A Hairy(less) Experience

03 Jan 2008 09:09 by Math

It has been brought to my attention that bald men are attractive, virile and powerful.

These positive traits were revealed to me in the bathroom mirror at four in the morning after an evening of drinking fermented grapes and smoking fomented naughty weeds by a person who, like me, was balding. In fact it was me (damn the magic world of looking-glasses).

Ok - the requisites of baldness are exaggerated through the misty lens of inebriation but it's nothing to be ashamed of - providing you shed your hair with dignity ...

Receding hair can be a bit of an annoyance for a man, like myself, who once had long hair and a queue of female admirers (I assume the word 'queue' implies any number of people - such as zero). I decided to clip my hair short at the first signs of hair-loss (medical term: a frontal-lobe hirsute lobotomy) allowing fellow humans to see the flesh that had stopped wielding follicles next to their hairy but cropped fellows. I did not - at any point - decide to use hair as a way of shielding baldness.

I mean, look at Bobby Charlton. The England World Cup winning midfielder had a vicious right foot that allowed him to propel a football thirty metres from his toes into the top corner of a goal. Yet he also propelled a decimetre of hair in a flapping motion over the surface of his hairless head. What was he thinking? If he was a politician I would have a small amount of understanding since they don't tend to run around for 90 minutes in front of 70,000 people. Didn't Sir Bobby know that such energetic activity could cause vortices of hair movement?

Well the answer is yes. But in the late 60s/early 70s no-one gave a shit.

Which brings me back to my original three-pronged premise about the virtues of baldness. Bobby Charlton must have been attractive since he is married, he sired a weather-girl so he must be virile and his right-foot was very powerful indeed. Baldness may indeed imbue one with various traits ...

If there was a point to this article then I'm afraid it has been lost in the abyss of my brain. Baldness seemingly allows the loss of memory through the top of one's head also ...