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Entrecard Advert Design
I’ve been a member of Entrecard for some time; it’s a fairly decent way (if you have the time) to find interesting sites more-or-less at random and at the same time drive a little traffic your way in the hope that you’ll interest other, new visitors in return. So long as you keep your content short and aimed at the lowest common denominator, that is. Oh, those rapid-fire Entrecard droppers don’t like your long posts, no sirree.
Part of the "joy" (and by "joy" I mean "occasionally butt-clenching, stomach-churning, jaw-locking, eye-popping momentary flash of terror") of Entrecard is the variety of user-created adverts for their own websites. Some of them are very bad indeed. And most of the rest are worse than that.
With my personal opinion of kids in general I’m not entirely certain that this really is a bad card design. The site and caption are Parental Instincts and, if I’m seeing the selected picture correctly, the apparent instinct being demonstrated and promoted on this site is "to punch your child in the face until it loses most of the skin around the mouth." I’m not a parent but I do know the sentiment.
My Beautiful Creations
Every parent thinks their ugly, noisy, stinking creation is the most beautiful and precious thing in the world despite all evidence to the contrary and something similar apparently applies to the piece of art and craftwork chosen to advertise this particular site. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but a two-headed, anaemic monstrosity with a superfluous third arm would surely have even the most beauty-appreciating beholder crossing his or her fingers even as he or she purported to find it positively lovely.
Are You Hungry?
Not after seeing that picture, no. I don’t know much about food and drink but I’ll tell you what doesn’t get my tastebuds tingling and my stomach growling with gastronomic anticipation: black coffee and a handful of tomatoes.
Welcome To My …
An advert should reflect something about the site; it might reference the site’s name; it might illuminate some aspect of the site’s content; a person should look at an advert and have some clue as to what to expect should clicking occur in the near future. Maybe it’s just me though, but I don’t like looking at an advert and thinking: "What in the name of all that’s holy does that say?" Welcome to my … Gatres? That’s not a word. Custard? Not enough letters. Ooh! Garter! No, no that’s not it. Galnet? A net for gals! I bloody hope so … oh … nope.
Computer Aid
If I was looking for aid with my computer then an advert claiming to offer computer aid would be just what I was looking for. Especially if the aid I was looking for was in the general area of help with my kicking rad design for a Netscape Navigator and Unicorns web page from 1997. I’ve got a bevelled elliptical button problem and I need help stat! That sort of help. Yes, if I needed that sort of aid then an advert from about the era in question would be just about perfect.
Online Social Networking
What would possess anyone to promote an online social networking site with a badly upscaled picture of a quite possibly rabid Gerry Adams with a skullcap?
Eddie’s Blogs
Entrecard is broken down into categories. My site, for instance, is in the Humor section with the big joke being that it’s not terribly funny and the sadder truth being that I’m not apparently the only person to think to do this. Well, if you’re looking for a good design for an Entrecard card then you’ve got to think that people allegedly experts in Marketing might know a thing or two, right? Sadly, not quite so right, as demonstrated by this ad. Unless you too believe that marketing has nothing to do with how you appear to other people. Perhaps that’s what all those funny letters mean.
Seeking His Face
"Seeking His Face In Everything" is the sort of phrase that instantly screams out "Imaginary Friend Alert!" and this site won’t disappoint with its abundance of religious quotations unless religious quotations disappoint you as, indeed, they should. What’s slightly more surprising is the author’s apparent vision of God as a rather horse-faced deity. I thought everybody knew God was an invisible, caucasian gentleman with a large white beard and a penchant for togas and harp music. A horse! That’s crazy talk!
Celebrity Cruise Line Reviews
Now, we all know that I’ve been bitten by the cruise bug – not literally, although some passengers were confined to their state rooms for a few days with stomach upsets – so a website about cruises and cruising and ships and associated whatnots is right up my alley. Ads that split the domain name in the wrong place, however, get right up my nose. Celebrity cruisel? What the hell is a cruisel?
Diet Pulpit
We all know that the first rule of Fight Club is not to get blood on the walls; they’ve just been given a new coat of magnolia. In a similar vein, the first rule of offering free 125×125 card designs is to not have your own design of 125×125 card not entirely fitting within its own boundaries, thereby cutting off the sides of the text promoting your free design service.
Rich’s Blog
Because nothing says "Real Estate" quite like a blood-sucking, disease-carrying insect.
Oh, that’s actually pretty good now I think about it.
There are others; many others. If I’ve failed to pick out your particular horror in the name of promotion and mock you for its existence then I humbly apologise and can only ask that you inform me so that I’ll know for next time.
Mark, you hit this one out of the park! You could have shown many more than this and I will bet you have pissed off a few. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
I would rather meet a rabid Gerry Adams with a skullcap online than in person. As such, perhaps this is an apt Entrecard?
@ettarose: It was certainly not my intention to piss anyone off; not entirely anyway. Besides, everyone chosen for their crimes against decency gets a free (worth nothing) link from this extremely prestigious (in my mind) website.
@Math: Oh, Gerry’s a sweetie in real life really. Tickle him under the chin and he purrs like a kitten. Scratch behind his ears and he stretches like a kitten. Stretching. Refuse to give into his demands for a unified Ireland and he kneecaps you. Like a kitten.
haha, that was great. I always wondered where these folks get their cards from.
Phew. Thank God I didn’t make your list.
really good post! I actually laughed out loud!
Good job…. LOL…. actually laughed out loud on a few of these.
Tremendous! You could have written about fifty more and I would have sat here and read them all.
More! More! This was real fun.
I’m so glad I didn’t make the cut but maybe next time. I have some shitty ones but well I have no excuse except I am lazy and lack creativity. This was too funny and you must continue even if you do include mine.
I DO read your posts (even long ones!), and I enjoy them. This one made me feel grateful and laugh and cringe all at the same time.
I was grateful I wasn’t made an example of. Phew, dodged a bullet this time! I laughed because you really are witty. But I cringed because even if some blogs aren’t…um…the best, maybe it’s the best that person can manage. And I feel like I want to give them credit for just trying.
At any rate, I really took your point that the advert should tell at least something about the blog. I am guilty of having one of those mystifying ones. It is a picture of books. I love books, but that is not what my blog is about. The problem is I have no idea how to design something else. But you have inspired me! Mostly with fear, but I am inspired none the less.
So I will spend this weekend trying to figure out how to replace my beautiful books with something that actually makes sense. Thanks!!
Jesus fucking Christ, that Parental Instincts image is awful.
Ah once again you’ve left me cryin!
… This one is going in "Fits of Jealousy" too …
Oh SNAP! That’s freaking genius. I would love to see more of this. There’s certainly no shortage of victims. You sir are one hilarious gentleman.
I have seen this god awful bubble one, you should annihilate that one next.
The world ‘Bubbly’ reminds of that new hit tune, which I am sure you must love:
The dreadful Bubbly one you refer to is, I believe, for a site that solely promotes this particular video making it too appropriate to mock.
You did the dance, didn’t you?
I used to watch Playaway and the spirit of Derek Griffiths, Brian Cant, and Floella Benjamin compelled me to do so.
ed, shoulders, nees and toez.
Maybe the horse/God ad is a metaphor, wherein God is the horse and we are the riders, letting Him carry us upon His back through this world.
But sometimes – oh, sometimes, we ride Him to hard, and we do not stop riding Him and then –
I think I should stop with the horse/God analogy right there.
I’m not promoting social networking sites. I’m promoting me. However, if putting up with your insult earns me a link back to my blog, then why should I complain?
By the way, many of my articles have been accessed thousands of times each, and I get calls or e-mails every week from journalists or prospective clients, so I don’t know if I’m ready to risk changing my approach… but thanks any way for the feedback.
Sorry you don’t like black coffee or tomatoes. I happen to love both. These are the two constants found in my Mom’s kitchen, bless her soul. Anyway, thanks for the link.