here.

Our guide was very knowledgable about the region of Poland in which we were in and the history of the area (medieval, wartime, and Solidarity movement era) but his manner of speaking was a little monotonous so the drive from Gdynia passed without much to recall. We drove through Sopot and past both the impressive Gdańsk stadium and the Monument To The Fallen Shipyard Workers Of 1970, either of which would have made nice photo stops but it was not to be on this trip. Eventually, we parked up at the Podwale Przedmiejskie close to the archaeological museum and commenced our walk to the Green Bridge and to the outskirts of Gdańsk’s Main Town.

Stopping for occasional history lessons and to give some people a chance to pop into one of the amber stores along the Gdańsk waterfront we eventually passed through the Brama Chlebnicka entrance into the Main Town then immediately turned right in order to hit Mariacka Street. Brama Chlebnicka was the oldest of the three main gothic water gates and the one that suffered the least damage in the bombings of World War II, requiring the least amount of rebuilding work. We were constantly reminded that a lot of what we would see in Gdańsk had been heavily damaged during the war but it wasn’t until we got back onto our coach at the end of our excursion that we were handed before and after photographs of the area; they made for very sobering viewing but also attested to the great work of the people in rebuilding afterwards.

Mariacka Street is the centre of Gdańsk’s amber jewellery trade and was an incredibly photogenic location. Before we’d travelled to Poland we knew that we wanted to hit this street to see the cobbles and the ornate stonework decorations (with some very bizarre designs) of former merchant houses now turned into craft shops. Our guide pointed out numerous places of interest along here and I made a point to fix the location in mind as I knew that our free time would see us return here in search of something for my wife.

From Mariacka Street we tracked around St Mary’s Church (where we would be visiting next) and stopped at the Fontanna Czterech Kwartalow (or Four Quarters Fountain) to hear about it and the area we were in. The fountains have coloured lights set into their bases and can produce fabulous light and water shows to entertain people although it was broad daylight when we visited and they were rather more standard in appearance. As we stood here listening to our guide I was approached by a local who was interested in our group, who we were, where we were from, what we’d seen, etc. I had to explain that while I and my wife were English the overwhelming majority of people in our group were American and that we were coming to the end of our cruise around the Baltic Sea. He seemed genuinely interested in us and cruising and in the places we’d seen and it was nice to interact with someone like that in that setting.

We finished this guided walk part of our excursion outside the entrance of St Mary’s Church (or the Basilica of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary to give it its proper title) while our guide sorted out tickets for us to enter.

Normally, we don’t really visit a place with the intention of doing much shopping; our main drive with visiting places is to experience the culture, learn a bit about the history, and – and this may come as a bit of a surprise to you – take a huge amount of photos. However, Poland and the Baltic region just happen to be good sources of amber and my wife just happens to be a keen admirer of jewellery (unique pieces, usually, not diamonds for the sake of it, for instance) and so there was a determination during this part of our excursion to hunt down something specific: cherry amber in a white gold, platinum, or (grudgingly) silver setting; necklace or ring. With the number of amber stalls and shops we’d already passed we felt certain of success in this endeavour.

We began our Gdańsk amber hunt in the Long Market ducking into a number of shops in swift succession and grabbing a few pictures of the area outside between ventures.

The most prominent building along the Long Market on account of its architecture being notably different from that of all the other businesses along the pedestrianised area was the Gdańsk Historical Museum. Were we to return to Poland and to this city this looks like it would be the sort of place we’d like to spend some time inside.

With the places we hit along the Long Market proving fruitless in our continuing search for amber we headed back to Mariacka Street, having already been there during our earlier guided walk. There were few reasons to take photos with pictures already having been taken and we were keen to get through as many stalls and shops as possible. The people were very helpful as we asked after the dark red jewellery my wife wanted and one owner even acted as a translator for another whose English wasn’t great.

Ultimately, however, we decided to call it quits in our shopping quest in Gdańsk. Orange amber was in abundance and while we found a few pieces that were cherry they were either as brooches or with yellow gold. With flights from London to Poland being available for ridiculously low prices we won’t rule out a weekend return to the country at some point and we’d be more than happy to hit Gdańsk again too.

By this time we were hot, hungry, and thirsty so went off in search of something to satisfy our needs. I tried to find something local initially but we were ignored when we went in so left after a few minutes and we ended up back in the Long Market and at something more of a chain called Fahrenheit. We ordered local beers along with burgers and fries (not what I really wanted but I can’t complain about any of it; all very tasty indeed and recommended if you don’t want to dine too local).

We had a little bit of time left before we’d have to meet up with our tour group again so we headed back along the Long Market towards the Golden Gate end. On the way we stopped to look at Neptune’s Fountain, made from bronze and completed in 1633 and designed to have the Roman god of the sea facing where royalty would stay with his head lowered in respect.

I grabbed what photos I could as we headed back to the Green Gate where we would meet our guide and the rest of our group. We were very nearly the last ones back to the meeting point which is unusual for us as we’re typically early but I can blame keeping an eye out for any missed amber shops for that. And not my need to photograph nearly everything we passed.

With everyone gathered together we headed over the bridge and made our way back to the coach, a walk of only about five minutes.

As I’ve mentioned in the first of the Gdańsk articles this was a city that suffered heavy damage during the second world war. We hadn’t realised until back on the coach just how much damage there had been until our guide passed around some before-and-after restoration photos of various buildings we’d seen and in some cases places we assumed were centuries old had been little more than a pile of rubble in 1945. Gdańsk was a lovely city to spend time in and the area inside the gated walls was particularly attractive; a recommended place to visit.

With no trip booked we could afford a leisurely breakfast and a quick nose at the mainland and island areas of Hong Kong from the port side of the ship afterwards. Like that from our balcony this was a dull affair but the humidity that formed those clouds was palpable and the forecast was for the sun to burn off the cover over the city as the day progressed. Anchored off the port side of Diamond Princess was the Starry Metropolis, a 1976-built, 650-passenger capacity entertainment venue for locals looking for dining and entertainment on the water without ever going very far. Its nightclub looks awesome.

We only had a general idea of things we wanted to do in Hong Kong having visited the city for a couple of days ten years earlier and having done the obvious tourist attractions then such as ascending Victoria Peak. We decided that we’d take advantage of the shuttle bus to a Hong Kong Mass Transit Railway (MTR) stop then head towards the south of the mainland to see if anything grabbed our attention and possibly do some jade shopping before ferrying across the harbour to the island for a nose around there too. We had toyed with the idea of heading over to Lantau Island but chose something a little closer as we’re not the most confident users of foreign public transport and we were keen to see if we recognised any of the buildings we’d spotted on our first trip.

We’d been told that there were two shuttle buses running from Kai Tak terminal: one would drop passengers off at Diamond Hill MTR station and one would drop passengers off at Kwun Tong MTR station. The former was more in the direction we wanted to go but as we wandered to the buses we discovered we’d have to wait an hour to go there whereas the shuttle to the latter station would leave in just a few minutes. As both stations were on the same line it didn’t make a huge difference so we opted for the earlier bus.

Public transport everywhere in Hong Kong is very cheap. At Kwun Tong MTR station we admired the easy-to-understand screens and ticket machines and duly picked our destination only to discover that the machines had a minimum spend to use and that due to those low prices we’d need to queue up at a booth and talk to a human instead. The horror! That minor irritation aside, using the MTR was dead simple and the train itself, though crowded, provided a very handy lit-up display indicating current station, direction of travel, and upcoming stations.

We alighted at Yau Ma Tei as a tiny bit of investigation online had shown that this would be closest to some jade shops and my wife was after a piece of white jade in white gold that she couldn’t afford when we’d previously visited on our honeymoon.

It was fabulous to be walking the streets among the tall buildings of Hong Kong. I’m drawn to repetitive patterns in architecture so modern buildings always appeal photographically but there’s something extra joyous about being in a city that’s clearly grown and had sections replaced over the years almost organically so that each of those individual blocks of patterns is often sandwiched between completely different styles and colours; that patchwork quilt of buildings rather than a planned, matching set feels so much more warm and alive and welcoming. Add to that the grime of activity and the stuck-on signs of human life you tend to find in Asian countries such as air conditioning units and drying clothing both dripping onto the streets, the bamboo scaffolding, and the banners exhorting the saleability or rental status of anything and everything and I’m in my element in city locations like this.

So, we’d done a little bit of homework and knew where the jade shops were but if we’d just done a little bit more we’d have realised that most of them wouldn’t open for another hour after we were in the area. We found a few we could browse within but the choices on offer were understandably small and, disappointed and already starting to really feel the claustrophobic heat bearing down from above and reflecting off every surface, we had a small rest in the relatively tranquil Yau Ma Tei Community Centre Rest Garden next to a number of temples in order to check the map and make new semi-plans.

We wanted to hit the southern coast of the mainland where the Star Ferry terminals were which was only one or two MTR stops away depending on which station we might pick to head that way. But, one or two stops sounded a lot like walking distance to us because we weren’t paying attention to map scales well enough and were assuming distances were similar to London Underground distances. They’re not, as you’ve no doubt already surmised. We’d also spotted a large area of greenery about halfway to where we wanted to go which seemed like a sensible landmark to aim for.

This ended up being a lot longer walk than we had expected not just because the blocks were larger than we’d accounted for but also partly because we started zig-zagging through the city in order to seek out shade from the rising sun directly ahead of us for much of the walk.

Kowloon Park

That large area of greenery turned out to be Kowloon Park, a former-British Army barracks demolished in 1970 for the purpose, and the entrance we chose to explore this 33-acre public park was decorated with artwork on the steps leading up to it and the Avenue Of Comic Stars just inside. I won’t pretend to know who any of the comic stars actually were but if this is something you’ve got an interest in then there are plenty of opportunities to pose beside the sometimes-larger-than-life-size sculptures dotted around.

The shade from trees and the cooling effect of the proximity to water called out to us and heading roughly southwest through Kowloon Park we next stumbled upon a lake with sheltered areas on and around it (we happened upon quite a few locals sleeping on the benches, though as something they were just doing to rest rather than from being homeless). More importantly as far as my wife was concerned was the presence of a large number of turtles on logs and in the water; she’s always had a thing for turtles.

Beyond the lake, its pagoda, and surrounding buildings there was an area of Kowloon Park given over to modern art sculptures by different artists in a number of different materials. We spent a pleasant few minutes wandering amongst the stylish forms to see how they appeared from different angles. Some worked better against the trees nearby whilst others were lost a little to the background of skyscrapers in Hong Kong but it was a nice little area in the park.

With a short break to use the public toilets and admire a high-shooting fountain we soon after reached the southern end of the park which contained a couple of mostly-enclosed, lawned areas containing signs warning about fines and arrests for people feeding the pigeons. We saw a woman feeding pigeons there but decided not to photograph her because we are all for little rebellious acts.

In the next post we’ll continue our walk towards Tsim Sha Tsui and the Star Ferry crossing across to Hong Kong Island.

The evening’s cruise excursion was to see Lima’s fountain light show, more commonly known as the Magic Water Circuit, taking place in the Park of the Reserve. The circuit consists of over a dozen different fountains around the park which currently hold the world record for the largest fountain complex in the world. There is a thrice-nightly laser and picture show on the longest of the fountains and it is this that is the biggest draw for the crowds.

With the fountain light show excursion being one of only two organised excursions off the ship in the evening (the other being a city drive and meal) it was a pretty popular one and there were a lot of buses gathered alongside Star Princess for our 17:00 departure. We boarded and were off at a snail’s pace through the industrial port for obvious safety reasons, but once into the city we… didn’t really pick up much speed either. The Park of the Reserve is about 8 or 9 kilometres from Callao. We’d already had the sheer joy that was spending an hour each way in the morning to get to the slightly farther away district of Miraflores so our expectation was that, at most, it would take us 45 minutes to get to where we needed to be.

But no.

I don’t think I could ever recommend anyone driving in Lima. It is horrendous. Now, there was a mitigating factor for this visit as it was on the same night as a football match taking place in Estadio Nacional, Peru’s national stadium. The biggest problem there is that Estadio Nacional is right next to Parque de la Reserva. Even still, the traffic long before we hit the centre of Lima was awful.

Our excursion included driving past some important buildings with an explanation of the history behind them and this was all still done despite the clock ticking down to when the light show would start. Our bus then had to wait what seemed an eternity for the police – doing their best to direct the rolling traffic jam into free areas – to allow us to park and get out. We got to the park with ten minutes to spare before the start of the 19:15 show. That’s over two hours to get us no more than 9 kilometres from the port in case you failed GCSE maths.

But wait! There are toilets!

Yes, there is a block of toilets just inside the entrance to the park and if you’ve ever been on a cruise ship excursion then you know that any toilets mean a toilet stop for half the people on your bus. And so we waited and looked at the time and stared at the nearby fountains and listened to our guide count how many of us were gathered and try to work out how many were still in a cubicle doing whatever they needed to do that couldn’t possibly have been done on the bus in transit.

Fantasia Fountain

Fantasia Fountain (Fuente de la Fantasia) was the main fountain we’d come to see. This is the 120-metre-long fountain with jets and lights that are synchronised to the laser and picture show. We arrived directly in front of it at the split second that the show started which was a relief for us although I have to wonder whether everyone else who’d taken this cruise excursion with Princess on this night felt the same way as our bus had been one of the first to get out of the port.

The show itself was excellent. Movie projections, music, sound effects, coloured jets, lasers, the works. There were a lot of people around, as you can imagine, but I got a decent view and didn’t block anyone else as I recorded the entire light show on my phone. Indeed, an older, American couple from our bus who were right beside me watched the show on my phone as it was easier for them to see and they told me what a wonderful phone I had as the show came to an end. Yes, I replied, it’s an excellent phone. Of course, you can’t see that video because it was lost in the Great Android Phone Video Sync Foul-Up Of 2019 which we never talk about. I was not thinking how excellent my phone was when that happened.

Tunnel Fountain Of Surprises

With the main laser and video show complete our group was taken on a walk around part of the rest of the water circuit in the park, eventually reaching the Tunnel Fountain Of Surprises (Fuente Túnel de las Sorpresas). This was a long arch of water jets that you could walk through and through which many people did. The “surprise” came from the fact that if you touched a jet of water and interrupted it then the interruption would carry along down the tunnel and spray anyone else ahead of you. A more appropriate name for this fountain might be Tunnel Fountain of Just Go Ahead And Drench Everyone because that’s pretty much all that happened. Lots of laughter, lots of shrieking, lots of people dripping with water emerging from the end, and, in our case, lots of not going anywhere near it because camera equipment is expensive.

Magic Fountain

Heading back towards the park’s entrance in order to return to the bus took us to Magic Fountain (Fuente Mágica). This was probably the singularly most attractive of the fountains we saw with some very nice pulses of light and jets taking place constantly before the water pressure built to shoot a single jet 80 metres high. It was very impressive to watch and with its lighting made for some nice photographs of people silhouetted in front of it.

Return To Callao And Evening Plans

And so we headed outside to hop back on our bus. Except it wasn’t there. Our bus could not get to us because of the traffic and because the police were still routing vehicles away from where they wanted to go. A long wait ensued. Buses were turning up away from where we were standing and people occasionally headed off to see if any of them were ours before returning with heads shaking. After what seemed like a lot longer in the sultry evening climate but what may have been only 20 minutes we got a wave from our guide to follow her and we traipsed off around a corner and down a road to finally board the bus to get us back to Callao. The best thing that can be said about the drive back was that it was definitely quicker than coming out but still quite tedious and far too long for our liking. By the time we were back at Star Princess we’d spent close to five hours on buses during our day in Lima.

We had originally planned to take the free shuttle bus from the port back out to Miraflores in order to enjoy the delights that Lima after-dark had to offer (and we’d set our sights on a local brewery in the area about 15 minutes from where the bus stop would drop us) but the combination of not wanting to spend another 90 minutes of our lives (best guess) aboard a bus that day along with discovering that the last bus returning to the port would mean we’d probably only get around 45 minutes to an hour of time in the capital’s pretty district led to us quickly changing our minds. Not only that, but one of the things we really like to do is drink local ales when we visit a new place and we’d already managed that during the morning’s trip. It was disappointing but just one of those things in the grand scheme of things.

So, bad luck for our visit to coincide with major roadworks in the city and a football match in the evening too. We would love to visit Lima and other places in Peru again because it’s somewhere that not a huge amount of cruise ships visit and there is plenty to see. The country is definitely working on improving its cruise port capabilities with better access to Pisco already underway and a dedicated terminal planned in Lima too so give it a few years and I can see us looking into making a return trip. The Lima fountain light show is worth a look if you’re in the city and it’s priced very reasonably if this is something you’re doing on your own; on a cruise excursion I’d maybe check football schedules ahead of time, though, before making any firm commitments.

We awoke with the sunrise, docked in Los Angeles cruise port. The port looked quiet but strangely welcoming in the early morning golden glow and long shadows. Strangely welcoming? Well, this was Los Angeles, America. We’d not visited this coast of America before but our experiences of flying into the east of the country on several occasions had not left us with the greatest of impressions of the country – surliness, huge queues, casual racism towards other travellers and our friend; that sort of thing – and, of course, this was 2019, Trump’s America, a place that absolutely hates every foreigner who’s not a white supremacist with more money than sense. We were not particularly looking forward to clearing either the port customs and security or the airport customs and security later on in the day but sandwiched between those events was a debark tour we could hopefully enjoy.

So how was getting through customs and security at Los Angeles cruise port?

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Couldn’t have been better. I know you might be tempted to switch on your Sarcasm-O-Meter there just to scan this paragraph but, really, there’s no need. Deadly serious. It was great.

Thanks to our morning debark tour and desire for Princess Cruises to get us off as quickly as possible, see the sights without hitting too much traffic, and dump us at the airport without running into problems they’d need to resolve (because we booked the tour and flights with them) we were not just amongst the first people off the ship but my wife and I were literally the first passengers off Star Princess. Down the gangway to the port we were greeted by a friendly port worker who made sure we were careful of the forklifts buzzing around before we headed into the tented area for customs and security. Here was another smiling face, quick question or two, short chat and a laugh, and we were done. Found our cases, found the bus for the tour, and just waited for the rest of our group to file in behind us. We were impressed with our first minutes in Los Angeles.

Venice Canals, Los Angeles, California

It was an uneventful, not terribly interesting drive from the port to the first of our stops with hardly any of that famous Los Angeles traffic to mention either, a benefit of this debark tour taking place on a Saturday morning. Our guide offered to simply stop and tell us about the area of Venice Canals – where we were – or we could go for a quick walk through it and meet up with the bus at the end. There seemed to be a distinct look of shock and disappointment on the guide’s face when we all said we wanted the walk. I’m not sure exactly what she was expecting or what the response to that offer had been on previous tours she’d led but she certainly seemed crestfallen to discover she’d have to get off and walk with us too. We didn’t pay the money for a tour just to gaze at sights from a bus and even had everyone else been content to stay where they were we’d have gotten off and made them all wait for us regardless. We’re like that, you know.

There followed a fairly brisk walk around the canals which started out as one big group and rapidly became one long line as those of us with cameras kept stopping to take pictures. It was hard not to; the clear blue sky of the morning, no wind, and subsequent mirror-like surface of the water produced too many opportunities for pleasing-looking photos to pass up.

It’s entirely possible that our guide was talking a little more about the area while she walked ahead with the leaders in our group but none of that drifted back to where I was. Here, then, is what the internet says about the Venice Canals of Los Angeles: the canals, obviously, are artificial, having been built early in the twentieth century as part of a plan to recreate the look and feel of the canals associated with Venice in Italy. We’ve never been to Venice in Italy but we have seen photos and can honestly say that the attempt to recreate that look and feel here in America was an abject failure. But they’re still nice. Okay, that’s not fair. The canals in Los Angeles these days are only really connected with the ones of the early 1900s by name alone. The originals may once have resembled their Italian counterparts but the canals fell into disrepair and many were filled in and turned into roads as Americans rejected boating and gentle walks in favour of a love affair with traffic jams. It takes all sorts.

After a lot of dealing and double-dealing and committees (and probably threats with weaponry if American TV has taught us anything) new canals were opened in the 1990s and the area became a tourist attraction and a very desirable location to live for the insanely rich who don’t mind strangers walking past their windows and photographing them at all hours of the day and night. It takes all sorts.

There was a quirkiness to the historic Venice Canals area that seemed a little forced to my cynical mind, but artificial quirkiness is okay too and it all added to the pleasing character present. This was evident in the architecture of the buildings – that uniformity you associate with American housing was nowhere to be seen, but that’s probably a privilege of the almighty dollar at work – and with artwork in places, the presence of bird-shaped boats, and a book exchange. An upturned boat in poor condition was potentially a damning statement about society from the residents – Behold! We, the wealthy owners of houses in the Venice Canals area of Los Angeles, see this sign of decay and do nothing! Nothing! – or an artistic homage to the classic half-submerged shopping trolley you’d find in a British canal or maybe simply the victim of gang warfare between the humans and cormorants, the latter group of which was casually flaunting their victory as we strolled through.

The weather conditions were perfect for a 10-minute morning walk around the Venice Canals. Its appeal as a tourist destination if we were staying in Los Angeles seemed a little limited but it made for some pleasing views.

Santa Monica Pier

Our bus then took us along the coastline and deposited us at the place where we would have free time to explore. Our guide told us what time to be back and pointed out the two main attractions of the area: a pedestrianised shopping area running parallel to the beach a few roads back or Santa Monica Pier. I know we all have different priorities in life but for us this Los Angeles debark tour was a chance to see some of the sights of the city ahead of our flight back to the UK so it was to the pier we headed first. Besides, we are quite fond of a pier, in case you didn’t know.

Santa Monica Pier is really two piers with the narrower one being the longest and oldest, opening in 1909, and the shorter, wider one with the funfair on it opening seven years later. Being sited in the heart of movie-making in America it’s unsurprising to learn that the pier has featured in a huge range of films and TV shows, with the Forrest Gump-inspired restaurant chain of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company taking advantage of its connection to the location and having a venue there. That and the marker to signify the western end of Route 66 made for a lot of photo opportunities for other tourists to the spot during our visit.

The funfair is called Pacific Park and is mostly notable for its ferris wheel which is solar-powered. We don’t do amusement rides half as much as we should typically because we only tend to visit these sorts of places when I’m laden with camera equipment and I have a natural aversion to leaving it in the hands of the thieving carnies who run amusement parks in my mind while we’re off on a roller coaster ride. That is a terrible slur against carnies but luckily for me no carnies can read or use the internet so they’ll never learn of it.

We headed down to the farthest end of the pier for the views out to sea and back towards land because that’s what piers are for. If you’re after the toilet and don’t have time to strip down and pretend you’re wading in the sea while you release your bodily fluids into it then you’ll be pleased to know that there are public conveniences on the pier here.

Heading back along the pier we were intrigued by a crowd gathering so joined them for a look. This turned out to be one of those street troupes performing acrobatics then dragging members of the public in to keep them from leaving before they’d been fleeced of money. We stayed on the fringes of the entertained audience where we could ensure no participation and keep an eye out for anything untowards that may be taking place (there wasn’t; 99% of those warnings you receive about people working crowds when they’re distracted are just garbage).

That marked the end of our short time on Santa Monica Pier so we left it and headed inland a few blocks in order to see what we could find in the Third Street Promenade.

Third Street Promenade

The very first part of Third Street Promenade we walked through was a circular mall that, because there were very few people around and because it was fairly enclosed, I didn’t take any photos within. I wished I had taken pictures and paid a little more attention to the space because I hadn’t realised that this was Santa Monica Place, originally one of Frank Gehry‘s designs although subsequently renovated by another architectural firm.

The Third Street Promenade dates back to the 1960s when three blocks were pedestrianised and named the Santa Monica Mall. The present day incarnation with its new name follows modernisation and redevelopment in the late 1980s. There were some fabulous-looking styles of building along its length with some art deco designs standing out.

The most obvious attraction for the eyes was a public art piece titled The Dinosaurs Of Santa Monica. Added as part of the late 80s redesign of the area, this artwork consists of topiary-covered, stainless steel and copper fountains in the shapes of dinosaurs and we could see that they were a hit with young children as we walked the promenade. And me. Who doesn’t like dinosaurs vomiting out water?

We didn’t see any shops along the Third Street Promenade interesting enough to entice us inside but I dare say that there was plenty there for certain types of shoppers and if we’d had more time then we might have forced some browsing time upon ourselves. We reached the end of the promenade and the marker pole indicating we were on Wilshere Boulevard, having passed some more public art pieces along the way, so we decided to loop back towards Santa Monica Beach in order to return to our meeting point for the bus.

Palisades Park

Along the sandstone clifftop overlooking the Pacific Coast Highway and Pacific Ocean, between Santa Monica Pier and Wilshere Boulevard (and many more blocks beyond that) lies Palisades Park. It was through this area that we slowly wound our way back. The very first thing to photograph was a statue of the person from whom Santa Monica gained its name. My Catholic upbringing and education by monks hadn’t furnished me with any background information on Saint Monica at all but the internet tells me she was also known as Monica of Hippo and I think that gives me everything I need.

In addition to the lovely views out to sea there was an abundance of flora and fauna although I couldn’t possibly tell you what most of them were. Palm trees and squirrels is about as good as you’re going to get from me.

A memorial to veterans of the army, navy, marines, air force, and coast guard was simple but highly effective.

And so we finally found some shade under a tree near where other passengers on our debark tour were gathering and waited for our bus to return. Joggers jogged past, homeless people slept on the grass, helicopters scanned the waters off the beach in search of kaiju.

Obviously, we only saw a small part of Los Angeles and a pretty affluent part at that, and for a short amount of time too, but we’d not expected to like what we saw as much as we did. Our experiences of big cities in America to this point has been that they are okay to visit but we wouldn’t want to live there, but Los Angeles felt far more welcoming and far more appealing.

Departure

With everyone back on board and nobody late – cruise ships might wait for you but airplanes certainly won’t so that probably accounts for that – we were then driven to Los Angeles International Airport. The first terminal at which the bus pulled up at was the one for us and, it turned out, only us. We were apparently the only people flying with Virgin. We grabbed our cases and headed inside with that tiny little grip inside the stomach as we waited to see what hell would await us in our attempt to leave the country.

So how was getting through check-in and security at Los Angeles airport?

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Couldn’t have been better. I know you might be tempted to pick up your Sarcasm-O-Meter from where you’ve dropped it in shock earlier just to scan this paragraph but, really, again, there’s no need. Deadly serious. It was great.

Check-in people were smiling, happy, wonderfully efficient. Security people were joking, having a laugh and a chat with everyone. And despite the large amount of people trying to get through what was a rather cramped pre-security area it was all organised as well as possible, processed incredibly quickly, and we came through into the duty-free and restaurants area with grins on our faces. A chalk-and-cheese comparison with our experiences in Washington D.C. and New York.

With a while until our flight we decided to grab something to eat before we finally headed home and an establishment called Barney’s Beanery seemed to fit our tastes best. It’s an airport restaurant so, yes, the prices aren’t great, but we couldn’t fault the quality, loved the fact that they had locally-brewed ales available, and our waitress Uneeda was absolutely fabulous. On top of all that, as we were shown to our table we discovered we were sitting next to Patricia, a solo traveller with whom we’d been on excursions with aboard Star Princess and with whom we’d shared many drinks with in bars on the ship during the cruise. She was overjoyed to see us too and it was a lovely finish to our time in America and our trip as a whole.

We try to get debark tours if we can when we take cruises as it extends the holiday just that little bit more and if it’s a place we’ve not visited before then it makes sense to get a feel for the location for future planning. This Venice Canals and Santa Monica disembarkation excursion did a fantastic job of giving us a final, positive memory of both the trip as a whole and of Los Angeles specifically. We saw some attractive areas and there was plenty of time for shopping if that’s the sort of thing that appeals to you as a traveller.

This concludes the cruise travelogues for our Star Princess cruise from Chile to Los Angeles in March 2019.

But we wouldn’t be spending any time in Marseille as we had a full day’s excursion taking us into the Provence countryside and two locations, the first of which was the city and commune of Arles. Sometimes we’ll do a fair bit of research into a place we’re visiting, read the description of the excursion, try to read between the lines of what’s in the excursion description because they invariably gloss over elements, take a look online to see what other people have seen or thought of a place, that sort of thing. Sometimes we’ll see a pretty picture of an amphitheatre and go “Ooh! An Amphitheatre!” and that’s all that’s needed. Our decision to visit Arles was due mostly to the latter way of thinking but we did also factor in the time of year in order to rule out for now a visit to the slightly farther afield Avignon (although that’s on the list for the next time we take a trip to this part of the world).

Once our bus pulled up in Arles we found ourselves beside the river Rhône where we could see a Viking River Cruises boat moored (more on them in a little while) and a few people enjoying the pleasant morning sunshine including a local painter. This was our first chance to experience one of the things other than Roman and medieval architecture that Arles is famous for: art. Vincent Van Gogh lived in Arles for a year and it was here that he painted many of his most famous pieces of work. The city has a walking trail with signs showing some of the locations in which the artist painted and we would spot a few of them on our half-day exploring but while we like art our tastes tend towards the more modern so, yes, Van Gogh’s connection was interesting and a bonus experience but it wasn’t our reason for wanting to visit the city.

Walking southwards from the bus parking spot near the train station we passed the location where Van Gogh lived but only a painting of the house remains – The Yellow House – as the building was badly damaged by allied bombing in World War 2. With nothing to actually see we continued and this brought us to the remains of city walls and towers. These formed the Porte de la Cavalerie (Cavalry Gate) and are medieval, having originally been built in the 13th century for and by the Knights Templar and at one point used to house prisoners. Their damage cannot be attributed to planes dropping munitions but instead to deliberate attacks during the French Revolution.

Through the gate we immediately encountered a monument inspired by a similar one in Place Saint-Michel, Paris erected for a former mayor of the city. The Fontaine Amédée Pichot (Amédée Pichot Fountain), despite its name, is no longer a functioning fountain. The monument itself, though, comprises some interesting historical elements such as an Auguste Cain-designed lion profile, the fountain design by Joseph Flandrin, and the most prominent piece of all, the enamel medallion created by Paul Balze. The fountain doesn’t appear in any of Van Gogh’s works despite it being around during his time in the city and very near to his house so I’m guessing he didn’t think much of it but I liked the classical feel.

We followed the road southwards which rose slowly away from the direction of the river and which was flanked by tall houses. As we reached our first major stop in Arles, the amphitheatre, we stopped to take in the view and noticed that not all the shuttered windows we could see nearby were quite what they seemed. This would turn out to be a feature on a lot of buildings during this week-long cruise along Europe’s southern coastline.

Arles Roman Amphitheatre

Almost any photos of the city will include pictures of the very prominent tourist attraction of Arles Amphitheatre – it is what attracted us to this cruise excursion, after all – and it’s easy to see why. Already on a high point of land in the landscape its two arched tiers rise up a further twenty metres. The building was constructed a little later than the Colosseum in Rome (somewhere we’d not seen at the time of this tour) and is understandably not quite as grand in scale, designed to hold less than half the Italian capital’s capacity. Still, it could cope with over twenty thousand spectators, something that seemed completely at odds with its size because despite appearing impressive – the white stone especially bright under the clear, blue sky – I will admit to thinking it was a bit smaller than I’d expected.

We gathered at the entrance and waited to go in, our guide going on ahead to pick up the tickets. It was at this point that a tour group from Viking River Cruises strolled up. The members of the two groups eyed each other; some did so warily; some glanced and smirked. Some people started playing with the rings on their fingers and chewing imaginary toothpicks. Fingers were clicked. Music from West Side Story drifted across the concrete. A rumble was on the cards. Our gang were there first and we outnumbered the river cruisers with their fancy headphones in to hear their guide without her shouting but they had that cocky self-assurance and oozing smugness of superiority that river cruisers always have – I think it comes from paying too much per person per night and needing some way of suppressing that realisation – which made them dangerous opponents. Dangerous, yeah, but I wasn’t worried. We were the younger group overall and my wife and I are veterans of brawls with bullies. We could take them. It only needed a spark to set it all off.

Our tour guide popped her head back out and called us in. The Viking group tried to move at the same time but we kept our discipline and slipped past the ticket booth as the person manning it tried to count us off and keep the river cruisers from messing up the total. It wasn’t pretty but the Princess gang won.

Inside the amphitheatre we stopped briefly in the gallery where our guide was able to point out that the lower tier used wholly Roman architectural techniques but that the upper one borrowed Greek elements for strength and practical reasons. I’m sure you can probably tell that just from looking at the photo, though.

It was to the main arena of the amphitheatre we were then led where we could quickly bake under the sunshine from above and reflected off the sandy, dusty surface and the seating. Some of that seating was the original stone but there were plenty of modern though uncomfortable-looking benches and seats too. The reason for the latter’s presence was that Arles Amphitheatre is still used these days. It no longer plays host to bloodthirsty activities such as gladiatorial combat but instead embraces the more enlightened practice of *checks notes* tormenting animals into a frenzy before stabbing them for the entertainment of sadists.

Van Gogh’s painting Les Arènes depicts people in attendance at Arles Amphitheatre and was painted from memory (as no fights were taking place at the time) in The Yellow House just a few weeks before the artist’s famous ear-cutting incident. Maybe the idea of subjecting animals to needless cruelty played on his already somewhat fragile mind.

Not all of the Arles Amphitheatre is Roman in origin. The towers were later additions and were built when the amphitheatre was fortified further and a walled town grew up inside for protection following the fall of the empire.

The next stop on our tour of Arles was a few minutes away on foot and through some narrow streets to the amphitheatre’s southwest.

Roman Theatre Of Arles

To give it its French name, the Théâtre Antique D’Arles was constructed in the last years of the first century BCE and was one of the very first stone theatres in the Roman world. Like most Roman theatres this one in Arles consisted of three sections: seating for spectators (the cavea, with the higher-ups in society at the bottom and the general public above that, typically with men in the middle and women at the top), the stage (wooden, around fifty metres in length, housing mechanical apparatus for plays), and the back wall which was decorated with columns (two of which remain standing) and housed an awning which protected the stage and also allowed a curtain to be held in front of it and dropped as the performance started.

The seating capacity in the Arles Theatre was about half that in the amphitheatre which makes sense as the design was a semi-circle as opposed to an oval. Like the amphitheatre, the theatre is still used these days but you’ll be pleased to know that the French haven’t devised another way to torture creatures unless the music or festival shows they occasionally perform are offensive to human ears. And knowing them…

In the latter half of the first millenium CE the theatre, like the amphitheatre, was fortified for further protection for the people remaining in the city. The south wall of the theatre includes the Rotland Tower, part of those defensive additions. The land area inside the seating and where the stage once stood were turned into narrow streets and buildings were erected to form a fortified town, again just like in the amphitheatre. It wasn’t until the nineteenth century that the area was cleared and the historic space recovered.

With its use as an actual theatre stopping altogether following the decline of the Roman empire, stone from the spot was taken and used in other building projects around Arles, hence the more ruinous look to the place. Exploring the grounds of the theatre many of those stones have since been retrieved and returned as an indication of the workmanship of the time where it has been possible to do so.

While the amphitheatre in Arles is the more complete ancient site it was the theatre to me that felt more interesting. It may have been less easy to imagine the stage, the curtain apparatus, and the huge backdrop but there felt more a sense of a connection with history because of the state of the ruins, and the more evident, artistic elements of design in the stonework held a lot more interest.

Place De La République

A couple of minutes west of the theatre on foot was the Place De La République; effectively the town square.

The first thing to catch the eye upon entering was the Obelisk of Arles. Originally erected in the fourth century CE during the reign of the Roman emperor Constantine II who had been born in the city this twenty metres high monument was rediscovered in two parts and re-erected in the fourteenth century, this time on a pedestal. In the nineteenth century a fountain was added because adding fountains to things was apparently the business to be in during this period of time in France.

Important buildings surrounded the square on all sides but the key one was the former cathedral, The Church Of Saint Trophime. Trophimus was the first bishop of Arles, around the third century CE, but the cathedral’s construction didn’t start until the late eleventh century. During the first couple of centuries it was used on a few occasions to crown the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

The semicircular arches are strong indicators of the Romanesque architectural style used in the church’s design but it was the fine, intricate sculpting, especially in the tympanum and around the columns either side of the doorway, that really stood out. The theme depicted is The Last Judgement with figures shuffling from left-to-right and past an impassive deity, their clothes removed, chained, and with flames at their feet. It looks like beard-wearers are going to hell so consider your style choices carefully, hipsters.

Free Time In Arles

At this point in the cruise excursion we were given free time to look around Arles on our own, do some shopping, etc. All we needed to know was where and when to meet for the lunch that would be provided as part of the tour experience.

Guide: Okay, so we will meet at one o’clock at the Best Western Hotel Atrium. I will show you on a map. It is here. From the Place de la République where we are now you head down this alley, cross the road, and it is right in front of you.

Person walking up: Wait, what time are we supposed to meet?

Guide: One o’clock.

Couple coming back over: Is everyone going off? Where are we supposed to meet?

Guide: The Best Western Hotel, here on the map.

Another person leans in: Is the hotel through there? And what time are we supposed to meet?

Guide: Yes. One o’clock.

Person tapping guide on shoulder: One o’clock, but where?

Guide: It is this hotel on the map, see.

Person (loudly): Did anyone get the name of the place we’re supposed to meet at?

Me (to wife): Let’s get out of here before I kill someone or our guide does.

We don’t prioritise shopping if there are interesting historical and architectural sights to be seen but since we’d already visited a few we decided not to explore the interior of the church and make a beeline for a shop we’d spotted bordering the square. We tend to pick up specific types of souvenirs for ourselves when travelling, these being shot glasses, mugs, bookmarks, alcohol, and soap. The area of France in which Arles is located is well-known for its soap and it was to a shop that we saw stocking a lot of it that we ventured. The woman in Folies de Provence was very friendly and gave us too much change when we stocked up with our purchases (but we returned the money as soon as we realised because the English have a poor enough reputation as it is without us adding to it). You’ll notice we didn’t pick up anything with lavender in it. My wife associates the smell of lavender with old ladies peeing themselves. That’s all that needs to be said about that.

We had a slow stroll through Arles on a curving course towards a large area of greenery we’d spotted on the map. The only interesting sight spotted on the walk was the facade of a former Carmelite chapel, now privately-owned building.

Arles Summer Garden

Passing through a large street market (but not taking any photos because everyone looked like the sort who attend car boot sales and experience tells me they’re moody buggers) we entered the Jardin D’Été (Summer Garden). It was a very pleasant little area to walk around, especially on a gorgeous day such as the one we had, and the grass space was broken up with occasional statues and sculptures. The garden area to the east seemed to be more formal – a sculpture here, for instance, was to a Doctor Urpar, a former mayor of Arles – while that to the west had more modern pieces of abstract artwork in it.

The west side of the garden also had one of the occasional markers around the city’s Van Gogh trail showing that he’d visited and painted Entrance to the Public Garden at Arles in this spot.

The northern end of the western side of the Summer Garden butted up against the gate to the Roman Theatre and the fortified Rotland Tower. In front of it was an attractive pond with statuary.

We started to make our way towards the meeting point for lunch. This took us past the Arles tourism office where we were pleased to see an old carousel set up (though it wasn’t possible to take a nice photo of it in its entirety thanks to fencing around it) and some pretty decent street art adorning the building.

Lunch In Arles

Incredibly, everyone from our excursion group managed to find the hotel and only a couple were slightly late. Lunch was described as “traditional Provençal” but we’re not naive enough to believe that many people in the region dine in quite this way. The food may not look particularly appetising from the photos but we had no complaints; it was all cooked or prepared well and the servers were very engaging. Our company on this table was towards the superb end of the spectrum with – including us – one couple from the UK (that’s us there), one couple from Canada, one couple from America, and one couple from Australia. What brought us all together was that not one couple there liked the party or person running their own country (yes, that’s right, we did talk about politics; it started when we mentioned we were British and received a “Wow! What the hell are you lot doing with Brexit over there?” and rightfully so). It was interesting to hear the Canadian couple’s views about Trudeau but mostly a pleasant change to find Americans who despised Trump because they seem to be very much in the minority on cruises.

We were mostly keen to experience the red wine during lunch since we like to try local alcohol whenever we’re travelling and we’re big fans of red wine but we’ve yet to find a French one we like. Let’s be generous and say that it wasn’t the worst we’ve tried but we still cannot grasp the wide regards of the country’s production in this respect. Our Canadians, on the other hand, really liked the red wine. Really, really liked it. While we limited ourselves to a single glass they managed to finish that bottle, take most of another one from another table that wasn’t wanted, and persuaded the staff to open yet another for them too. The small coffee to finish was probably going to come in very handy in keeping them upright and awake in the next part of the day’s excursion. And, weirdly (or perhaps not when you factor in their love of alcohol), it would turn out that we would end up on the same excursion as this Canadian couple on each of the remaining days of the cruise.

Once lunch was over our bus arrived to pick us up and head off for the afternoon’s portion of the day trip, that being a visit to Les Baux-de-Provence, covered in the next post in this Mediterranean cruise travelogue series.

Sometimes on excursions you can find that you get to see all or most of what a place has to offer in that short trip but that wasn’t the case with Arles. It appeared to have a lot more to see that we simply didn’t have time for on this occasion and we’d love to give it a more in-depth visit at some point. I’d definitely add a few days exploring Arles into any itinerary you might have for visiting the south of France.

Cruise lines will typically offer transfers to and from airports (and sometimes city centres) for passengers and, because making money is where it’s at in this crazy world of capitalism, they will often include one or two disembarkation tour options for those who want one last chance to stretch out their holiday; your luggage stays on the bus while you see some highlights and visit one or two things ahead of a drop-off at the airport and the crushing onset of post-cruise blues. For our Emerald Princess cruise the disembarkation tour would mainly be a visit to St Peter’s Basilica with a short drive to indicate other points of interest. We figured that this would give us a good chance to get a feel for the capital city and we do like a good nose at churches.

Early on the Saturday morning we took a single photo of Civitavecchia from our balcony and bid our floating home for the week a sad farewell.

Vatican City, Rome

We had a very entertaining drive into Rome from the port thanks to a guide who wasn’t afraid to drop into his narrative stories about corruption in the country and throw some serious shade towards the Catholic church specifically and religion in general.

With it being early on a Saturday there wasn’t a huge amount of traffic around and we made good time to a parking garage which was situated about ten minutes walk to the south of St Peter’s Square. As we rounded the curved colonnades that embrace the square we got a good view through them of the obelisk that had been taken from Egypt by the emperor Caligula as well as the two fountains which make up the only structures inside the vast space of the square.

St Peter’s Square is inside the Vatican City enclave and you can tell when you’ve left Rome and entered it because there’s a small metal barrier to walk past. Before we did that, though, there was the small matter of ensuring that everybody who needed to pee do it because there wouldn’t be another chance for a while so we were led a short walk to a small road called Via Rusticucci where there was a large souvenir shop, Vacanze Romane, inside which were toilets. We waited outside until all those who’d needed to relieve themselves had done so and after all those who’d decided they might buy some things and to hell with everyone who actually wanted to see the historical sights had been told to not be so selfish and ushered away from the shop.

St Peter’s Square

We crossed the line that formed the boundary with the outside world and slid into the smallest sovereign state in the world and St Peter’s Square. I’ll skip over my customary rant about squares not being squares and merely point out that this one is shaped like a trapezoid having intimate relationships with an oval. I’m not going to pretend to have a clue what went through the mind of the architect.

The view was dominated by the basilica directly ahead of us and those doric colonnades radiating out from it. St Peter’s Square was designed by Gian Lorenzo Bernini who was not only a leading architect and someone with an unhealthy obsession with sexy ovals but also a sculptor of some reknown, accredited with creating the Baroque style. A church had been in the location of the basilica since the fourth century CE and the obelisk had been moved into position in front of it in the sixteenth century but the design of the square and redesign of the basilica didn’t start until the seventeenth.

In front of the northern colonnades were the X-ray machines for bags and metal detectors to scan people and with there being a grand total of two of them operating there was already a reasonable queue ahead of us to get to the basilica before we joined the snaking line and shuffled along as well. To be fair, we didn’t have too long a wait with most people sensibly making sure that belts and phones and anything else likely to trigger the metal detector was removed. We passed the time in the queue by taking the piss out of the young couple eating each other’s faces in front of us and by enjoying the views of the artistic additions to the colonnades as well as closer looks at the obelisk and fountains. The fountain nearest us was the older of the two, this being the Carlo Maderno-designed one dating to 1613; its counterpart to the south was designed to match it in 1675 by Bernini.

Once through the scanners we were inside the northern colonnades and simply followed them around to the entrance to the basilica. This granted us our first look at a member of the Swiss Guard, the military force whose main strength in battle is causing their enemies to argue amongst themselves whether it’s honourable to attack people in their pyjamas.

Passing a statue of St Paul (one of St Peter stands on the exiting side of the basilica) there was one more checkpoint to ensure that people were suitably dressed – knees and shoulders must be covered because large, complex joints of the human body are disrespectful (no, I don’t know why either, but I do follow the rules) – before we gathered at the Maderno Façade which you’ve probably already guessed was designed by Maderno and fronts the basilica.

St Peter’s Basilica

The morning had been a little overcast with storm clouds present over the dock in Civitavecchia but by the time we’d reached Rome the sky was clear and the temperature was warming up quite a lot. That’s right: I’m British and I’m talking about the weather. Standing in front of the façade where the strengthening sun was being reflected off every stone surface made the transition inside the huge church that much more pleasant and as our eyes adjusted to the relative gloom of the building’s interior our relief at being in a cooler environment itself transitioned into one of quiet awe.

St Peter’s Basilica is the largest church in the world, with a capacity estimated at around sixty thousand people. Thanks to some terrible photography by me that doesn’t capture enough people in the framing against the ornate decorations of the roof you can’t quite get a grasp for the scale of the building in the photos below but to give you some idea, wherever you see writing in gold around the dome or at the top of pillars those letters are 1.4 metres high (or four and a half feet in quaint measurements); that’s about the size of Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.

Once we’d taken our eyes away from the cavernous surroundings our guide began his circuit of the interior of the basilica. One of the first congestion points was at a statue held behind protective glass (following an attack on it in 1972). This was Michelangelo’s Pietà, an early piece from him and the only one he ever signed (after reportedly hearing some people associate it with another artist).

As we were led through St Peter’s Basilica we passed numerous other statues, many of them founders of religious orders or saints. Many former popes are interred at the basilica and it reportedly stands on the site of the burial spot of St Peter, regarded as the first pope, who was allegedly crucified upside down during the reign of Nero.

A couple of the sculptures in the basilica stood out due to just how different they looked. The first of these was the statue of St Peter Enthroned, notable not only for its black marble but also for its foot which was worn down from the act of pilgrims touching or kissing it over the centuries. As someone who’d just come off a cruise ship the thought of doing the same without some hand sanitiser nearby gave me the chills.

The second sculpture to catch the eye was the tomb of Pope Alexander VII, expertly incorporating a doorway beneath its location into the design by Bernini. It’s not hard to see why this artwork stands out as you spot Death apparently caught up in the red marble cloth supported by the four female figures around the tomb and offering a shiny new egg timer to whoever frees him from the embarrassing position.

When we’d first entered the basilica we’d all spotted the tall, dark canopy-like structure directly ahead of us down the centre of the nave. Our guided exploration of the site eventually brought us to it. This was the Baldacchino, the pavilion standing over the spot of St Peter’s tomb and the high altar of the basilica, cast in bronze and with instantly eye-catching elements such as the spiralling, helical columns. St Peter’s Baldachin (to give it its English name) stands at over twenty eight metres in height or approximately twenty Snookis if you’re adopting my new measurement system.

Our tour guide then brought us along to one of the pieces of artwork on the walls of St Peter’s Basilica. This was the Altar of Transfiguration and it was here that we were told why there was no restriction on not only taking photographs in the basilica but also using flash if we wanted (top tip: don’t; the place is too large for your puny flash to have much of an impact). Originally painted in 1520 by Raphael, what you now see in St Peter’s, like almost all the art on the walls, is a mosaic reproduction and if you visit the basilica then get up as close as you can to these works of art to truly appreciate the skill involved in making them.

That mostly brought our time inside the basilica to an end. We continued with our anticlockwise route around its interior still wowed by the scale of the building, still admiring the artistry in both the decoration and the architecture, and stopping briefly to admire the coat of arms on the floor for Pope John Paul II as well as letting a wedding party past who were about to witness a marriage due to take place in one of the chapels. I imagine that’s the sort of thing you do for bragging rights in Rome.

A longer visit would have been good, especially one to take in the view from the dome, but the time we had in the basilica was absolutely fine for a disembarkation excursion. St Peter’s is very impressive and well worth a visit.

Concluding The Disembarkation Tour Of Rome

We emerged back into the sunlight of Rome and the Vatican City beside a guard post for the formidable Swiss Guard. I wouldn’t want to attack them. The southern side of the basilica had a statue of St Peter to match the position of the one of St Paul we’d seen on the way in. We had the opportunity to see more of the basilica frontage and a view of the obelisk with the Bernini fountain this time around. We were also shown a marker point on the ground that marks the focus of the arcs of colonnades. When standing at that spot it appears that the colonnades consist of a single row of columns instead of the four that really make them up; it’s more interesting than it sounds but you’ll have to use your imagination because I didn’t take a photo as I didn’t want to hold everyone up shuffling along into position to witness the spectacle. My consideration is your loss.

We wandered back to the bus after a revisit to the souvenir shop for further peeing opportunities and a short chance to buy some gifts to take home then headed off for what was then supposed to be a drive to the Colosseum for a photo stop. Supposed to be. Unfortunately, our disembarkation in Rome coincided with a marathon taking place in the city which in turn meant that roads were closed and the best our driver could do was a slow roll past the impressive-looking building. With it being on the other side of the bus to us, though, I wasn’t even able to grab a picture of it through the window. In fact, the only photo I took during the period on the bus prior to the airport drop-off was of the Pyramid of Cestius, a style of architecture I definitely wasn’t expecting to see in the city. It was built as a tomb in around 12 BCE and I’d give you its height in Snookis but I suspect you know that that joke has run its course by now.

And that was what we saw of Rome for this tour at the end of our cruise. We didn’t see much, but what we saw we liked a lot and we saw a lot of evidence of other things we wanted to see in the city. We shall have to return to the Italian capital for a substantially longer visit at some point and in that respect you can easily say that this tour was well worth the money.

Home

With a few hours before our flight back to the UK we had a chance to sample some Italian beer in Italy, something we’d not done before but the sort of thing we like to do whenever we travel. When in Rome and all that.

A short and uneventful flight back left us with one final, late summer evening view from Heathrow airport to mark the end of the holiday.