Rob Schneider Or Roy Scheider?

Do you ever find yourself wondering whether it’s Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider? I know I do. And that’s why I’ve compiled a helpful guide to whether it’s Rob or Roy. But not Rob Roy. That would be stupid.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who needs a bigger boat?

roy-scheider-bigger-boat

That’s Roy Scheider!

Roy is a product of the American capitalist system. He will always need a bigger boat thanks to media conditioning.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who “thinks” there’s a link between vaccines and autism?

rob-schneider-antivax

That’s Rob Schneider!

Rob has studied the effects of vaccines on children for several decades, receiving a number of degrees and doctorates along the way. Many of Rob Schneider’s studies and double blind trials have been submitted for peer review and published earning him international plaudits among the scientific community. Despite all this he still thinks there’s a link between vaccines and autism because a friend of someone’s sister who knows someone he once shared a coffee with said that someone she knows thought she heard that a doctor might have said that someone else’s child was on the autistic spectrum and that child had recently not died because it had been vaccinated against smallpox.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who got to snuggle up with a Russian cosmonaut as they performed an aerocapture manoeuvre in Jupiter’s atmosphere?

roy-scheider-2010

That’s Roy Scheider!

Lucky, lucky bastard.

Obviously, it wasn’t just Roy and a Russian who got to perform the aerocapture; they simply don’t have the heat shielding for that sort of thing. The pair of them were aboard the Alexei Leonov in the 1984 movie 2010. Having read 2001, 2010, 2061, and 3001 I can only be thankful that thus far neither of the last two have been turned into movies. Good grief, that last one especially was tripe.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who starred in that movie you like but which comic book snobs seem to hate for some reason?

rob-schneider-dredd

That’s Rob Schneider!

I know! Rob Schneider appearing in a film I like! What are the odds of that?

The film in question is Judge Dredd and whenever I’ve asked people what they think of the film they’ve almost universally hated it. “I didn’t like Stallone.” “It wasn’t very true to the comic book.” “Someone in front of me kept getting up to use the toilet.” Whine, whine, whine. Moan, moan, moan. You’re all wrong. It was a fun movie from the eighties that captured a lot of elements from a lot of different storylines from the comic strip (unlike the more recent Dredd film which featured pretty much one: city blocks) and did them very well for the time. It also had Rob Schneider in it and he didn’t pull the film down into the gutter despite his best efforts.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who was on that television show with the futuristic submarine and talking dolphin?

roy-scheider-seaquest

That’s Captain Nemo!

No.

That’s Roy Scheider!

The show was seaQuest DSV, the dolphin was named Darwin, and the fact it survived beyond more than a couple of episodes probably had a lot to do with Steven Spielberg attaching his name to the project in some capacity. Oh, it was bad. How bad was it? It was Rob Schneider bad. That’s how bad it was.

Rob Schneider or Roy Scheider?
Which is the one who looks like the offspring of a Kazon warrior and that guy who presents Ancient Aliens on the History channel?

rob-schneider-kazon-giorgio

That’s Rob Schneider!

Of course, Rob Schneider isn’t the offspring of a Kazon and Giorgio Tsoukalos as one of those is a fictional construct designed to be an antagonist on a fantasy television programme, while the other is an aggressive species from the Delta Quadrant.

Author: Mark

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3 Comments

  1. I thought the Stallone Dredd was from the 90s?

    I had to look twice though, I *actually* thought he was the crazy hair dude from Ancient Aliens for a moment!

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    • Well, shag me sideways! It was from the nineties! It kinda didn’t feel like that. Never mind. It was still fourteen flavours of awesome all packed up on an awesome cone of awesomesauce.

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