Veterinary Nurse Chat Up Lines

CatAs someone who frequents the veterinary hospital regularly on account of having a diabetic cat it has not escaped my notice that veterinary nurses are – by and large – a not too unattractive bunch of young ladies. This is in stark contrast to my visits to the local women’s shotput club where the members are – by and large – bi and large.

Now, I’m a married man and it would never normally enter my head to consider nurses at the vets to be anything other than sirens coaxing unsuspecting pet-owners in through the doorway that leads to the examination room where the evilly-lit-from-below vet welcomes you with a maniacal laugh and waggling fingers as he demonstrates his all-new till ready to take your money faster and in larger amounts than ever before for the most ridiculous-yet-plausibly-dangerous-sounding animal illnesses in order to pay for his new pair of yachts. That said, I am aware that single men on the lookout for single lady nurses might happen upon this website from time-to-time and it is with this thought in mind that I have decided to aid you singletons in your quest to fornicate with the pervasive scent of dog urine and rabbit droppings everywhere.

Behold! Chat-up lines targeted at veterinary nurses! You’re welcome. No, you’re welcome.

  • I’d like to check you for worms.
  • My snake has a voracious appetite.
  • How often should one play with a beaver?
  • I’m looking to buy a small bird or a donkey. Tit or ass? Which would you recommend?
  • I’m a wild animal! Put me down baby!
  • Termite’s the night, if you play your cards right.
  • I’ve got a problem with my woodpecker.
  • I can lick myself clean.
  • Would you like to take a sample?
  • Dromedary or Bactrian camel? One hump or two?
  • If you were a fish I’d put you in my keep net.
  • I feel strangely drawn to you, like a moth to an exposed compact fluorescent lamp.
  • Grab your goat love, you’ve pulled.
  • When aroused, the elephant appears to have five legs. Hi, call me Tripod.
  • Do you like farmyard animals? How do you feel about cocks?
  • Don’t mind that lump down there; I’ve got a problem with moles.
  • Would you like some crabs?
  • I’m like a cricket. Rub my leg and I’ll keep you up all night with the noise too.
  • If you were a mosquito I’d risk malaria.
  • Problem with mouth slugs? You need something salty.
  • Am I going mad nurse or does my hamster smell like chloroform?
  • Many moons ago ten fearless explorers descended into the heart of Africa in search of the flawless sapphire Rhinoceros of Upper Volta. On their quest they encountered hardships and survived perilous ordeals. They solved fiendish puzzles and discovered secrets lost to the ages. Finally, they came upon a pearl tower hidden among the deepest, lushest jungle. They fought their way majestically past massive guardians and not one succumbed to any of the deadly traps or bottomless pits. These ten explorers were the first to lay eyes on the fabulous jewel treasure and they were overcome with emotion. They set about it, breaking it into even pieces and then each one departed back to their home where they were able to relax and think happily about the incredible, long, arduous trek and the thrilling climax to their incredible adventure. I was one of the ten. I just wanted to tell you I’ve got the horn.

Author: Mark

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  1. I seem to have lost my pussy, could I borrow yours?

    (Though I don’t think that will be any more successful than the others…)

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  2. Heyy,im a yr 8 at inter nd i wundering which subjects to take to b a vet nurse

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  3. English. Sure, the cats and dogs don’t necessarily speak or write it so well either but you’ll find it invaluable in handling things such as prescriptions and procedural instructions. Not forgetting, of course, that should you spell quite so atrociously when applying for your particular vocation you won’t, sadly, get so far as an initial interview unless it’s been a bad few days at the veterinary college and they’re looking for a laugh before the weekend.

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  4. I have recently moved to a new house with my kids and male neutered cat Cinnamon. There is a stray male cat that used to belong to the owner of the house. He asked us to feed him on the back porch but to not let him in for any long amounts of time. The stray terrorizes my Cinnamon from the two glass doors in the house. Cinnamon has start to spray anything and everywhere. He has even gone in the middle of my bed. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

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  5. hi, I was woundering how and what do you need to become a veterinary

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  6. well here’s something im copying and pasting from the job centre website


    Vacancy from
    Job No:



    40 HOUR WEEK


    Date posted

    11 May 2010
    Pension details

    No details held

    Essential minimum qualifications: 5 GCSEs A*-C including English, Maths and Science (or equivalent entry qualifications). You will work alongside other trainee nurses and under the supervision of a qualified veterinary nurse. You will be required to complete course work and attend college if deemed suitable. Work will be on a rota system with some early. starts and some late finishes. Occasional weekend work may be required. You must have some experience of working with animals, ideally in a veterinary practice and should have researched and be fully aware of the job requirements of a veterinary nurse. We are looking for a motivated, caring individual that is honest and reliable. You will often be dealing with worried pet owners face-to-face or over the telephone hence good communications skills and confidence is essential. . Please apply by email to You can visit our website at
    How to apply

    You can apply for this job by sending a CV/written application to Roseanna Nauk at Pets Vaccination Centre, Veterinary Surgery,

    Pets Vaccination Centre, Veterinary Surgery

    so i guess you need 5 gcse passes?

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  7. I need help with our dog

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