The Catholic Church in the United Kingdom are on a bit of a recruitment drive to increase the number of priests.
People in Western society these days – by and large – are educated to a higher standard, their lives are easier and less doom-laden with threats of war, disease, and aristocratic purging whims, and religion is less the central point of their lives. For the great majority – over ninety-nine hundredths – of those who still proclaim to be religious, the proclamation itself is nothing more than a ritual (this vague statistic is supplied courtesy of My Head). Sure, some of those religious people may go to church every week but how many spend the entire time thinking "God’s watching me! God’s watching me! The urge to pick my nose is a test!" or even listen to any of the sermons they’ve all heard a thousand times before instead of merely letting the words wash over them and repeat back the responses automatically? It’s a trick question, of course: thinking doesn’t enter into religious practice. If it did, religion would never have gotten off the drawing board.
Subsequently, while those who say they are religious and believe in God may be about as depressingly high as it seems to always have been, the subset who are prepared to devote time to their religion, to answer some hallucinatory call to serve, and to give up any part of their comfortable lives in favour of one of deserved, intellectual ridicule is tellingly and reassuringly dwindling. The common sense genetic trait is winning the evolutionary battle over the moron mutation.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help the church. I was raised Roman Catholic and educated privately in a Catholic school by an order of monks, and they did so in such an admirable way that I was able to reject the whole notion of religion as infantile twaddle; a relic of a less developed mind and some perverse necessity to control. Additionally, there are still plenty of people who are susceptible to the religious grasp that aims to answer all your questions by not answering them in the slightest, waggling the fingers, making ooh noises, and mixing the words "faith", "God", "mysteries", and "tax-exempt" into new and exciting sentences. For those people and to thank Roman Catholicism for the great job it did with me:
Become A Catholic Priest
Looking for a new career with global leadership opportunities? Are you ready to make the ultimate commitment? Or do people often remark that you should be committed? Can you keep secrets? Are you predisposed BECOME A PRIEST to subliminal BECOME A PRIEST messaging? Most importantly: are you a man? Then may I recommend the Catholic Church Priesthood?
Black looks great on everyone and everyone looks great in black so you’ll be as pleased as Lazarus right before Pilate instigated his concentration camp for zombies policy when you step into your priestly outfit. Black shoes, black trousers, and black shirt, accented with a flattering white dog collar that not only visibly slims even the most portly of priests, but also gets you premium seating on buses and trains. Black cassocks are optional but oh-so-comfy. On church days it’s on with the official vestments. Okay, they’re not black, but they’ve been designed with comfort in mind and the free-flowing form hides a multitude of sins. Not from God, though.
If you like your wine red-coloured and watery then you’re in luck because all the red-coloured, watery wine you can drink is yours for free! Remember: until you transmutate the wine into the Blood of Christ using the Secret Special Prayer you’ll learn on the amazing Catholic Church Priesthood course, it’s just normal wine! That’s right! You can use it at parties, add it to casseroles, or just enjoy it with your feet up in front of the TV. Never pay for alcohol again!
The global credit crunch hasn’t just hurt the poor banks and financial institutions; regular people, too, have suddenly found they actually need money to buy things like new cars, expensive holidays, and flashy jewellery. Moving out of the parents’ house has become almost impossible for first-time buyers who aren’t also experts at bank heists. You could wait for more houses to be built by the next influx of immigrants or you could give up eating and save your wages for nine years to build up a large enough deposit for your dream hovel. Or … you could become a Catholic priest! Every priest gets his own church. Fashionable stained-glass windows, real wood and stonework throughout, plenty of space, and built-in entertainment centre comes as standard. Assuming you find organs entertaining.
No More Moths!
Finally, if you’re one of those people bothered by moths on a regular basis then what do you think is the one profession that guarantees fewer moth-related incidents than any other? It’s not nuclear technician: those moths kill! It’s not dental hygienist either: you’d be surprised where moth larvae hide. The answer is the priesthood, Catholic-style. Moths are drawn to flames and old ladies and as a Catholic priest you’ll find yourself surrounded by both lepidopteran-attractants on a daily basis. Be the calm eye of the moth hurricane when you say mass as a Catholic priest.