Summer Slump

01 Jul 2009 08:54 by Mark

It's time for the Summer Slump!

You know the Summer Slump if you've got a website and you like to post new and interesting (or mind-numbingly banal) articles frequently (or infrequently).

You know the Summer Slump if you keep track of how many people visit your website on a daily or weekly basis just to see if you've still got "it" or whether your "it" is waning; drooping or wilting perhaps.

You know the Summer Slump if you bought my highly-priced but lowly-respected tome on the subject 984 Pages Bemoaning The Summer Slump In Small Print With No Illustrations And Only Three Uses Of Punctuation from all good book specialists who happen to be named Geoff's Used Books and who happen to have a small shop in Slough (closed Tuesdays).

You know the Summer Slump if you've read this article once already and have come back around for a second go hoping to work out the secret code buried within the vowels of every paragraph and consonants of every vowel-less word.

You know the Summer Slump if you invented the Summer Slump during the inaugural Slumpfest of 1967 when hippies thought it would be groovy to hack slumps (which were at the time in a slump) into something heavy, thus gaining publicity for slumps and bringing the slumps out of their slump thereby negating the need for any further slump-hacking festivals. That's the sort of idea that DDT-tainted marijuana brings to fruition.

Of course, I killed and buried that inventor of the Summer Slump in 2001 during that year's Summer Slump just for something to do, so the chances of that are small.

If you're reading this then you're possibly wondering what the Summer Slump is and you're trying to brace yourself for the big pay-off. Oh man, that Mark is so smart! That Mark will lead you along and then BOOM! comes the zinger at the end! Man! I can't wait to see what the climax to this Summer Slump article's going to be! What is the Summer Slump? He's going to explain and I'm going to go "whoa! yeah! ha ha! sweet!" and then I'm going to be like "woo!" and "fnurgh!" and then I'm going to go "zwish!" and be all like "urgagngg!" Unless he just doesn't bother explaining as part of a clever mechanism to explain it without explaining it! Oh man, if he just does that then I'm going to be well disappointed man! Such a cop-out! He's done that before as well. Swine. He'd better at least explain it in the caption under the stock image he uses to accompany the article or there's a lynching on the horizon.

 

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