Pictures of Jentina
19 Jun 2004 14:07 by Mark
Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother's side.
So, for those who don't know, let's fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we'll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don't know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don't know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it's just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you're unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina's website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers' wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers' fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina's name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in 'ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina's brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn't slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that's okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina's song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day's stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she's 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures - certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery - and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina's debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti ... 10 months after article was posted.
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Oh and I disagree with what Prodigy fans say. I don't think Jentina used Keith Flint to get a record deal.
Who do you think you are???
The most intelligent human in the world?????? HA HA HA HA
Well I think you are BRAINLESS!! and STUPID!!
I mean com'on:
''I heard she burst out crying when she was dropped''
You think that's amusing, well then you're a really sad peron. That's pitiable.
Shut up and get a life plz.
A DutchFan
Unfortunately u seem have developed an erroneous impression regarding a number ov points so let me illuminate u, which I sincerely hope, don't cause disintegration of ur avatar. Oh Sorry that’s Dracula silly me
1. I don't think there is actually five fans on this site it may be more like one Dutch 'un who seems to have a multiple and conflicting personality problem
But for fuck sake you should know all about dat kinda thing seeings ur name’s 'Satanic'
U know like: 'Lucifer' or 'Beelzebub' (No not the Death Metal band) i.e. 'Legion'
For all I know u may be that same person!
In any event may I refer you to posts:
20.40 Tues 6th Dec 05 (note by proprietor Mark)
15.17 Wed 14th Dec 05 (a clear admission by the poster)
N' by the way I'm not counting dat sicko Slobby Jobbie
2.since u big up postin' URL's take a look at dis 'un
http://travellerstimes.org.uk/issues/TT21.pdf
Its unlikely the Travellers Times editor is going to give space to a 'wannabe didicoy' (Romany diddicoi) term for travellers with no Romany blood pal, after all u can bet the Roma travelling community is a small Parish. Shit like dat would get found out sharpish!
3. Sorry where exactly is it wrote in stone dat Jentina represents female rappers ov the UK?
U'd fink it would be wise to point out, neither is dat a privilege solely accorded to Miz Sov or her genre of Grime wouldn't u?
Female rappers (n their genre) are many n varied with a corresponding degree of success n failure
4. for someone who feigns disinterest and disgust ov Jentina's music, u seem remarkably uptodate on the trajection of her career so far
5. 'youtube' so f'kin wot, proves very little, u can find posted on it somewhere the uncalled slaggin' dat K pop 'Babyvox' girl band got from K rappers DJ doc fe using Tupac's image on one ov their vids (presumably they paid his estate for the licence to use it) Calling girls tarts, slags, ho's or trollops etc, hardly makes for an adequate criticism of their music! But yes its often easy to make girls cry! I dare say, u wouldn't need much to make Sov cry either, no matter how lippy she is
Counteraction has been around fe long time It Goes back to the days ov Bluebeat n’ Prince Buster and woz prominent in rivalry between Reggae Toasters (MC’s) I Roy and U Roy, baldhead and dreadlock, Eek a Mouse and King Kong
It woz the province ov Dancehall, Slackness n Ragga JA stars
N played its part in da killin’s ov Tenor Saw n Nitty Gritty allegedly by Supercat, longtime ‘fore history decided to get Biggie n Tupac in on the act
However Miz Sovs diatribe contribution to such a genre is rather lame in hilarity ov content and seems to hinge mainly on Jentina’s gypsy pedigree which begs another question as how she was qualified to headline an ANL concert, given the lyrical content ov such a song
xxx Dutch Girl
Jentina a traveller? Still don't believe it and never will. Nor did anyone else and that's why she flopped. Plus her music was shit and she couldn't rap and at the end of the day - that's important.
I agree with your 'counteraction' point. Which is why it is stupid for Jentina's sister to moan about Lady Sovereign when Jentina practically invites an attack in her lyrics. If it wasn't Sov, it would be a thousand other people.
Jentina was also being promoted as an 'exciting urban signing from the underground' in a time when UK rap in whatever form is undergoing a boost in popularity. It's only natural a record label would want to manufacture a rapper and get in on the act but you can't sell shit. Well produced shit is still shit and that's what Jentina was. Of course she was representing female MCs - when she gets up on stage she will be judged and she was. And flopped. She thought she was an MC.
I saw her at MTV Base and the audience laughed at her. She was so shit. Did any of you see her at MTV Base live? Doubt it.
You may questions Sov's lyrics but fact: Jay Z has signed her and Jentina's biggest influence (she says so herself) Missy Elliot is a huge fan of Lady Sovereign. Poor Jentina. And Lady Sovereign's diss only made light of the gypsy element because Jentina went on about it, whoring out her history to sell a shitty none hit wonder record with the worst lyrics in recent history. Most of Sad Arse Strippa actually concerns Jentina's rapping and how shit she is rather than her 'gypsy' race.
Dumb bitch.
And don't think you dissed me, cause you didn't and yes I understand English, more than you do!
U little fuck
You're all just jealous of me
Because you can't be me
Coz one day you'll see
What I'm gonna be
The biggest rap star in history
Gypsy this and gypsy that
My tunes are bangin'
Pure phat!
Even though I look and sound and dance
Like a twat
No record label pushing you in a direction? Your whole marketing was based on the fact you were 'your own person' when in fact you were a fake twat who couldn't dance.
What is the point of coming back to an industry you've failed in, Jentina? You had millions spent on you and people took one look at you and listened to your records and didn't like what they heard. It wasn't French Kisses that ruined you - it was your rapping. Deep down you know you aren't that good.
If you ARE the real Jentina then you really need to take your own advice: you insulted Girls Aloud (which was really dumb considering you've sold no records) and flopped. Your album didn't even get released - well apart from in Italy where people barely speak English.
You know you aren't any good. And if you do come back people will be waiting with forums like this, watching your every move in public and analysing your awful lyrics. Remember that.
Ignore the hate comments Jentina. These people have nothing better to do in their life :)
There are alot of people who support you and like your music - I'm sure the odd geek isn't going to stop you!!
Also, your social skills are terrible. I can't believe you have many friends in real life if you talk to people like that.
I don't like Billie Piper but I don't waste my life telling the world this.
GET A LIFE and stop being a bully...
You obviously haven't got anything better to do with your time.
Maybe if you spent less time worrying about Jentina, you'd actually get a girlfriend yourself.
I think Jentina is great and Mysterious was a great track. Good luck with the new album Jen. :-)
Jentina practically admitted she didn't like Mysterious and French Kisses was a mistake so your sucking up won't matter.
EDIT: If you actually knew me, you'd know there was nothing remotely geeky about me. I consider suck-ups of a failed gypsy 'rapper' whose album consists of tracks she didn't even like to be even geekier than I could ever be. Though I have emailed Ruffryders PR and sent them a link to the Bad Ass Strippa video complete with all the comments made about it.
Go get a life, because you seriously need one. And i hope your minging posts get shut down, you fucking bull-dike.
1. you're insecure because you're crap and ugly and you've no friends in real life, everyone hates you. And for that you're posting comments here about Jentina, to make yourself feel better
2. you want other people to know that because you're CRAP, being crap is OK. but they wont belive that, so you have to make up that a celeb is crap, for it to look good
3. you really want to get with Jentina Chapman, but you're afraid she might turns you down, so you want other people to reply to you, saying what they think.
conclusion: YOU'RE BASTARD.
GET A LIFE, DON'T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO OTHER THEN MAKE UP THINGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW??
What you're doin' is very childish.
You're interested in Jentina, but because you're ugly and pathetic, u know you haven't any chance and you know you can't get such girlfriends, you even can't get girlfriends and that makes you angry, so angry you post shitcomments about Jentina, what makes you feel better
sad motherfucker
It really isn't my fault her album never got released in Britain. And it isn't my fault you have a hard time grasping the obvious.
Again, I'm rather slim and well off. My life is rather exciting, I do well for myself and am popular. Self loathing isn't the reason I attack Jentina. I attack her because she offends me - everything she represents is vile. Women in pop music don't need to shag people to get record contracts and that is exactly what people think of Jentina after watching her finger sucking Bad Ass Strippa video. Female MCs must HATE Jentina for setting their careers back a hundred years with shitty lyrics and awful diction.
Again, for all your insults my intelligence speaks for itself. Jentina is a failure. She knows that and so do you. Let's not fight like children.
EDIT: I am very sympathetic towards people. I am a nice person. I just dislike certain people. Jentina fans (all three of them) are rather stupid and can barely spell like their idol. What a spastic.
Wots ur game den? Trying out for a career in the Church (The Evangelical wing I would say)?
Or practising carving a niche out for ur self with auld Doc Paisley in N Ireland’s DUP
maybe?
Alternately, may I don my doctor’s hat and advice u of the benefit of seeking a number of sessions on a psychiatrist’s couch over this mentalyloopedjentinaobsession
Following ur direction I managed to access ‘youtube’ to judge for myself the validity of ur assertions
It did not escape my notice that the majority of comments on the various Jentina videos, purport to carry your name
Yes I saw the 30 sec approx video ov the TWO schoolgirls. It hardly merits u sexing it up rather luridly as ‘The teenagers and kids Jentina sucked her fingers off to impress’
Two people Paul Two! For all I know, they are your sisters, or in your ‘Mr rather slim n well off’ persona, you could have quite easily afforded, hiring them to perform
Can’t see a ’Spontaneous Orange’ Revolution, or a tide ov pop punters ‘People’s Power’ sweeping all things Jentina before it ‘n’ installing Sov as the tru queen ov Rap, going by dat as evidence though? Paul!
A bit like Colin Powell standing up in the UN wiv his photoshopped images ov Saddam’s WOMD’s! Innit, if u think about it
I suggest ur fabulous wealth may also offer u the alternative of black market drugs A quantity of reefers (skunk or senci buds is the best I believe) could easily be obtained!
U light n suck on them like a cigarette
U could then relax ur Jentina obsession by listening to Whale music, whilst mentally bathing in the soothing effects of the herb
True I never saw the MTV video, so your statement regarding it, is little more than subjective hearsay, and would be inadmissible in a court of law
Produce it or its URL
Further your contrived reasonableness, is often ruined by frequent Paisleylike outbursts detailing a vitriolic hatred, which is not solely confined to the subjects singing ability, but unreasonably expands to her sex, (alleged) morals, and ethnicity
Neither is it enhanced by ur lecturing others on their implied childishness whilst blithely ignoring urself as u throw all the toys out of the pram
I also deduce your simple Catholic like faith in the miraculous apparition ov Jentina on this list. Paul Puts u in mind ov Lourdes huh! Spooky eh!
Especially since this is a spoof site n Jentina jus’ happened by! Extremely fortunate
As for Dutch Girl barely speaking English! She seems to be holding her own against u Prof Higgins!
Finally clearly ur not as sympathetic or nice as me, as seemingly, your self advertised illustrious personality magic n' gentlemanly qualities are inexplicably lost on wee Dutch Girl, so Tuff
For fuck sake! Get a grip!
Here lets try this, Imagine my voice saying over n over again 'Listen to me Paul It ain't real. It ain't real, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, yours are getting heavy, sleep, sleep, your going under and sleep...
When I click my fingers, you will wake up forgetting you ever visited this site, now go out and buy a violin and study classical music
Like some people here, Paul 'Pathetic'
If only I were allowed to dish out social justice. Thankfully society has seen fit to elevate morally responsible people to those positions of power. I'm just another pleb drowning in the resevoir of musical effluence. Your fifteen seconds of fame appears to be over. But what have they got in store for us next I wonder? Hopefully some kind of biologically absurd gestalt that goes insane and turns on its masters. A bit like Robbie Wiliams only four times the size and with lasers for hands.
well there are a lot of slagging matches going on here and if you lot aint got anything betta to do than bitch i suggest you get a life
xx
wez olliez m8z we alwayz @ olliez
she is well fit better than that slag jentina
jen who????????????????
neva f_u_ckin erd of er she is she
It's strange.
wow, was that even an ATTEMPT to be intelligent or is your stupidity genetically inherent?
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