In Conversation With Lord Likely

"Your Lordship! You startled me, sliding in silently like that!"

"A stealthy insertion was just one of the many skills I picked up on manoeuvres with the infantry in the Punjab."

Lord Likely"Indeed. Your ability to get behind your man and stick it to him is legendary and the stuff of many a gossiping fishwife in the market. Now, is there anything I can do for you?"

"I think I’d like to get hold of your column. No, by Wellington’s wang!, I know I’d like to get hold of your column!"

"His Lordship honours me! May I enquire as to the nature of your intentions with it?"

"Most certainly dear chap. How does splashing it across my front sound to you?"


"Splendid! I look forward to receiving it. Take your time with it and when you’re ready simply get in contact with my man-servant."

"I shall poke your man-servant most pointedly at the precise moment of my completion in order that you may receive my column in as timely a manner as possible."


"Good heavens sir! What in the name of Victoria’s secret garden are you pulling out from there!"

"This is where I keep my most beloved tool, your Lordship! See!"

"What a beast! So long and smooth! You must show it off to everyone you meet, I’ll wager."

"I do indeed. Sometimes I will promenade with it in hand in order that as many people as possible may feast their eyes on its glory. I will often be approached by young ladies and gentlemen, perhaps with their children in tow, who will then ask to touch it. I always oblige, of course."

"Naturally. It would almost be a crime to keep such a wonder hidden. And what, pray tell, are you doing with it right now?"

"Stand back your Lordship. I’m giving it a shake to make sure no fluid leaks or splats when I start to wield it."

"You are most diligent and a fine fellow to deal with. Ah, I see what you’re doing with it! It’s all quite obvious when you think about it."

"Yes. Lord Likely … Post. Right, duly noted. I’ll put the pen away now and you can expect my column inches in due course."

"Wonderful! Do you fancy a celebratory man-shag?"

"Oh, go on then."


The guest article I wrote that Lord Likely and I were discussing can be read here:

The Cockney Slapper.

Author: Mark

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  1. I’ve only been reading for a short time now, but you never cease to crack me up!

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  2. Wow your team winning the FA cup has certainly tickled your fancy 🙂

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  3. Such a wonderful addition to the Cockney Slapper. Oh wait I see his Lorship was just stopping by. For a shag?

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  4. People in the Sun said …
    I’m also very attached to my pen. I mean, penis.

    One would certainly hope so. A detachable penis is not just a terribly overrated song by King Missile, but also a nightmare waiting to happen during the act of sexual shenanigans, especially when engaging in the Spinning Top position.

    paper warrior: thankyou.

    Claire: my fancy’s always tickled; you know that.

    ettarose: Indeed he was. A more wanton member of the aristocracy you’ll never meet.

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  5. Sir, it has been an absolute joy to play host to you for these past few days.

    Not only did you succeed in tickling my funny-bone, but you also proved rather adept at tickling my ball-bag and stroking my thighs.

    I hope you shall stop by again in due course.

    Yours sincerely aroused,

    Lord Likely.

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