This is a picture – and a story – of a man named Ray; that's him there in the centre of the shot. Ray is a helpful chap and quite bright (there's probably a pun that can be worked in there with his name but I'll skip over it). Ray's the kind of guy who stops for a strange woman when she asks if she can make use of his umbrella so that she can send a message to her friend without risk of electrocution in the rain. That strange woman is not quite as bright as Ray and doesn't realise that death is unlikely from water-soaked lithium ion phone batteries unless they happen to be in the process of falling from a block of flats towards an unprotected skull at the same time.

But Ray's bright. And Ray thinks to himself. I'm not wet, he thinks, because I'm sheltered by this umbrella. And this strange but dim woman isn't wet, he continues to ponder, because she's wearing a coat. But, he continues in his head, that phone in her hand – were it not for my helpful nature – would be wet in these conditions. That phone, he concludes, is better off being dry than wet.

And then it strikes him! No, not the lithium ion phone battery but, rather, an idea! Inspiration comes upon Ray as he stands there waiting for the strange woman to finish her electronic missive and he leans in towards her to share what he has just thought.

"Wait until it stops raining you moron!" shouts Ray.

Satisfied, Ray wanders off contemplating a new career as someone who uses his bright, helpful nature to aid people in making common sense decisions by yelling in their faces. In his wake a slightly dim woman stands with mouth agape looking shocked for several seconds until a rivulet of rainwater bridges the gap between the battery and circuit board inside the plastic casing of her phone and sends an arc of electricity into her arms killing her instantly.

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Author: Mark

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  1. The thing about disclosing the publishing date of my book is that I fear nobody would believe me.

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  2. The thing about disclosing the publishing date of my book is that I fear nobody would believe me.

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