The world is full of danger and dangerous things abound. Sometimes the dangerous things abound and then slither about a bit. You think they’re not dangerous but bam! Yep, you’ve just been endangered alright. Dangerous man. Luckily the world is also full of doctors with nothing better to do than warn us of the dangers of dangerous things. Hoorah for the danger doctors!
"Doctors in Vancouver, Canada, have warned that people who wear portable media players during a storm could be putting themselves at risk … [some twat] who was jogging in a storm, suffered burns to his chest and on his leg where he was wearing the player. Doctors say the man’s sweat and metal earphones helped channel the current. Medical experts say electronic devices, such as music players or mobile phones, on their own do not attract lightning."
During a lull in discovering the cure for AIDS, you’ll be pleased to know that doctors have also discovered that:
- wearing jewellery, counting coins, fiddling with keys in your pocket, being crowned Miss World, flying a kite with a copper wire, and becoming entangled in a Slinky while jogging in a storm are also risky,
- poking sharks in the eyes and severing your wrist while in the ocean should be avoided,
- it is dangerous to warm your bath water with the toaster,
- that label that says "Aim away from face" on nail guns is there for a reason,
- ripping open your shirt to reveal sausages painted red and strapped to your chest whilst shouting "Allahu akhbar!" on internal flights in the United States is generally considered to carry a heightened risk of death,
- the old pop-an-eye-out-with-a-spoon trick should be left to the medical profession and torturers only to prevent long-term damage,
- windows in movies are made from sugar glass and break easily. Your window is more often made from real glass and it’s you who breaks easily,
- it is foolhardy to test any hypothesis concerning your arm and a woodchipper machine,
- there is significant peril attached to wearing a blindfold to surprise yourself when driving,
- dressing up as a dog and running at a pride of lions barking while on safari can be hazardous to your health,
- eating things from the fridge that have recently developed the ability to move is unwise,
- vowing to be the best ever Human Torch at this year’s Halloween carries considerable risk of harm,
- attempting to halt an oncoming train with the power of your mind may put your life in jeopardy,
- Courtney Love is still at large.