Paris Hilton’s range

By now there are four people in Peru who haven’t been able to see all the latest Paris Hilton photos so this article, like all my articles, is primarily aimed at them for when they’re released by the rebels seeking independence and a return of Paddington.

Paris "Goshdarnit, I’m In The News Again" Hilton has recently had her phone cracked and all the stored pictures, email addresses, and phone numbers were leaked to that bane in Ms Hilton’s life: the internet.

Do you know anyone with a phone camera? You do! Well, does that person have nothing but 98,000 photos of themself stored in their phone’s memory? They don’t! Guess you don’t know Paris Hilton then. Now, I’m not saying she’s narcissistic, but the only other explanation I can think of is that she thinks you have to look at the small round lens to take a picture.

Paris is certainly one for self-promotion and I wouldn’t put it past her to have had this leak arranged but regardless of the outcome of all this I did make a discovery during my perusal of her personal portfolio: she could always make it as a model.

Look at the range!

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Author: Mark

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18 Comments

  1. Okay.

    Now this will be a straight walk-off – old school rules – first model walks, second model duplicates, then elaborates.

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  2. You’re being unfair to the poor wee luv Mark.
    I’m sure I’ve seen some pictures of Miss Hilton modelling for The big fat pink cigar company where she was demonstrating a much extended range.

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  3. Ok, I know I’ve been "out o’ pocket" for a while but WHERE IS MARK AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM! Paris Hilton? Why damn you why!? First you give me misinformation on how to entertain the Brits, now this?

    Joke extrapolated from your advise on dealing with the British:
    Q: What do the Scotts, Welsh, and the Irish have in common?
    A: Nothing you Limey prick now go brush your f***ing teeth!

    I had to buy the guy 15.5 (.5 being a midget and who doesn’t love ’em) hookers to calm him down once he figured out just what I said to him.

    Sir you will be billed accordingly.

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  4. Yes Southern Bird, how can I help?

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  5. You know how I know these pictures are fake? Nobody uses the camera on their phone after having it for more than a week. This is scientifically proven, both by researchers at harvard university and my friend steve on 186 ave.

    And I’m suing Ms. Hilton because her "magnum" pose looks very much like my patented, "sooo, i’m not getting the job afterall?" pose and her "ferarri" gaze looks alot like my, "so what WOULD it take for me to get the job afterall?" stance, which is usually followed by my, "ok, don’t call security please…i’ll escort myself out" that’ i’ve been perfecting as of late.

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  6. Malice, Cheeba, good to see you’re both alive and only half of you are threatening me. Lt Doolittle … erm. I’ll let somebody else answer you.

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  7. Your "she could make it as a model" theory has one fatal flaw… she’s ugly! That nose! Those bulbous lips!

    Or am I missing something?

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  8. Models don’t have to be attractive; they just have to have the body of prepubescent boys. Prepubescent boys who’ve been starved for a while. And lobotomised.

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  9. Thats nasty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  10. Paris Hilton – Not attractive at all, give me Charlotte Casiraghi any day, now she’s beautiful! And her eyes are really true blue and she does not need to wear blue contacts like Ms. Ho-ton does to cover up the dark brown eyes she, Paris, was born with. And she does not have porno movies all over the place either, again like Ms. Hilton.

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  11. Hey Paris…if you could give me a call…(903)-565-0922 or (903)-570-5061

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  12. HEY EDWIN GARAY, HOW STUPID ARE YOU?! DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT UGLY DOG IS GOING TO CALL U? I DOUBT SHE EVEN KNOWS HOW TO WORK A COMPUTER…..BESIDES WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO READ ABOUT HOW LARGE AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE DO NOT FIND HER ATTRACTIVE. A LOT DONT. THAT NOSE-FORLACK OF A BETTER WORD- NEEDS TO BE SURGICALLY ALTERED SOMEHOW.

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  13. she is not pretty @ at……sorry jmo, looks like a lot of people opinions actually.

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  14. [colour=blue][/colour] Its almost like she wants people to say, "wow, what an f*d up nose job" by posing to the side all the time. lets all get plastic surgery. i know i love a lazy eye

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  15. Ricky I think the word you’re looking for is Rhinoplasty
    Edwin Garay that Phone No don’t work, coz I got my girlfriend to ring you from a callbox! You probabably ain’t using your real name either, as there’s no Garay in the phone book!

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  16. i actually think paris always looks good. even if she got a shitty nose job.

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  17. samme åssen dama ser ut da, hun er like vanlig som alle oss andre.
    Men hun har skikkelig god kles smak.
    Hilsen Norge :p

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