Small People

The people of Teenytinylandsville were small people indeed. Not just small like a child is small; smaller than that. Much smaller. And their children were smaller still. Small children of people really quite small when it’s all boiled down to basics.

They lived in large houses but only comparatively so. While there was plenty of space within their houses for a large family – numerically – the houses themselves, such as you or I would be more familiar with, were very small. Bigger than the small people but small nonetheless.

Small PeopleThe small people had large families as I just mentioned. That is to say that in each family of small people there were a large number of small people related to one another. The families themselves were not large except when they formed mass family groups but they never did that as personal space was important to them. The small people would have had smaller families had they any form of contraception that was reliable but the condoms they found discarded on the beaches near their village were far too large for the small men to use. Except as zeppelins.

The small people loved flying over their small village in their large zeppelins. If you had ever seen one flying over the village of Teenytinylandsville then you would not have considered it large at all but that would be because you were not small. Or perhaps you were. But even if you were small you would not have been as small as the small people in the village because they were ridiculously small indeed.

The small people called themselves Teenytinylandsvillelanders. It was a large word for a small people. They were probably compensating. Nevertheless, when written down by one of the small people the very word itself was still small. You may think the writing on the bottom of insurance forms or contracts is small but that’s really nothing compared to the inherent smallness of the written language of these particular small people. If they could have gotten over their personal space issues for one moment it might have been possible for one or two families to spell out the word by using their bodies. The word would have been positively huge in the village. Yet, to us, still so very small.

The small people made decisions as a group. There was a large hall where representatives of every family would attend to determine the politics of the village. The large hall dwarfed the large houses in the small village. It was still small though, but you’d probably gathered that by now. The small people made big decisions in the large hall. Big decisions by small people still count.

One day the small people decided to change their name. Teenytinylandsvillelanders was a bit of a mouthful and the small people had very small mouths indeed. Except when it came to the women and gossip but that’s life. The small people debated long and hard about their new name into the small hours of the morning. They were immensely tired at the end of it all because their stamina – like everything else – was small too. Finally, with a large cheer they reached a decision and decided to hold a huge party.

The small people’s huge party was the largest event the village had ever seen. It was still small on the grand scale of things but they had long ago abandoned measuring things on the grand scale on account of it being too large to fit in the village. There was cake and drinking and dancing and inappropriate groping and vomiting. Lots of vomiting. You could have filled a lake with the amount of vomit although the lake would have been a small one to us. The small people were sensible people and merely used sawdust to cover it up.

At the climax of the party a zeppelin piloted by small pilots unfurled the new village banner. The word "Teenytinylandsvillelanders" was crossed through in red and beneath it in much larger – yet still very small – letters was the new proclamation: "We Are The Little People".

Later, a tribe of leprechauns learnt that their own nickname had been appropriated and launched a savage war against the village. There was a massive bloodbath. It would have been tiny to your eyes had you been there but its impact was still immense. The small people were all killed.

Author: Mark

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  1. My head imploded. And though I have a tiny brain, it was a big implosion.

    I am glad the leprechauns seemed to have lived (or so I surmise) because then what cardboard cut-outs would I put on my windows near St Patrick’s Day??

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  2. Ole Blue: you take that back! Blasphemer!

    Babs: the leprechauns did survive. While small – to us – to the small people they were positively giants. Much crushing underfoot took place and thwacking across the windpipes with shilelaghs.

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  3. OK I will take that back…Hiccup.

    But the little people wanted me to tell you hello. 😉

    BTW…I getting very good at negatives because of your anti spam thing.

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  4. neOnbubble dot com … educating the world since 1976 …

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  5. I was 7 in 1976…

    The Teenytinylandsville-ites should have changed their name to ‘The Village People’. They would then have been able to adopt ‘YMCA’ as the village anthem without having to pay all those copyright fees.

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