David Cameron, Children, and Porn

According to the Telegraph David Cameron and his Conservative party – the party that wants less regulation, less red tape, less pointless wastes of public money etc. – are planning to implement a means by which they can keep children away from porn sites.

david-cameron-pedoOr, to put it another way, the Conservatives want to censor the internet. Internet censorship. That’s the sort of thing they do in Iran and Syria and China and never, ever, ever here in our wonderful, democratic, enlightened society. And it’s not censorship if it’s called filtering. Always remember that. The bad guys censor; the good guys filter. Whether you want it or not.

And cens… filtering works, people! It doesn’t block things it shouldn’t. This website, for instance, definitely isn’t blocked for being a porn site on some networks. I am, of course, lying. Despite not being a porn site this site is actually categorised as one by some web censoring software. Filtering software. Luckily, it’s a simple process to appeal being blocked incorrectly and it’s a simple matter to determine if you’re on the censorship list.

I am, of course, lying again. Internet cens… filtering will be a totalitarian, opaque means of restricting access to anything that those in charge deem is unsuitable. That’s not paranoia; that’s an inevitability that comes from allowing those with a little control to get a little bit more. And then maybe a little bit more. And some more for your safety. And won’t someone think of the children?

So, yes, the political party that doesn’t want to interfere needlessly wants to interfere needlessly and the only real reason seems to be to slip censorship into accepted usage because censorship equals power and politicians are nasty, power-hungry bastards at the best of times. Lucky for them then that the interfering, know-nothing busybodies of the NSPCC and similar “concerned” groups who think their opinions outweigh that of everyone else have come along to offer David Cameron and his cadre a way in.

Let’s examine how this plan concocted by people who have no clue how the internet works will work. Ah, software we can all trust on every computer in the country! Nothing to worry about at all. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Under the plans, anyone turning on a new computer for the first time will be asked whether there are children in the house. […] Filters against pornography and self-harm sites will automatically be left on if parents just click through the options quickly and select ok to every question.

As we’ve already seen, cens… filters can’t be trusted to do their jobs. A filter that knows the difference between porn and not-porn? Google can’t get that right all the time and it’s arguably got to be far better than any piece of bloated, late-delivered, overpriced software solution the government will favour (kickbacks baby!) And self-harm sites? Great news for the depressed teenager seeking help! Your attempt to access this information has been blocked by your concerned government! And probably registered somewhere. Have no doubt about that.

The Department for Education said “expert advice” was not in favour of an automatic block

But governments have never listened to expert advice that goes against what they were planning to do anyway and they’ll be damned if they’re going to start now.

Conservative MP Claire Perry, who has campaigned for a broader, automatic block on adult content for all internet users, will be appointed as Mr Cameron’s adviser on tackling the sexualisation and commercialisation of childhood.

Someone independent and unbiased then? That’s good to hear.

Mrs Perry, MP for Devizes and a Parliamentary aide at the Ministry of Defence, said: “It is clear people think that more needs to be done, but there isn’t a majority in favour of an automatic block.”

So… some people want something done but most people don’t… and this is a democracy… therefore… block it is!

Jon Brown of the NSPCC said the charity believed an “opt in” system was the best way to protect children but hailed Mr Cameron’s plans as “a big step in the right direction”.

Not a good solution but a big step in the right direction. A big step that will lead to other big steps once people have got used to the new order.

If there is any light at the end of the tunnel on this then it is that government plans rarely go well and when it comes to expensive ones using new technology we’re probably all going to be long dead before they get it right. Lucky for us that we live in a country with a political system so utterly useless at running things actually for the benefit of people that it may actually protect the people from its utter uselessness at running things actually for the benefit of people.

So, do I have a solution to the “problem” of children seeing porn? That question comes from a David Cameron in London, England. A solution that doesn’t rely on parents doing their fucking job, you mean? Why yes, I do! It’s this:

Do nothing.

Innovative, huh? You see, I saw pictures of people having sex when I was a child. I turned out okay. In fact, everyone I know saw images of people having sex when they were young: pornographic magazines, video tapes, playing cards; these were all quite easy to get hold of, passed around, and I don’t know anybody who ended up as a rapist, deviant, imprisoned, etc. If images of things that some people don’t like really affected people one hundredth as much as those who voice their minority opinions claim so loudly then every person who served on the British Board of Film Classification would be a gibbering wreck, locked up in a padded cell for their own safety and Mary Whitehouse would have died in a hail of bullets after the lust for a sex-crazed gun spree finally took hold of her pathetic little mind.

Censorship is bad; it never helps the people it purports to help, it only ever serves the people who want to cling to power. You want to help children? Stop them living in poverty; stop them living with abusive, uncaring parents; educate them. These are things that should be being done already, of course.

Ah, a bit of a rant about children, pornography, and David Cameron. Chances of this site ever being removed from the porn cens… filters out there? Pretty much zero.

Author: Mark

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