Where Does Rain Come From?

ScienceReproduced with permission from the neOnbubble Know You Some Science series of student learning guides.

Where does rain come from?
Rain comes from clouds, the grey and white bits in the sky that aren’t seagulls. Just like seagulls, clouds eject liquid excretions through their bottoms. Cloud excrement is called rain. Seagull excrement is called there’s fucking bird shit all over my car again, have they got a fucking map that tells them where I’ve parked?, bastards.

What do clouds eat and drink?
When anything in nature consumes something else it takes the nutrients it can and the rest – the waste – is dumped. Your waste is formed from hamburgers, artichokes, and Singapore Slings, for example, and is called wee-wee and number twos. Clouds eat the flesh from passengers on board planes struck by lightning – all of which is subsumed and used by the clouds to feed its fluffy neural network of rage. Clouds also absorb water when the liquid evaporates, which it retains until it is accused of being fat; this is then rained upon you.

What is evaporation?
Evaporation is the natural process where water molecules fight off the force of gravity and fly to a better life in space. In their natural state water molecules clump together for warmth – making them heavy – but it doesn’t work very well. Water is cold-blooded. However, if water is split apart or once it warms up it’s every molecule for itself and nothing can stop those babies from spreading their wings and soaring. Nothing except clouds that is.

For over three years leading scientists have maintained that the bulk of water evaporates from the sea to avoid high salt in its diet, flies over mountains, and lands on the plains in lakes which leak through the Earth into ocean pipes. They call this the water cycle. This is clearly preposterous though – the sea contains mostly low sodium salt making it relatively healthy – and rain experts now suspect that the three main causes of water evaporation are:

Footballers’ Spit · No other sport produces quite so much spitting as football; no, not even International Gobbing On Germans. Stepping on the field requires a great big wad of phlegm at the feet. Stretching exercises double that. When the actual match starts every other step transforms the pitch into a fountain display of spittle.

Studs on the boots of footballers act to break down the pools of cooling liquid on the grass over the course of ninety minutes and the saliva vapour then escapes upwards to avoid being crushed under an excessive goal-celebration man-sandwich. Footballers’ spit accounts for over a third of all raincloud absorption each year.

RainGig Sweat · It has long been known that acoustic soundwaves of a sonic nature have the ability to destroy things. With sound. Opera singers frequently smash expensive crystal with their voices and waddle off into the night before the owners find their clubbing brooms. R ‘n’ B music is attuned to the atomic vibrations of the brain and destroys important tissue, rendering fans of the genre into gibbering idiots. Most music, when played loud enough, can shake apart the water molecules that make up human sweat. Science-like monitoring shows that packed gig crowds generate almost 19% of Earth’s cloud rain each year.

Angels’ Tears · Science these days has dismissed the notion that angels sit on the clouds looking down on us mortals. Such superstition does not belong in modern society. Experimentation shows that angels instead cling to the underside of clouds using fluffy hooks in order that they may spy on people. To fully understand why we cannot see angels please refer to the neOnbubble Know You Some Science guide Why Does God Punish Me?.

Angels are upset by the many ills of the world, manifesting their anguish as torrents of tears. These tears do not fall directly to Earth as they are magnetically attracted to cloud innards. Instead they are soaked up and pass through as holy rain in the same way as phlegm or sweat. Nobody knows all the things that upset angels but it is generally accepted that teenage boys constructing experimental objects with toilet rolls and teenage girls misusing their curling tongs are the leading causes. So stop it.

How much do clouds weigh?
Experts at the UK’s Met office have conducted numerous experiments over the last four decades to determine the answer to this question. Their conclusion is that it is impossible to weigh a cloud as it won’t sit still on the scales.

Author: Mark

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30 Comments

  1. Other significant causes of water evaporation: spilled beer (most prevalent at universities), lawn sprinklers(people turn them on whether it has rained recently or not), and baseball games (all of that pee has to go somewhere).

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  2. I was going to add vomit after clubbing but then I realised that trees plant sawdust seeds in it and it stops any moisture rising into the clouds. Obviously.

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  3. Rain obeys the laws of gravitoo. This is like gravity but attraction depends not on mass but rather on your level of Englishness – the more English you are, the more likely you’ll be looking through a window and moaning that you can’t play cricket.

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  4. Gravitoo works very well in Seattle, WA too! ;)

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  5. I’m certainly no teenager, but I have decided to do my bit to stop upsetting the Angels.

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  6. That explains everything I neede to know about the rain in Houston. Thank you!

    Now I am going to have a talk with some footballers and get a gun to shot some angels.

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    • i love it when i have to do prodject for my science teacher in fact i love when my teacher talks he sound like an angle that came down to earth but thats not why im here im here to tell you people that think that know every thing but really dont that you can start anywere in the watewr cycle but the main reason that im typing tho the people out in the world is beacuse my science teacher is alsome but the only thing i dont like about him is that he always reqiers work you know andits not that hes mean or anything but you know what teachers are like there so hard on kids when there like 12 or 13 years old so all you peopl out there that are reading this i hope you guys know i have dislecia but i have been taking good care of that so when u read this please comment back soon!

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  7. Absolutely love Neon Bubble. I wonder how much a hurricane weighs?

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  8. not enough piktures and boring

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  9. BORING :@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@

    NOT GIVING ME ENOUGH FOR MY PROJECT

    :@:@:@:@:@

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  10. Not enough for your project? What? What other article explaining how rain is formed covers spit from football players in anywhere near the depth covered here? I challenge you to find a better explanation of where rain comes from! I challenge you sir!

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  11. not giving me information for my project

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  12. RAIN COMES FROM CLOUDS. BUT, HOW IT DOES THE RAIN COMES FROM ANOTHER WAY?

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  13. ur all gay and theres nothing u can do about hahahhaahhaahahahahahaghahahahhaha

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  14. i do still want 2 know were do rain come from some say from the lords tears.

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  15. hello people if u are a fan go on my page on bebo and become a fan

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  16. hey geek girl wat the hell the lords tears he’s dead and you will be too

    jokes not
    jokes

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  17. Its sites like this that create dumb people thoughout the world, more so in America.

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  18. it dose not tell you much i don’t like it

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  19. hgkxbchbvmjfgkdgk *burp* excuse me sorry

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  20. ummm i just read the comments so i have nothing 2 say except this

    my mom found out i got a face book and she only allows me 2 go on once a month so unfair

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  21. my comment is that your page is cool and it gave us some science prodect so thank you

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  22. dont say swear words to kids

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  23. children use research tools such as the internet for school and other ways of learning i really don’t think the f word should be used in these learning tools just goes to prove that you are an idiot maybe you should go back and rewrite your story

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    • Geogianna, there’s nothing more I want than to help children learn and I’m glad you’ve commented because it gives me a chance to interject a few lessons right now:

      1. Children swear. A lot. Not finding swear words here will matter not one jot in the grand scheme of things. Not only that, but swear words are real words. They have their place in language just as much as words that describe shades of blue.

      2. Grammar is a wonderful thing. It contains capital letters and punctuation and rules governing where and when to use them, and it simplifies the process of expressing concepts to strangers. Your comment is a great example to the kids you apparently care about so much in how not to use grammar. Thank you for it.

      3. Use of swear words does not – I’m afraid to say – prove idiocy or lack thereof. Use of swear words proves that one has the ability to use swear words but further conclusions are difficult to arrive at. May I humbly recommend looking up the scientific method on the internet for an explanation into laws, rules, theories, experiments, and proofs? Note: any article you find may contain swearing.

      4. Which do you think is the genuine larger issue of the following: that you were upset that children performing research about rain for school might chance upon an article containing swearing, or that you weren’t upset that children performing research about rain for school might chance upon an article that explains it comes from angels? It’s rather telling, don’t you think?

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  24. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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