As someone who frequents the veterinary hospital regularly on account of having a diabetic cat it has not escaped my notice that veterinary nurses are – by and large – a not too unattractive bunch of young ladies. This is in stark contrast to my visits to the local women’s shotput club where the members are – by and large – bi and large.
Now, I’m a married man and it would never normally enter my head to consider nurses at the vets to be anything other than sirens coaxing unsuspecting pet-owners in through the doorway that leads to the examination room where the evilly-lit-from-below vet welcomes you with a maniacal laugh and waggling fingers as he demonstrates his all-new till ready to take your money faster and in larger amounts than ever before for the most ridiculous-yet-plausibly-dangerous-sounding animal illnesses in order to pay for his new pair of yachts. That said, I am aware that single men on the lookout for single lady nurses might happen upon this website from time-to-time and it is with this thought in mind that I have decided to aid you singletons in your quest to fornicate with the pervasive scent of dog urine and rabbit droppings everywhere.
Behold! Chat-up lines targeted at veterinary nurses! You’re welcome. No, you’re welcome.
- I’d like to check you for worms.
- My snake has a voracious appetite.
- How often should one play with a beaver?
- I’m looking to buy a small bird or a donkey. Tit or ass? Which would you recommend?
- I’m a wild animal! Put me down baby!
- Termite’s the night, if you play your cards right.
- I’ve got a problem with my woodpecker.
- I can lick myself clean.
- Would you like to take a sample?
- Dromedary or Bactrian camel? One hump or two?
- If you were a fish I’d put you in my keep net.
- I feel strangely drawn to you, like a moth to an exposed compact fluorescent lamp.
- Grab your goat love, you’ve pulled.
- When aroused, the elephant appears to have five legs. Hi, call me Tripod.
- Do you like farmyard animals? How do you feel about cocks?
- Don’t mind that lump down there; I’ve got a problem with moles.
- Would you like some crabs?
- I’m like a cricket. Rub my leg and I’ll keep you up all night with the noise too.
- If you were a mosquito I’d risk malaria.
- Problem with mouth slugs? You need something salty.
- Am I going mad nurse or does my hamster smell like chloroform?
- Many moons ago ten fearless explorers descended into the heart of Africa in search of the flawless sapphire Rhinoceros of Upper Volta. On their quest they encountered hardships and survived perilous ordeals. They solved fiendish puzzles and discovered secrets lost to the ages. Finally, they came upon a pearl tower hidden among the deepest, lushest jungle. They fought their way majestically past massive guardians and not one succumbed to any of the deadly traps or bottomless pits. These ten explorers were the first to lay eyes on the fabulous jewel treasure and they were overcome with emotion. They set about it, breaking it into even pieces and then each one departed back to their home where they were able to relax and think happily about the incredible, long, arduous trek and the thrilling climax to their incredible adventure. I was one of the ten. I just wanted to tell you I’ve got the horn.