Horror Movie Madman Warehouse

We’re terrified! Terrified! TERRIFIED!

Terrified that you might just miss out on one of these HORRIFYING deals on Movie Madmen!

Are you making a low-budget horror movie but you haven’t decided who or what will be the MALEVOLENT FORCE that kills and terrifies the teenage twits?

Do you wonder just where the producers of movies such as A Nightmare On Elm Street, Saw, Halloween, and Steel Magnolias get their DISTINCTIVE EVIL baddie?

Dare you enter the HORROR MOVIE MADMAN WAREHOUSE?

We’ve got nasties coming out of our earholes and that means BARGAIN PRICES for you! Look at our exclusive online deals now! Before that THING behind your back KILLS YOU!

Blood BinThe Blood Bin

Be careful what you try to recycle … it might just be you that ends up as compost!

Don’t worry about saving the planet when it’s you that’s in danger! Of death!

It’s your everyday, green wheelie-bin. They’re everywhere. But this one harbours the deranged soul of a former refuse collector who was pushed into the crushing mechanism of a rubbish truck by his colleagues high on hippy juice. His blood – his very essence – seeped into discarded plastic bottles that were then used in the process of manufacturing this bin of torment and it became a living, breathing, killing, recycling machine.

Can you ever kill The Blood Bin? Or is it merely recyclable into horror sequels?

Perfect for movies with green or anti-green messages to convey and a snip at just $999.

Bath TowelHubert Bathtowel

Following on in the fine traditions of horror movie villains with non-horrific names such as Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and George Bailey is the initially heart-warming but ultimately heart-stopping Hubert Bathtowel.

Hubert sucks! That’s right; every last drop of moisture pulled from your body. Devastatingly dessicating!

Teased at an early age because of his ridiculous surname, Hubert drowned himself in the school pond and ended up going face-to-face with God who punished him for sinning by returning him to Earth in the form of his family monicker which is, admittedly, a bit Buddhist rather than Christian but at these knockdown prices who’s going to quibble?

Hubert wants revenge on God and revenge on the kids who taunted him and if he gets rubbed between your legs after a shower then he’s okay with that too. Only $749.99 with a matching Handcloth From Hell.

BalloonThe Hot Air Balloonatic

There’s terror in the skies and for once it’s not John Travolta.

Look up and pray you don’t feel the hot air on your cheeks that signals the arrival of The Hot Air Balloonatic!

What is the background of the bloodthirsty balloon that descends from the heavens and bounces its basket on its victims until they’re mulch? Nobody knows!

Feel the fear when there’s nowhere to run unless you’re indoors or underground or in a vehicle or underwater or in space. The eerie silence of a balloon floating will be the last sound you don’t hear when the Hot Air Balloonatic is after you.

And all for just $248.46!

There’s plenty more where that spine-tingling lot came from in the HORROR MOVIE MADMAN WAREHOUSE. Grab a terrifying bargain today before the terrifying bargain GRABS YOU!

Author: Mark

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7 Comments

  1. I just googled "HORROR MOVIE MADMAN WAREHOUSE" thinking that it was some UK-centric institution that I was unaware of but, no, it’s not. Therefore, I say: WTF?

    ADG

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  2. Whoa, I am sorry but I have to laugh at Lord Andrew. You got him. I can take anything but Hubert. Those eyes freak me the hell out!

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  3. My friend slipped while putting some glass bottles in a recycling bin once, broke a couple ribs on the entry edge. Evil, I tell you, from the lid to the wheels.

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  4. That’s actually how my uncle died. All they found was a towel.

    But when they looked the other way, the towel disappeared.

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  5. This towel wouldn’t cause you to bleed from the ass after a shower, would it? If not, then forget I just asked that.

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