Russia: The Gayest Country On Earth

Hello Western peoples! I am being Rimsky Jobiluv, ambassador for Russia and here to promote this wonderful country in the face of intense criticism recently. This is being a tough job, no? But no.

By Masta Bord


Moscow’s famous Citadel of Fabulous Phalluses.

By now you have been hearing that Russia does not like the homosexuals and there are peoples who will be considering a boycott of Russia in the Winter Olympics. But this is silly! Russia loves the homosexuals! Russia is the gayest country on Earth and I am here to tell you how.

Red Square

You are knowing Red Square because it is in capital city and is very famous throughout the whole world but what about Orange Square? Orange Square is right next to Red Square! And there is Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet Square too! All the colours of the rainbow are in Russia. It is like being in Blackpool. But that isn’t being all! When you come in Moscow then you must enter the Pink Triangle and Brown Circle too. You will like it.

Lesbians

It is a true fact that Russia invented lesbians. Ladies who like to get inside ladies and inside them are smaller ladies. It is gang bang lesbian! You want souvenir of Russian lesbians? You ask for Matryoshka doll in shop. You will not go to prison because Russia loves lesbian ladies.

Bears

What is symbol for Russian strength? It is symbol of bear which is also name for hairy men. How can Russia not like homosexuals when Russia loves hairy men? It is crazy thought. When it gets cold in Siberia at night do you want to climb into bed and be warmed by a Russian bear? Yes you do if you want to live.

Russian men, weapons gripped tightly, flags waving, lower limbs erect.

Russian men, weapons gripped tightly, flags waving, lower limbs erect.

Parades

What are gay people liking to do? They are liking to dress nice and take part in a parade. This is what Russian people are liking to do too. Russia and gay people have much in common so it is no wonder that we love gay people so much. You can come to gay friendly Russia and wear a nice uniform and march in our colourful square and you will not be getting beat up.

Putin

Vladimir Putin is not a homosexual despite all the evidence. But this is not meaning Mister Putin does not like the gay people. For many years Putin has forgotten to wear a shirt. Maybe you have seen this and maybe you have lost your appetite? It is very cold in Russia and you will not forget your shirt if it is an accident so there is only being one reason: to turn women away from men and into the arms of other women. Do you think there is another reason? This is how nice Vladimir Putin is to the homosexual ladies.

Kremlin

This is being a verb which means two men with hands in the rectum of a third man. “Last night Boris and Viktor gave Ivan a good Kremlin”.

Author: Rimsky Jobiluv

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