Hunting The Japanese

Sustainable Hunting

There are over 128 million people in Japan making them a very abundant species. Any hunting of the Japanese must be performed with the idea of sustainability firmly in mind. Although population growth is declining the number of new births per year is currently around 1 million. A suggested figure of 365,000 legal kills per year is well within the margin for maintaining the Japanese. Plus that makes it 1000 per day which is easy to remember.

Identifying A Japanese

The balance of nature’s humans may be disrupted by aggressive hunting that results in the accidental trophies of non-Japanese. Be certain that you are pursuing and catching only Japanese. Identification of the Japanese comes with practice.

Japanese Identification

A. Not a Japanese.
B. Not a Japanese.
C. A Japanese.
D. Not a Japanese.

Non-Japanese people and things can sometimes appear to be Japanese at first glance. Careless hunting can antagonise our international allies and make it difficult to retain support for hunting of the Japanese for scientific or commercial reasons.

Japanese Identification

A. Not a Japanese.
B. Not a Japanese.
C. Not a Japanese.
D. A Japanese.

The Japanese commonly move around in family pods (or Nissans) and generally live in peace with their neighbours. Now. They often cross great distances to photograph them and it is possible to find a Japanese almost anywhere. How many Japanese can you spot in the picture below?

Japanese People Hunt

Answer: 25.

There is one Japanese in B3, one Japanese in B4, and twenty three Japanese in A2. The person in B1 with the camera is not a Japanese. How did you do?

Hunting Techniques

The harpoon is still used to some extent but other techniques have been developed during the latter half of the twentieth century.

  • Camera Trap · The latest Nikon Digital SLRs dotted around spiked pits will lure in most Japanese. Sharpened bamboo is ideal for the spikes and will help your Japanese prey battle with irony – a distractive activity against pain – as it bleeds out.
  • Godzilla · Radioactively mutated monsters can be used to herd Japanese into underground protective bunkers previously prepared for their incarceration. This is the most humane method of capture and is therefore not used very often.

Hunting Questions Answered

Is it cruel?
Cruelty is defined by society and in my society we say ‘No’.

Yes, but is it?
Yes.

What uses are there for Japanese after the hunt?
The epicanthic folds over the eyes are used to decorate cakes.

Is it okay to hunt the Icelandic and Norwegians too?
Yes, but they contain lots of gristle and do not make good soup.

Author: Mark

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7 Comments

  1. How can you tell the cat isn’t Japanese?

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  2. It hasn’t done the kimono up correctly. Rookie mistake.

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  3. I got a hearty laugh out of this one. The illustrations were the best. I’m leaving some extra punctuation marks, in case of emergencies involving the need to immediately end a thought.

    . ! , ? ;

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  4. If I performed seppu ku, would I THEN be considered an honorary japanese? And if so, would my then eviscerated corpse be hunted in an honorary fashion?

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  5. cheeba said …
    If I performed seppu ku, would I THEN be considered an honorary japanese? And if so, would my then eviscerated corpse be hunted in an honorary fashion?

    Since it’s you … yes.

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  6. I have just seen an oregami (that’s the collective noun) of 11 Japanese being slaughtered by a samba of cruel Brazilians in small green fields in Germany, watched by millions of people around the globe. Isn’t this taking the hunting and slaughtering of such wondeful creatures too far?

    (PS – Apparently Norwegians and Icelanders (?) were not fit for consumption in Germany.)

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  7. Haha, love it! Especially the "Identifying a Japanese" section! I came up with 24 for the third one; I’ll have to go back and recount.

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