Ke$ha’s Haunted Vagina

Who is Ke$ha?

By Becky Sullivan

It’s a question I recently had to ask myself. I’d heard the name. I’d even been aware that there was a dollar sign in the name somehow. I suspected she might be a star of music since that’s an area I’ve stopped being interested in once I passed the threshold into grumpy middle-agedness. Wikipedia confirms that this is indeed the case. That she’s a music star. Not that I’ve passed the threshold into grumpy middle-agedness. I don’t need Wikipedia for that.

So, the reason I was wondering who she happened to be was because of some fleeting piece of news I overheard: Kesha thinks her vagina is haunted. At first I dismissed it as a joke, possibly originating from Frankie Boyle. However…

No, she really does think her vagina is haunted. Because her hypnotherapist told her so. And her ghost meter confirmed the statement by beeping in the vicinity of her nether regions.

Ghost meter?

Like this one?

ghostmeter

So does this really mean that Kesha (or Ke$ha) has a vagina haunted by a supernatural lover? I’ll be honest here: I’m a smidge sceptical.

The top-rated review of the ghost meter states:

ghost-meter-review-1

That’s “works perfect for locating electrical wiring in walls and high readings from outlets. a great tool to have. thank you”. And, of course, the ghost meter is actually marketed as the Ghost Meter EMF Sensor. Electromagnetic fields. The sort of things present everywhere on the planet. Unlike ghosts which, you know, don’t exist.

The manufacturer goes on to say:

The Ghost Meter has been calibrated to ignore the extremely subtle EMF emissions surrounding the human body, yet is still sensitive enough to detect the small, distinct, erratic EMF energy fluctuations frequently found at reputed haunted locations. The Ghost Meter provides three corroborating indicators of EMF emission strength.

So what does this really mean as far as the ghostly goings-on around Kesha’s vagina are concerned? Is it possible that she’s being haunted? Unlikely. More probable explanations include a faulty connection in the electrical outlet behind her clitoris or emanations from the vaginal probe inserted by the aliens running Area 51.

Sorry.

Some more bad news for Kesha, too:

Please note: this product is intended to measure electric fields, and does not detect nuclear radiation.

Looks like she’s going to want to spend some of those dollar symbols in her name on a Geiger counter too, just to be on the safe side. In case there’s a Godzilla about to emerge from between her legs. Or her pubes get super powers.

Author: Mark

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