With the vast amount of drones in the sky spying on us all and executing people without trial there’s never been a better time to embrace our mole man heritage and return to the subterranean caverns from whence we came.
Unfortunately, however, the behemoth that is Amazon hasn’t recently invested in a robotic tunnelling delivery system so there’s every chance they’ll wield their mighty power to prevent all this from happening which means that the future is a drone-filled one, like it or not. How will we cope? Well, one particular site has compiled a helpful guide to surviving drones: http://dronesurvivalguide.org/
As you can see, the site contains a handy chart you can download and print showing some of the most popular types of drones in the skies over a swarthy-looking individual near you right now. Or over you, if you’re a bit swarthy-looking. Or if you once talked to someone a bit swarthy-looking.
Did you know there were so many different types of drones? I didn’t. I also didn’t know that India’s Rustom I drone…
… was clearly designed by a fan of Klingon Battle Cruisers.
If India arm their drones and kill you then at least you can enter Sto’Vo’Kor safe in the knowledge that it was a good day to die.
So, just what advice can be given to someone looking to survive a drone attack?
- Hire body doubles as decoys and to give youngsters a rewarding – if short – job in these troubling economic times
- Surround yourself with anti-drone drones to frighten off the drones
- Fool thermal imaging cameras on drones by setting light to everything near you with a flame thrower whenever you take a walk
- Surround yourself with anti-anti-drone drones to protect you from the anti-drone drones that defect
- Remain in your Fortress of Protection at all times
- Run really fast everywhere, changing direction a lot, trying not to look suspicious
- Dress like a drone so that the anti-anti-drone drones that rise up against humanity will think you’re one of them
- Don’t accept a wedding invitation in Asia or the Middle East