Failed Invention #662

In our ongoing series of inventions that have failed to make me a millionaire and in many cases have left me with out-of-court settlements running into the hundreds of thousands of pounds we reach number 662, the Heated Steering Wheel Gloves.

Overview
If you’re anything like me then you don’t always carry a pair of gloves on you. This is because if you’re anything like me then you’re not an obsessive loony. However, when the temperature drops and you get in your car first thing in the morning then you may just wish you’d brought your gloves along when you touch the steering wheel and realise its surface has somehow managed to plummet six or seven degrees below whatever it feels like outside. The driving experience then resembles that of a lizard always trying to keep only two feet on the hot sand as you dangerously breathe on your fingers alternately while trying to steer straight.

Some people have heated steering wheels. That’s admirable but an awful waste of energy heating parts of the wheel you may never touch. Wouldn’t it be better if you could simply heat a smaller area; the parts you’re guaranteed to touch and nowhere else? Cheaper, faster, better for the environment! Heated Steering Wheel Gloves!

Wheel Gloves

The gloves are attached to the steering wheel in the officially-recognised, optimum ten-to-two position and the heating process can be started from your remote control as you approach the vehicle. No more forgetting your gloves, no more cold hands and dangerous driving!

Why It Failed

  • Putting the first glove on; no problem. Putting the second glove on while the first was locked in place proved to be troublesome and resulted in overuse of the head, knee, and mouth.
  • The car could not be changed out of first gear without the assistance of a passenger.
  • Turning sharp corners led to higher-than-acceptable rates of dislocated shoulders and pedestrian carnage.

Author: Mark

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7 Comments

  1. and don’t forget that oj simpson would never be able to get his hands in them. that’s a big sale gone right there.

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  2. Forgive me Mark, but as I was laughing at your naivete I was also calling you a dumbass. You are so funny.

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  3. Are we honestly pretending this is a real product?

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  4. There could be other, overlooked applications for this invention, sir.

    Why, they’d be marvellous for warming one’s genitals up after spending an afternoon standing naked in a field on a cold, winter’s day, for example.

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  5. oh i could SO use these

    at present, i have an indicating glove. right-hand only. ‘cos hand signals below zero (temp not speed, tho in my 51yo car it’s a near-run thing) kill yer hand.

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