The Joy Of Pointing with Tim Westwood

14 Jul 2005 14:27 by Mark

Basic Attitude Point
The Basic Attitude Point is the pointing technique from which all other points form. Beginners must perfect this first pointing method before progressing. Ideal when you need to keep it simple or take the wayback machine to the days of old school and beyond or if you've only got one hand free. Once this skill is mastered you'll also find it has everyday uses too allowing you to call elevators and pick your nose more efficiently.

Yo! Now your basic point needs that classic Westwood attitude. Say it! At-ti-tude! It looks simple to an outsider but this is still the bomb. Mmmmm. Cra-zeee. Look at those other fingers. You need wicked fly skills to keep it real like that. Do I make myself clear? Understand that! Exactly. Other cats might just concentrate on the index finger but not this dude. Recognise!

The Double Dead Worms
The Double Dead Worms gets its name from the resemblance to two creatures of the phylum Annelida suffering from rigor mortis. Essentially a Basic Attitude Point duplicated and mirrored there are still some noticeable differences that, if not taught properly, will render your street cred zero. Zero. You want to be a hero, not a zero.

Are you tired of getting stomped on? Exactly. Now you want the crazy dope Dee to the Dee Double-you. That's Double Dead Worms baby. Or Dope Def Wicked! Yeah, you know it! Recognise. You will be having a lot of fun out there with this pimped-up bomb of a point. Two hands! Exactly. Yo. So gangsta, so old school. Respect!

Two Fingers Of Whiskey
Deriving its name from the Wild West custom of ordering whiskey by the thickness of the barman's fingers and originating, appropriately enough, from the west coast of America, the Two Fingers pointing technique at once brings the pointer back to his or her childhood playing with pretend guns. Your bitches and/or hos will also appreciate this and you'll find out why on the course.

Exactly! It's a shutdown, it's a takeover. You take your one-finger pointers and you tear them down. Recognise. Cold lampin'! Two fingers is more than enough for any woman. Trust me, I'm a doctor. Of pointing. You know what I'm saying? Exactly! Yeah, we need that. Big pimpin' to the extreme baby. Mmmmm. Do I make myself clear?

Duelling Bunnies
Picture two buck rabbits fighting to the death over the love of a lady rabbit and you're halfway there but the tough half is still to come. You won't just form duelling bunnies on this course though, you'll be duelling bunnies!

Massive respect to my man X to the Zee, Xzibit here, pointing it out west-coast-style. Recognise. I haven't got a clue what he's doing with his fingers here but yo! Check out my moves! Exactly! Doped-up! This is the way it's going down. Back in the groove. Can you feel that? Exactly! All you ladies out there get moist for Westwood. Let's go! Big bunny style!

Unnamed Pointing Style For 2006
On Tim Westwood's "Joy Of Pointing" you'll also be introduced to the latest pointing techniques fresh from the pointing capitals of the world; west coast, east coast, Brixton, and even from the imagination of the world's foremost pointer, Tim Westwood himself. Be the first in your 'hood to point next year's styles today.

Yo! When I'm kicking back in my crib I like to up my bomb game because I'm a dude! Cra-zeee. Recognise. Exactly! So gangsta! Look at those wicked fingers. That's old school new schooled man. A future all-time classic. Mmmmmm. Do you understand what's going down right now? It's louder than a bomb, it's louder than a nuclear bomb. That's Paul Daniels fingers there man! It's magic! Let's do that. Respect! Exactly! This is the way it's going down!