Far East Honeymoon Videos
Aug16

Far East Honeymoon Videos

Let’s get this straight right now: these aren’t those sorts of honeymoon videos. If you’re here for those sorts of honeymoon videos you’re going to be disappointed. If you’re not here for those sorts of honeymoon videos then you’ll probably still be disappointed but for completely different reasons. Way, way back in 2008 I got married and went on a trip to the Far East with my wife, cruising around the South China seas on the Diamond Princess and taking in a number of stops too: China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Singapore, and Thailand. Not long after that I wrote about our general experience of cruising, specifically as it applied to Princess Cruises in this article: Your First Princess Cruise. But what I didn’t do on this website was go into the details of the trip, share pictures, or upload video. In the lattermost case the reason for that was quite simple; I neglected to upload any videos until very, very recently. I figure seven years is a reasonable time to wait for these things. By way of getting back into the habit of occasionally updating this site and justifying its hosting costs I thought I’d take advantage of the recent video uploading spree on YouTube and share some of the filmed experiences of my honeymoon. The entire set of videos can be found in this playlist – Honeymoon, November 2008 – and it’s mostly in the right sequence except for a few at the end which had stupid dates on the files and YouTube doesn’t really make it easy to rearrange the playlist order. Some “highlights”: Short pan from on the Great Wall of China showing some of the surrounding hills and large number of tourists, mostly from China, making some form of ascent. This was part of a trip lasting just a few hours and we only had a short time on the wall itself. Bizarrely, some people who came long with us seemed more content to do some shopping at the gift shop near the base rather than engage in any climbing. Not us, though. We made the most of our time by hiking up as much as we could before needing to turn around and return to the coach. We stopped often as we ascended. It was very steep in parts. And we were very unfit. We’re still very unfit. Tiananmen Square. Very large and while we were there it filled up quite quickly with tourists, again mostly from China. Now, you would think that tourists going to Tiananmen Square might want to queue up at the mausoleum or take in the sights and, generally,...

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Ode To Hubble Space Telescope
Mar14

Ode To Hubble Space Telescope

The European Space Agency are currently running a competition to celebrate 25 years of astronomical photography from the Hubble Space Telescope. The Ode to Hubble competition is for those creative people who want to produce a video in honour of the orbiting scientific marvel and it just so happens that a friend of mine has submitted an entry. Shown below, it’s a short animation complete with original music and I’ve made sure to vote for it on the appropriate voting page...

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Desnuda En La Arena
Feb13

Desnuda En La Arena

Hey, do you remember back in the depths of summer of last year – July, to be precise – when I wrote about the 1970s Euro Porn stylings present in the German movie Lehrm√§dchen-Report? And do you remember what I said back then? This is potentially the first of a series of style showcases and mini reviews of 1970s European soft porn movies. Well, brace yourself for a review of another movie only this time it’s not really softcore porn, it’s from the sixties, it’s not European, and I’m not concentrating on the style! I know! Never let it be said I don’t know how to disappoint people in a myriad of ways! Desnuda en la Arena YouTube in its infinite wisdom (or finite algorithmic calculations) recommended a user’s channel to me based on my predilection for watching Cheesy Crud From Yesteryear (not an actual genre on YouTube but by gum it should be!) That led me to somewhere which led me to somewhere else which led me to spotting this particular movie listed down the right side of the screen: Desnuda En La Arena 1969 – Isabel Sarli. I didn’t know any Italian but I thought I could work out what this said: Des, nude in the arena. It turned out that the words were Spanish and not Italian though but as luck would have it I didn’t know any Spanish either yet still thought I could work out what this said: Des, nude in the arena. The question was: which Des? Lynam or O’Connor? You’ll be pleased to know the answer was neither and that this particular post isn’t going to get super weird and feature either of these fine stalwarts of British television entertainment stripped naked and fighting lions in front of a bloodthirsty and sexually aroused crowd. And if there’s no fan fiction describing precisely that scenario then I’ll be very disappointed with the internet. Very disappointed indeed. So, it’s not Des and he’s not naked. What is it then? Well, the plot according to Wikipedia is: The well known star of erotic movies, Isabel Sarli, plays Alicia a single mother who moves to Panama and starts working as a stripper deceiving men and making them the victims of her extortions. Pretty straightforward. I’d not heard of Isabel Sarli before but the retired actress is described as “a cultural icon”, a “sex symbol”, and, most importantly, John Waters really likes her. With gushing praise like that it would be impossible to not love this film, so let’s get on and start loving the film. The film opens on a beach, panning over some discarded bikini...

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SyFy Movies: Road Bees And More
Feb05

SyFy Movies: Road Bees And More

From the always fantastic World of Crap is this list of 10 SyFy Original Movies Coming Soon: Washed up alcoholic alcoholic Fray Bentos (Michael Madsen) is worried about all the bees in his backwater truckstop from hell. So when qualified lifeguard and troubleshooter Dalton Timothy (Tara Reid) comes on the scene, they team up to take out the trash, the lowlives, and the bees that control the government of this backwater West Dakota town. Just part of the description of the Michael Madsen and Tara Reid piece Road Bees. Other movies in the list include Shark Fork and Terrorist Alligator, with each film expertly illustrated...

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An Amateur Movie Adventure
Feb01

An Amateur Movie Adventure

I don’t know why I started on the voyage of discovery that took me on an adventure through movies made on VHS tape and Video8 and Super 8 film recorders of the 1980s and 1990s, I only know that I enjoyed the trip. Professor Pompanickel Goes Terminal – 1992 I first found this short movie on the Internet Archive where I learnt that “Professor Pompanickel calls Gareth over to view his latest invention – a method to traverse the Universal Data Sphere allowing Specialised Security to access data from anywhere, simply and easily.” In some ways this film made me think of that classic work of Canadian film production, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank; computers, virtual interfacing doohickeys, etc. Note the opening part of this film also features a walk through Portsmouth’s Guildhall Square. Beat The System – 1993 The writer, producer, and director of the previous movie led me to this more-polished production made by members of Bournemouth University in 1993. The theme of computers and people interfacing with them – hacking, if you will – carries through but now there’s an Orwellian gameshow element to the film too. Looking for similarities in the big world of big budget productions there’s a hint of The Running Man in this one. Die 6 Astronauten (a Super 8 film by Dagie Brundert, 1992) Every adventure needs a moment of excitement and that comes in this one courtesy of a complete change of pace and something completely unrelated to the first two amateur films. Die 6 Astronauten is a short, stop-motion, art movie featuring six astronauts (you probably guessed) and (you probably guessed this part too) it was filmed on Super 8 stock in 1992 by Dagie Brundert. It’s a wonderful little movie which follows the tiny characters of Hili, P√§vonen, Ngoum, Pirx, Nelson, and Dupont as they explore our world and the treasures that can be found within its open refrigerators. 23 Barbiepuppen kippen um / 23 Barbie Dolls Collapse (1988) From the same art movie maker although a lot earlier in her chosen profession is this oddly mesmerising movie with a series of dolls falling over in different ways. That’s all there is to it. And yet you’ll want to watch it. You’ll want to guess how the next doll will tumble. Fall to the side? Fall on her face? Land on another doll? Compelling stuff. The Afterlife (1984) Something else shot on Super 8, but this time it’s from Ohio native actor and director Damon Packard who produced this short film – not of great quality but that’s half the appeal with these amateur movies – called The...

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Japanese TV Adverts
Jan11

Japanese TV Adverts

I don’t speak Japanese. I think that will become very obvious very quickly as I try to work out what these old TV adverts from Japan, home of bewildering imagery, are actually for. Let’s see. There are giant, flying insects, a man in a baseball uniform, crabs holding yellow boxes with chicken symbols on them, and a wind-up power cord winding in. This is probably an advert for Click Clack Cluck, a natural compound made from crab claws and cockerels that both repels insects and acts as a dampening field for electrical signals. Of course, it doesn’t work because if it did you wouldn’t be able to film the advert because of all the interference. That’s probably why the product ultimately failed in the market if I had to guess. That and the smell. I’m guessing Japanese people sometimes just fork up the money to brag about things. Take this woman who is both proud of her cleavage and her arm wrestling prowess. Watch as she defeats the latest challenger to her crown, an advanced robot killing machine from the Sony Corporation. “There can be only one,” she says with a mixture of pride and derision directed at the nation of Japan at the end. A pretty straightforward public service announcement here. If you’re not a sexual deviant then you can sit down without problems but if you feel the urge to stick things up your back passage then, well, you get what you deserve. In summary: things come out; things don’t go in. A lot is often said about the Japanese attitude towards family, especially elder members of the family, but this advert seems to show that the familial concern goes both ways as a doting grandfather happily shows that where his granddaughter is concerned he’s prepared to give up his arms to manufacture top quality soap for her flawless skin. Some products are so uniquely Japanese – Whale Hunting for Science Diplomas and Godzilla Deterrent Spray are frequently cited in lists like this – and this is another example. Arm Foam now comes in a canister. No more mixing it in a cauldron like your ancestors. If you’ve ever wondered why Japanese people don’t seem to spend much time at the beach – it’s the thought that’s kept me awake at night more often than any other – then the answer may just come from this old commercial which claims to have a juice drink guaranteed to appease the terrifying Bee People, mutant hybrids that inhabit the shorelines of Japan’s islands tormenting anyone foolhardy enough to risk a quick dip in the ocean. Like many adverts I...

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