Having recently watched Tin Man (and enjoying it despite the flaws, or maybe because of them, or maybe because of Kathleen Robertson, hubba hubba, yes probably that last bit) it occurred to both me and my other half that you get some bloody great clothing designs in the world of science fiction. Obviously, you also get Gil Gerard in white spandex in Buck Rogers, but let’s gloss over that and think happy thoughts instead.
Now, since my Hottest Sci-Fi Babes Ever article continues to get good traffic (who’d have thought that a post containing the words "hottest" and "babes" would do so well on the web?) it seems only right and proper and easy (never forget the easy part) to supplement it with a rundown of what I consider to be the best outfits, costumes, or uniforms from the world of science fiction, on television or in film.
And, just so we’re clear before we start: no, I’m not gay, but I do play a metrosexual on the internet.
Actress: Kathleen Robertson
TV Show/Film: Tin Man
Azkadellia gets to wear a plethora of wonderful outfits in this TV mini-series. The chain mail look, the feathered look, the rather tasty black number with the weird upturned collar that looks like it’s there to prevent her from biting her skin while she heals after a trip to the vets, and, of course, as pictured, the medieval knight chic look. Combining style with practicality is always important for a sorceress ruler of any outer zone and Azkadellia combines both here with a colour that’s flattering to her skin tone and hair and the common sense protection against neck-level sword-swings that can often spell the end to any reign of terror.
Character: Robert A. Fett
Actor: Jeremy Bulloch
TV Show/Film: Star Wars
Boys love playing with their toys and you don’t get a better toy than a fricking jet pack! With a flame-retardent cape billowing out behind you you’ll look only slightly like a multi-coloured Lego explosion being tossed through the air as you soar through the sky in your bounty hunter costume. But who cares! You’ve got a fricking jet pack!
Actor: Bruce Boxleitner
TV Show/Film: Tron
The Matrix would have you believe that inside the computer the world is just like our own but Tron got there first and Tron knew better. It’s dark inside a computer and it’s full of dust. That’s a recipe for disaster when it comes to avoiding getting lost. Unless your uniform of choice has glow-in-the-dark strips woven into it, that is. Great for nightclubbing too.
Character: Necromonger Vaako
Actor: Karl Urban
TV Show/Film: The Chronicles Of Riddick
When you’re part of a religious movement that is aiming to convert the whole universe to worship the dead how do you get girls to notice you? By dressing fabulous, of course. Or killing their families. But dressing fabulous is preferred and – let’s face it – everyone looks good in a dark suit of armour.
Actor: Ardwight Chamberlain
TV Show/Film: Babylon 5
Science fiction appeals to a large number of people the world over; generally, the more intelligent people. Sadly, intelligence typically bears an inverse relationship with attractiveness and that means sci-fi conventions are overrun with, for example, fat fans squeezing into outfits far too tight and destroying any possible future Orion slave girl fantasies. If only there was a science fiction costume that everyone could wear no matter what shape or size, or how physically deformed they were. There is! The Ambassador Kosh look is the only look you’ll need.
Actress: Milla Jovovich
TV Show/Film: The Fifth Element
The future is a dangerous place; a place where you can get attacked, cut, scraped, bitten, and poked at by anything, anyplace, anytime. Not only that, but the future seems to be mostly devoid of toilets. So, it’s a happier, safer future for you indeed if you elect to pick this particular ensemble which can double as bandages and loo paper in emergencies too.
Actress: Jane Fonda
TV Show/Film: Barbarella
In the sexually-liberated 41st century you need to take precautions and Barbarella’s outfit has the most important precaution built-in: a wipe-clean plastic front.
Character: Logan 5
Actor: Michael York
TV Show/Film: Logan’s Run
I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking: surely a uniform from a science fiction film that enabled the wearer to hide among zebras would make it into a list of the greatest sci-fi outfits, wouldn’t it? You’re so damned smart it makes my head hurt.
Character: Lt. Sylvia Howell
Actress: Georgina Moon
TV Show/Film: UFO
The key to a really good uniform is adding in that little bit of functionality that sets it apart. If you’re a fan of submarines or the sea, therefore, you’ll just love the Skydiver operator uniform as worn in the TV series UFO. It can get hot when you’re sealed in a steel can underwater doing battle with aliens but this outfit has plenty of gaping great holes to let your skin breathe comfortably. And if you’re washed ashore on a desert island following an aquatic disaster it’s nice to know that you’ll not have to waste valuable time fashioning a fishing net to survive too.
Actor: Sean Connery
TV Show/Film: Zardoz
If you’re caught in a post-apocalyptic future where good fabric is at a premium and you’re in need of something to wear that’s dramatic and says "I’m in charge! I’m a brutal exterminator!" then you could do worse than to take a leaf out of the costume designer behind cult movie Zardoz’s book and try something from the red underpants and gunbelt line. Airy and terrifying is so in right now.