Jobs Of The Post-Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse
Owner Drivers URGENTLY NEEDED

Reply to: sxzytsi34@eol.com
Date: 2043-09-03, 11:14PM BST

Tor Hangwald’s Roving Gang Of Terror are urgently seeking owner drivers in the Los Angeles area for immediate work. A flexible attitude to working hours, the company you keep, and attachment to limbs is necessary. In return we offer excellent rates of pay and free tattooing.

Duties to include: driving without purpose, laughing in a menacing way, harrassing people.

In addition to your own vehicle any chainsaws, metal bars, flaming brands, and eccentric hairstyles you can bring to the job will be to your advantage.

Previous applicants need not re-apply.

Location: Los Angeles, California.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948823481163

Get Rich Or Die Trying


Reply to: fiu4n292@eol.com
Date: 2043-09-02, 7:38AM BST

I am: a teenage girl caring for a younger brother on a quest to search for our missing father. He was seeking a way to bring back harmony to the planet when he disappeared while exploring in The Evil Zone.

You are: a rough, no-nonsense, attractive-yet-single, unscarred, honest, hardman who will insist on full pay for the bare minimum of assistance at first but who will eventually warm to us and aid us in our quest without accepting any recompense out of a growing sense of humanity you thought you’d lost for good. You will be an accomplished fighter, heroic but not stupid, and will sympathetically reject my sexual advances because of our age gap and my innocence and you will certainly not take advantage of these chaotic times and my naivety.

Location: The Evil Zone.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no mutants!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948793450067

Warehouse Franchise Opportunities


Reply to: luvrofwarehouses@eol.com
Date: 2043-09-01, 6:34PM BST

FASTEST GROWING PROPERTY BUSINESS

Everybody needs a warehouse. Sell in your own area in your own time.

Warehouses come with empty boxes and lots of pipes.

A one-off payment for all this: ladders, walkways, burning oil cans, pieces of brickwork. Franchisees get access to comprehensive graffiti-daubing training courses year-on-year to keep up with the latest trends.

Build a vast, disused building empire in no time.

Warehouses to suit every market. With or without pre-smashed windows!

Location: Anywhere.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948793399011

Senior Onlie in Kansas


Reply to: miri_tos0812@eol.com
Date: 2043-09-01, 4:09AM BST

Position now available for senior Onlie.

You will need to demonstrate your experience in organising foolies. No blah blah blahs. Plenty of bonk bonks.

Location: Kansas.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no grups.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948793392208

FOOD PREPARATION STAFF


Reply to: g238m325k259@eol.com
Date: 2043-09-01, 4:04AM BST

We are the Beantil Corporation and we’re looking for experienced, motivated staff who can keep a secret.

Due to expansion of our processing plants in New Jersey and the imminent release of our newest foodstuff – Beantil Emerald – we are seeking four or five men or women to work for us and keep their mouths closed.

Misanthropes who know how and when to look the other way especially welcome.

Beantil Emerald is not people.

Location: New Jersey.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please, no police investigators.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948793392113

Clint Howard?


Reply to: g3rr454fkf59@eol.com
Date: 2043-08-31, 5:24PM BST

Funny-looking? Small? Balding? Act a bit odd?

Our Clint Howard has died of natural causes and we are currently seeking a replacement. You will have rats as friends and can horde as many trinkets as your hands can hold.

Location: London, SE England.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no bears!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 33948791017176

Author: Mark

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2 Comments

  1. #2 is particularly great, but THIS:
    > Build a vast, disused building empire in no time.
    , made me laugh out loud. excellent!

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  2. Ah nice ST reference. I approve 🙂

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