I Loves Me Thems Egg Timers

Relive the days of yesteryear and experience the grand thrill of genuine, old-fashioned egg timing just like your grandparents may have with this new weekly publication from neOnbubble Media And Neurotoxins Division GmbH

Egg timerI Loves Me Thems Egg Timers

Week-by-week learn the history of eggs and the turning points in history that led to the invention of the first egg timer. Learn why some egg timers are larger than others and read true stories of eggs improperly timed.

This enjoyable magazine will answer all your egg timing questions and builds to a comprehensive and stunning collectors piece that you’ll want to pass onto your grandchildren.

Build Your Own Egg Timer

Each of the 50000 issues comes with a new component fashioned from high quality materials and easy-to-follow instructions that will enable you to build your own egg timer.

All components are durable and authentic and have been sourced from the finest egg timing capitals of the world!

Issue 1 is just 1.99 in the shops now (normal price 4.99) and includes your first grain of whatever the hell that stuff is they put in egg timers. Is it sand or something else? I don’t know! Find out in the magazine!

I Loves Me Thems Egg Timers

Don’t delay! You’ve only got three minutes! Start collecting today!

Author: Mark

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4 Comments

  1. I’m sending you my subscription right now, but pay heed to this warning Mark:

    If (like so many other publications of this sort) your magazine goes out of print 49999 issues in, and I don’t get that last grain of sand to complete the collectors piece Egg-Timer, I’m going to hunt you down force feed you as many pickled eggs as I can in three minutes.

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  2. Grazor – you are an evil man for just mentioning pickled eggs.

    If they made the ‘grains’ of the egg-timer out of pickled eggs, how big would the egg-timer have to be?

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  3. Grazor: there is only a 25 in 26 chance of neOnbubble Media And Neurotoxins Division GmbH going under before the magazine run completes so don’t worry about that. In any case, should you wish to purchase outright all the egg timer parts in advance simply send through a cheque for £249,497 (49999 * 4.99 plus 1.99) and remove any concerns.

    Math: The answer to your particular question is in Issue 3891 (to be published in 2082) so I can’t spoil it for subscribers like Grazor by telling you here.

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  4. Well thank GOD. I’ve been counting Mississippis to cook my eggs all this time!!

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