The slave trade period was – with hindsight – not a great period. Not like the free opium for everyone period. Can I hear an ‘awesome’? Awesome! But back to the slave trade period. Not good.
Now, there are those who argue reparations should be made for the actions of our ancestors. Okay. Fine. I hear some of the arguments and maybe I can agree in principle with some of them.
Figures have been bandied about recently: the World Reparations and Repatriation Truth Commission have lodged a claim for $777 trillion, for example, whilst simultaneously placing their little fingers to the sides of their collective mouths. Dr Robert Beckford plucked the far more sensible figure for Britain alone of £7.5 trillion and almost kept a straight face too.
Okay. Again. Only … I’ve got a few claims of my own first.
The caveman-eating period in the history of the dinosaurs and their descendants remains a highly emotive and contentious subject.
That the systematic terrorising, roaring, cave-encroachment, and chewing of bearded cavemen in front of their bikini-clad cavebabes had an impact on the social development of mankind is not in question. The fierce dispute between me and the descendants of the dinosaurs revolves around putting a figure on the economic cost.
Birds acknowledge the role their ancestors played in the caveman-eating period but refuse to entertain the notion of compensation. I, on the other hand, believe that they should go further than merely expressing regret. An apology backed by a financial package will help to heal the mammalian-avian wounds of time. Those wounds! They hurt so bad!
A billion trillion pounds should do the trick nicely. And stop crapping on my car.
It’s difficult to find anything that’s had more of a detrimental impact on the quality of life for everyone than religion. Just a few of the awful events that can be directly associated with this stain of shame on the neatly-pressed trousers of universal history include, but are not limited to:
- religious wars, crusades, and the ilk,
- praying when you could be inventing a cure for baldness,
- the suppression of knowledge and persecution of personal lifestyle choices,
- arguing with Jehovah’s Witnesses in the doorway and missing the Premiership goals round-up,
- rummaging in your pockets for a few unconvincing moments, patting them apologetically and smiling a sad no towards the Salvation Army Pub Guilt Squad,
- M. Night Shyamalan’s movies.
God should be held accountable or, in His absence, anyone claiming to be one of God’s people.
A trillion trillion pounds for every person affected by the historical taint of religion will appease the hurt. But nothing for anybody who fell for kabbalah.