You Maniacs!

You finally, really did it. You maniacs! You voted for him! Aw, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Okay, so it may not be completely over as I type this but I doubt the power behind the throne of America will let recounts and legality stand in the way of their puppet King reclaiming his crown. There will probably be some considerable pressure for Kerry to concede before any shenanigans are uncovered. Sure, we could spend some time flinging excuses around – inefficient voting system causes youth not to vote, key states have too high a percentage of the mentally ill among their populations, the clocks going back last weekend confused the elderly – but perhaps it’s best we think to the future instead.

What do the next four years hold in store? Well, if there really is a God then every person who voted Republican will lose their job, be forced to join the army as the only employer around, suffer some horrible maiming in some distant land, catch skin cancer through a hole in the ozone layer (I know you really can’t just catch skin cancer; I’m well aware it’s injected by parrot beaks) while lying on the stretcher waiting to be bussed home, and discover they have no health cover and the military pension scheme has gone bankrupt. On the slight chance that there is no God or He is still distracted by the opening rounds of the fifty-bosomed warrior women mud-wrestling tournament on Tau Hydra III, though, it may be up to us both in America and the rest of the world to stop this happening again.

We need to attack the source of neo-conservative power and destroy it as soon as possible.

That source is not actually the miniature leprechaun that George W. Bush keeps tied to his back hair and which can sometimes be seen as a bulge under his jacket. That leprechaun is for decorative purposes only.

The target of the attack must be the media. Specifically: the Murdoch-controlled media. Specifically specifically: The Sun and Fox News.

Tim at Bloggerheads proposes that we endeavour to own the bulk of real estate for every major search query relating to Murdoch assets and show what role those assets play, show people the lies they’ve been told, the people behind those lies, and the purpose of those lies.

Since that may have a faster and less bloody result than Project Right-Wing-Brain-Mushing-Biotoxin-Carrying Flying Monkey Squadron which is currently on the drawing board at neOnbubble Mansion I think I’ll sign up to that and have a go. This means I’m going to have to think of key phrases that future voters will search for so that I can craft Google-friendly pages filled with truth. However, I’m having trouble thinking like a Republican; I can’t turn off enough of my brain to accurately emulate one. Your suggestions for phrases and emulation tips will be most welcomed.

Author: Mark

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  1. I hope our European friends will remember that roughly only half of us voted for him. Hate the man, the policies, the actions, and the Republicans, just don’t beat in the heads of the rest of us when we visit the rest of the civilized world masquerading as Canadians.


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  2. No, you Nu-Canadians are okay with us. Perhaps it’s time to start proceedings for the East and West coast states to secede from the Union. Or, threaten to join the EU, bolster the Euro, send the dollar spiralling downwards, cause the Chinese to cash in their bonds and send the federal bank into insolvency. No more money = no more republicans. Works like garlic on vampires.

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  3. I like your thinking, Mark. Might be easier to make them part of Canada though, since they are actually joined to them, then we can declare them part of the Commonwealth.

    The mid-states are a bunch of inbreeds anyway *

    * this is a gross generalisation, and apologies to those from the mid-states who are not the offspring of a brother and sister coupling.

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  4. Hi Anni, apology accepted. I am the person from the mid states who is not married to a member of my family. I get mercilessly beaten for only having ten toes.

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