The Joy Of Pointing with Tim Westwood

Can’t think what to do this Summer?

Why not learn a new skill?

Discover The Joy Of Pointing.

Impress your posse with the illest, dopest, flyest, defest, dumbest, and blindest skills this side of Heaven. Sign up for a comprehensive, high-octane course in Street Pointing with the Point Professor himself, Tim Westwood, octagenarian BBC Radio 1 DJ and host of MTV’s Pimp My Ride UK.

Take a look at the course preview! Look man, look!


Basic Attitude Point
The Basic Attitude Point is the pointing technique from which all other points form. Beginners must perfect this first pointing method before progressing. Ideal when you need to keep it simple or take the wayback machine to the days of old school and beyond or if you’ve only got one hand free. Once this skill is mastered you’ll also find it has everyday uses too allowing you to call elevators and pick your nose more efficiently.

Tim Westwood, Pointing

Westwood says …

Yo! Now your basic point needs that classic Westwood attitude. Say it! At-ti-tude! It looks simple to an outsider but this is still the bomb. Mmmmm. Cra-zeee. Look at those other fingers. You need wicked fly skills to keep it real like that. Do I make myself clear? Understand that! Exactly. Other cats might just concentrate on the index finger but not this dude. Recognise!
The Double Dead Worms
The Double Dead Worms gets its name from the resemblance to two creatures of the phylum Annelida suffering from rigor mortis. Essentially a Basic Attitude Point duplicated and mirrored there are still some noticeable differences that, if not taught properly, will render your street cred zero. Zero. You want to be a hero, not a zero.

Tim Westwood, Pointing

Westwood says …

Are you tired of getting stomped on? Exactly. Now you want the crazy dope Dee to the Dee Double-you. That’s Double Dead Worms baby. Or Dope Def Wicked! Yeah, you know it! Recognise. You will be having a lot of fun out there with this pimped-up bomb of a point. Two hands! Exactly. Yo. So gangsta, so old school. Respect!
Two Fingers Of Whiskey
Deriving its name from the Wild West custom of ordering whiskey by the thickness of the barman’s fingers and originating, appropriately enough, from the west coast of America, the Two Fingers pointing technique at once brings the pointer back to his or her childhood playing with pretend guns. Your bitches and/or hos will also appreciate this and you’ll find out why on the course.

Tim Westwood, Pointing

Westwood says …

Exactly! It’s a shutdown, it’s a takeover. You take your one-finger pointers and you tear them down. Recognise. Cold lampin’! Two fingers is more than enough for any woman. Trust me, I’m a doctor. Of pointing. You know what I’m saying? Exactly! Yeah, we need that. Big pimpin’ to the extreme baby. Mmmmm. Do I make myself clear?
Duelling Bunnies
Picture two buck rabbits fighting to the death over the love of a lady rabbit and you’re halfway there but the tough half is still to come. You won’t just form duelling bunnies on this course though, you’ll be duelling bunnies!

Tim Westwood, Pointing

Westwood says …

Massive respect to my man X to the Zee, Xzibit here, pointing it out west-coast-style. Recognise. I haven’t got a clue what he’s doing with his fingers here but yo! Check out my moves! Exactly! Doped-up! This is the way it’s going down. Back in the groove. Can you feel that? Exactly! All you ladies out there get moist for Westwood. Let’s go! Big bunny style!
Unnamed Pointing Style For 2006
On Tim Westwood’s "Joy Of Pointing" you’ll also be introduced to the latest pointing techniques fresh from the pointing capitals of the world; west coast, east coast, Brixton, and even from the imagination of the world’s foremost pointer, Tim Westwood himself. Be the first in your ‘hood to point next year’s styles today.

Tim Westwood, Pointing

Westwood says …

Yo! When I’m kicking back in my crib I like to up my bomb game because I’m a dude! Cra-zeee. Recognise. Exactly! So gangsta! Look at those wicked fingers. That’s old school new schooled man. A future all-time classic. Mmmmmm. Do you understand what’s going down right now? It’s louder than a bomb, it’s louder than a nuclear bomb. That’s Paul Daniels fingers there man! It’s magic! Let’s do that. Respect! Exactly! This is the way it’s going down!

Numbers on the various courses this Summer are strictly limited so don’t delay. Please note that admission to one of Tim Westwood’s "Joy Of Pointing" courses does not grant you the right to mock Pimp My Ride UK in front of him. Pointing is a privilege, not a right.

The Joy Of Pointing

If you can’t sign up for a course and meet the man in person then why not listen to classic Westwood radio shows, view his picture galleries (tip: other shit, hot import nights 2004), and do not question why there is no date of birth in his biography at the official site instead?

Author: Mark

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30 Comments

  1. A POST ABOUT POINTING WOULD NOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SUPER GREG! I DEMAND A PICTURE OF SUPER GREG BE INSERTED, POST HASTE!!!

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  2. jigga what?

    i’m black and i don’t have a clue about anything you just said…

    YES!!!! i am one step closer to fitting in in *points down* da dirty south. werd to ya motha (not in an offending way of course).

    ps. this is also a point –>. why is there no picture or mention of this you discriminitory disc jokey joke. sup wif dat my niguh?

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  3. well slap my balls and call me pendulum. thank you very much for the great advice. i do plan to visit englund one day, as soon as i can get him to stop making those damn horror movies. oh, and mayhaps england too. england, britain, germany, same thing right?

    /knows nothing about geography.

    ps. i’ve been to the dirty south before. don’t tell nobody. "runs away giggling*

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  4. england, britain, germany, same thing right?

    Yes, we’re all part of some place called "Australia".

    /knows nothing about geography.

    Probably safer that way. I’ve heard tales of people thrown out of the US for knowing too much about other countries.

    ps. i’ve been to the dirty south before. don’t tell nobody. "runs away giggling*

    Your 3 years in Joliet for man-solicitation secret is safe with me.

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  5. Gia’s very busy and it’s awfully difficult to get interviews sometimes. They don’t just appear in my head, you know.

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  6. Candy said "California Raisin wants to get in on the action!"

    With my superior scientific skills and lighting visual detection
    I must point out, unfortunately he’s plastic, and obviously has no nutritional value or delight
    Quite unlike ur sweet self Candy!

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  7. Can you confrim that Westwood actually made back alive? Judging by look from the quite shifty eyed fellow standing just behind Westwood and "X", it would seem something horrible was in store for your boy after that picture was taken.

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  8. Malice, I can confirm that Westwood made it back safely. As far as I know something horrible was in store and it happened, but pointing can be used as a form of martial arts defence and Westwood was ultimately victorious.

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  9. Yo, what up to all my REAL niggas in England? What? There ARE no real niggas in England? THAT’S RIGHT, BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING ENGLAND, and this is where Tim is from. He’s not from Compton, Oakland, Houston, Atlanta, Dallas, New York, The Bronx, or Queens. Hell, he’s not even from Rhode Island. This guy is from ENGLAND. How "gangsta" is he really? How much of a bad ass mofo is this guy in REAL life? Was he EVER a part of the England chapter of the Bloods or Crips? Did he EVER take part in a drive-by? Did Dr. Dre call him up one day, saying to his white English ass, "Yo, mufucka, I need yo ass to git down to tha studio and help out Eminem. He be havin’ some maja problemz wif his lyrical flowz." NO DR. DRE DID NOT CALL HIM UP, nor did anyone else. The man is in his late 40’s. Let’s take a look at why that even matters. It matters because he is a GROWN ASS MAN, and he is STILL acting like he’s a fucking teenager who doesn’t know who the fuck he really is. My apologies for using the word "fuck" so often in this post, but I feel it HAS to be used so I can fully explain how I really feel about this fucker. Seriously, I’m a grown ass man myself, and I don’t EVER feel the need to make myself sound "street", "gangsta", or "thuggish". To me, all that crap is just that, it is CRAP. That’s NOT what being "real" is all about, nor is it what "keepin’ it real" is all about either. GROW UP TIM WESTWOOD, NOONE THINKS YOU’RE A HARDCORE MUTHAFUCKA, AND THEY NEVER WILL. Sure, ok, maybe X-Zibit and him are "close friends", but I KNOW that X-Zibit makes fun of this goofy ass guy all the time. You can’t tell me that he doesn’t, and the sad part of it is, good ol’ Tim probably doesn’t even REALIZE that he does.

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  10. Oh yeah, and pointing fingers doesn’t prove ANYTHING. ANYONE can do that. Does that make us all "bad ass gangstas" just because we know how to point our freakin’ fingers? No it does not.

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  11. GraphicArtists2k5: I think you need to check your hip-hop history books. Gangsta rap was invented by Tim Westwood in 1987 and exported to the US because the UK market wasn’t mature enough to appreciate it at that time. Sounding "street" is natural for Tim and other Londoners like myself (yo!) but was something that American rappers needed to learn; prior to his teaching methods artists such as Eazy-E rapped in a style similar to moderately speeded-up Martin Luther King recordings – very good but not something that would bring attention and, subsequently, record sales. So, although it may seem weird to hear a white English man sounding black (whatever that means), in actual fact it really is the other way around. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. I can’t remember which this one is though.

    P.S. I’m very sorry to hear that you’re a "grown ass man". I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds mightily painful and Preparation H can be bought at any pharmacy.

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  12. Yo bluds!
    To further enhance Lundun’s observations May I be as bold as to refer readers to the 1847 edition of Chatto & Windus (London) publishers ‘Slang dictionary, (Etymological Historical and Anecdotal)’, where much of the hip hop / rappers slang phraoligy appears to be taken from
    Whilst there does not seem to be any great reference to Black Slang there is a whole chapter devoted to back slang
    Naem I tow on, brown bess,

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  13. yobemoh an cool ef im birk

    translation

    homeboy na look fe mi crib

    wot can I say uh!

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  14. HAHAHAHA i’ve not laughed this much since my arse spoke to me in turkish the other night.

    Nuts.
    You lot are Nuts.

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  15. Mark, for I know it’s not your way, PERMISSION TO FLAME THIS JACKHOLE PLEASE! (GraphicAsslick2k5)

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  16. can i say that tim is gentleman, and has an excellent sense of humour. he has pointed the way to us all for years now. i have the utmost respect for the big dog. and to be fair, he is the only guy in british hip hop to be SHOT!

    ROFLOL

    i *heart* westwood

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  17. lol

    pointing with westwood has changed my life

    krumping baby hustling ma hoes xactly.

    /

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  18. OOOHH, you got me on that one! And I suppose that being an Englishman just all of a sudden makes his goofy ass "cool"? Like I said, he is not "gangsta". There is NOTHING about him that is or ever will be "gangsta". "Pointing With Westwood" should be a workout DVD….I can see it now….Oh, wait, no I can’t, because that would be gayer than Boy George….

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  19. Am I reading this right? GraphicArtist2k5 is replying to a comment left almost three years ago!!!!!!??? Is this the most protracted conversation ever?

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  20. You’ve got to admire GraphicArtist2k5’s concentration – I lose the thread of conversations I’m still having…

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  21. Actually, I happened upon this thread after some time, and I felt that I should say something else.

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  22. yo GraphicArtist2k5 how cna you say they aint no real niggas in england yo! you better be listening im from england myself and unless you have been there don’t steriotype us niggas because we live in ‘ENGLAND’ and ‘ENGLAND’ aint the ‘US’ because nigga you need to get your facts straight before you start talking out your ass about something you dont even know ! hope you read what i have to say maybe it will help you before you do post something like this again some were else.

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  23. i stand corrected. indeed, there are "niggas" in england. i’m sure you’re proud to be a "nigga" too, right? even though "nigga" is a slang version of "nigger", which is a word meant to degrade people of the black race. here’s a hint: try growing up, and stop using words like "nigga" or "dawg" when talking about other people. the last time i checked, i’m not a "dawg", nor am i a "nigga", and i sure as hell don’t want to be either.

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  24. Westwood went to a public school in Norfolk somewhere – he gets a listing in the old boys’ school newsletter – bet he hates it!

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  25. grow the hell up kids, go beat one off to a video or something. acting gangsta on the internet is something that a 9 year old kid would do.

    ma

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  26. you obviously dont understand the twenty plus years of representing underground and uk hip hop that westwood did b4 falling off beleive me no matter how much of a tool he is he knows/has done more for hip hop in the uk than any other individual an if you dont like it i can just say 1 thing
    an its friday yes its friday anits friday yes its friday

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