Lonely Hearts

05 Apr 2008 09:40 by Mark

These are actual adverts from the Lonely Hearts section of my local, free newspaper.

Lonely Heart


Antonio is sick-to-death of fake females. Please! No more fake females. The Adam's Apple? Dead giveaway.

Lonely Heart


You're single? Oh you must meet my friend! What's he like? Erm. Refreshingly unusual. Seriously, you won't notice the third arm and constant snorting after a while.

Lonely Heart


Hi, nice to meet you. You were a secretary I hear. Me? Oh, I used to be horse glue.

Lonely Heart


People say my best features are my dark, long eyes. I can see very well at night but it takes me three seconds to blink so I can't drive or operate heavy machinery.

Lonely Heart


Dude! That's your mum! Gross!


SU Reddit


Bob O
Very funny! I especially liked your commentaries! Dropping in from Entrecard! See ya
05 Apr 2008 10:17
Grazor
I do feel some pity for these poor people, having their loneliness and poor English laughed at by the likes of you and me. Assuming you were in their position Mark (single, and sufficiently desperate to advertise the fact) what would your ad say?

In my area the local paper has a section called "Find a Friend", or as most people I know prefer to call it: "Find a Fiend" (having witnessed the quality of individual their postings belie).
05 Apr 2008 21:36
.45
I wonder if Bubbly Lady is also Neonny.
06 Apr 2008 05:32
Mark
Bob O: Thanks.

.45: If she is then that would also aid her night vision. However, she would attract moths. Not so good.

Grazor: What would my ad say?

N/S M, FTE, OHACAC, CA, WE, GSOH, DMS, BOAL, PTTOV, COM WLTM similar only not M although I'm fine with that only it's not for me


And yours?
06 Apr 2008 08:03
nhea
funny post...

By the way, dropped you an entrecard !!! Good day! : )
06 Apr 2008 09:06
Grazor
The local rag wouldn't print mine, something about being too explicit...
06 Apr 2008 16:30
Babs
Just...frightening.
06 Apr 2008 16:53
Qelqoth
Farmer's son seeks farmer's wife. Now that there is a quality personal ad. He's not the least bit ashamed of his potential incestuous liasons either. Top bloody stuff.
07 Apr 2008 03:41
Lisa
It's always the "refreshingly unusual" seeking the "gorgeous."
These were too funny, thanks for sharing. I'll have to see if my own local rag has these.
~Lisa
07 Apr 2008 18:12
Lord Likely
My ad would be very brief indeed: 'Lord. Rich. Big cock'.

Done and indeed done.

Excellent work, by the way.
07 Apr 2008 19:12
Math
'Man seeks woman for penetrative sex.'

There's just no honesty in ads these days.
07 Apr 2008 21:24
Grazor
Math - that's pretty much what I had to tone my advert down to before they would print it. I would therefore argue that honesty is not always the best policy.
08 Apr 2008 17:06
Add A Comment
Name
Website
Comment
PLEASE NOTE! New and infrequent commenters may be comment-moderated, depending on whether you attempt to post links or use a link URL that looks "unusual". Regular commenters (under 90 days counts as regular) whose browsers accept cookies will be auto-approved to comment instantly. That'll teach you not to visit. HTML is not permitted. BBCode is allowed. Please see the Help Page for valid BBCode.
 
Recent Comments
 
FRIENDS INFO »
Twitter
  • @giagia Looking for hate of you on my site? Pah! Good luck. You're lovely. Also: 5D Mk II: Bought one yesterday. It's physicist-approved!
TWITTER »
Twitter Friends
MORE TWITTER FRIENDS »
Recent Front Page Posts
 
Recent Other Posts