Reactions To Israel's Gaza Flotilla Murders

31 May 2010 14:47 by Mark

Brief timeline of events:

Britain screws up the Middle East, Israelis get a stiffy from all the power and subjugate the Palestinians, Israelis stick two fingers up at the rest of the world when called out, the rest of the world demonstrates its might and abhorrence of bullies by doing not a damn thing, a handful of people think "what's the worst that could happen if we bring in some supplies to all the people Israel are deliberately starving in a slow genocide?", Israel commandoes shoot some as a warning, the world instantly reacts by phoning up agents to get quotes from people who might have a salesworthy opinion...

... but those quotes are censored.

Not any longer.


Reported Quote
The armada of hate and violence in support of the Hamas terror organisation was a premeditated and outrageous provocation. The organisers are well known for their ties with global jihad, al-Qaeda and Hamas. They have a history of arms smuggling and deadly terror. On board the ship, we found weapons prepared in advance and used against our forces. The organisers intent was violent, their method was violent and the results were unfortunately violent. Israel regrets any loss of life and did everything to avoid this outcome.

Actual Quote
The handful of vessels filled with supplies filled our elite military with a fear like no other. Humanitarians are well known for their ties with global jihad, al-Qaeda, Hamas, Hitler, Dracula, chicken pox, that sound you make when you scrape your nails down a chalk board, M. Night Shyamalan movies, and mushrooms. On board the ship, we found weapons in the hands of crazed militants; admittedly, those were our own troops but it was early in the morning and dark and really quite confusing. Israel regrets any loss of life and did everything to avoid this outcome short of not actually storming a ship of civilians in international waters and shooting people for kicks.


Reported Quote
Though our naval servicemen were instructed to exercise maximum restraint, they were attacked. They were attacked with knives, with iron clubs, and also with live fire. We have unfortunately 10 servicemen injured, one of them very, very seriously. The violence was initiated unfortunately by these activists, and this is regrettable.

Actual Quote
Though our naval servicemen were instructed to exercise maximum restraint, the in-flight movie prior to the assault was Weekend At Bernie's 2 and I defy anyone not to be enraged after that. They were attacked with spoons, cereal - Weetabix or, unconfirmed, Coco Pops - and lots of nasty names. We have unfortunately 10 servicemen injured, one of them very, very upset at a taunt about his mum. The violence was initiated unfortunately by these activists, so long as you adhere to the definition of "initiated" I'm currently thinking of. In my head. So there.


Reported Quote
The United States deeply regrets the loss of life and injuries sustained, and is currently working to understand the circumstances surrounding this tragedy.

Actual Quote
The United States deeply regrets the loss of life and injuries sustained, and is currently working to overlook the circumstances surrounding this tragedy.


Reported Quote
The inhuman action of the Zionist regime against the Palestinian people and preventing the humanitarian aid from reaching Gazans does not show this regime's strength, but is a sign of its weakness, and all this brings this sinister and fake regime closer than ever to its end.

Actual Quote
Meep.

 

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