These are actual adverts from the Lonely Hearts section of my local, free newspaper.
Antonio is sick-to-death of fake females. Please! No more fake females. The Adam’s Apple? Dead giveaway.
You’re single? Oh you must meet my friend! What’s he like? Erm. Refreshingly unusual. Seriously, you won’t notice the third arm and constant snorting after a while.
Hi, nice to meet you. You were a secretary I hear. Me? Oh, I used to be horse glue.
People say my best features are my dark, long eyes. I can see very well at night but it takes me three seconds to blink so I can’t drive or operate heavy machinery.
Dude! That’s your mum! Gross!