Surviving Drone Attacks

With the vast amount of drones in the sky spying on us all and executing people without trial there’s never been a better time to embrace our mole man heritage and return to the subterranean caverns from whence we came.

Unfortunately, however, the behemoth that is Amazon hasn’t recently invested in a robotic tunnelling delivery system so there’s every chance they’ll wield their mighty power to prevent all this from happening which means that the future is a drone-filled one, like it or not. How will we cope? Well, one particular site has compiled a helpful guide to surviving drones:


As you can see, the site contains a handy chart you can download and print showing some of the most popular types of drones in the skies over a swarthy-looking individual near you right now. Or over you, if you’re a bit swarthy-looking. Or if you once talked to someone a bit swarthy-looking.

Did you know there were so many different types of drones? I didn’t. I also didn’t know that India’s Rustom I drone…


… was clearly designed by a fan of Klingon Battle Cruisers.


If India arm their drones and kill you then at least you can enter Sto’Vo’Kor safe in the knowledge that it was a good day to die.

So, just what advice can be given to someone looking to survive a drone attack?

  • Hire body doubles as decoys and to give youngsters a rewarding – if short – job in these troubling economic times
  • Surround yourself with anti-drone drones to frighten off the drones
  • Fool thermal imaging cameras on drones by setting light to everything near you with a flame thrower whenever you take a walk
  • Surround yourself with anti-anti-drone drones to protect you from the anti-drone drones that defect
  • Remain in your Fortress of Protection at all times
  • Run really fast everywhere, changing direction a lot, trying not to look suspicious
  • Dress like a drone so that the anti-anti-drone drones that rise up against humanity will think you’re one of them
  • Don’t accept a wedding invitation in Asia or the Middle East

Author: Mark

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