Viral Bible
Jun14

Viral Bible

Shamelessly inspired by this tweet Inspiring the internet generation to pick up the Bible using a few tips and tricks from the headline writers of viral media websites. This Deity Started With Nothing. What He Achieved In Six Days Will Amaze You! This Bush Catches Fire And Starts Talking And I Still Can’t Believe What It Says! These People Started Counting Israelites. OMG… So Many Israelites! Where These People Set Out From Will Make You Laugh So Much! I Was Shocked That This Army Murdered Men, Women, Children, And Animals. But Then I Saw God Said It Was Okay. LOL! This Old Man Receives Some Bad News. What Happens Next Will Truly Shock You! This King’s Love For Virgins Will End Up Saving His Life! Wow! This Man Replies To His Friend. What He Says Will Bore The Living Shit Out Of You! I Learnt That If You Disobey God He’ll Put You In A Fish. And Now I’ll Never Forget It. This Man’s Wife Is Having Someone Else’s Baby But He’s Sticking By Her. What An Idiot! This Lamb Can Do Some Amazing Things Without Opposable Thumbs. Unbelievable! Craig S. Greenhouse liked this...

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Trouble At The Sunday Assembly
May11

Trouble At The Sunday Assembly

I never was a fan of the idea of The Sunday Assembly, an attempt to provide a non-religious alternative to church modelled very closely on church itself. It’s a bit like vegetarian burgers or sausages; why pretend to be something you’re not? Don’t look like a burger if you’re not a burger. Be your own foul-tasting thing. Have you thought about soya-based dodecahedrons? And it isn’t just the churchiness of the non-church that I don’t like. It’s the high profile, the publicity, the franchising of it as an organisation that smells bad to me. It smells like a business. Do the people attending see themselves as part of a community or as customers? Because I’ve got a sneaking suspicion they’re the latter no matter what they think. I help to run Portsmouth Skeptics in the Pub and the SitP network functions differently. It’s more autonomous, not run from a central point or by a single person, has groups that grow and fade naturally, run by people who want to hear interesting talks and have interesting discussions with no aim to make a profit or form new groups or anything else really. Think of Skeptics in the Pub groups as terrorist cells, independent from one another but able to call on other cells for help, localised, inflicting education and intelligence on victims once a month in the company of alcohol. Think of Sunday Assembly groups as Subway stores, lovely to have around when you’re hungry but you’ve got to remember that their ultimate goal isn’t actually feeding you but increasing the bottom line in a ledger somewhere and finding new markets in which to invest. To reiterate: I’m not a fan of The Sunday Assembly. However, until recently I mostly ignored it as an entity. Just this week, though, I’ve read two interesting articles talking about the organisation. The first article was by Simon Clare – a fellow SitP organiser, running Horsham’s terrorist cell group – who explained why he had left the Sunday Assembly after ten services for Brighton’s franchise. There were developments at “Sunday Assembly Towers” (as the London team call themselves) that I felt that I could not announce to our congregation for fear of losing them. The moment that someone decides to hold back information from their congregation for fear they might disapprove or walk away, is the moment SA ceases to be a wholly positive movement. I love the idea of reclaiming the positive aspects of traditional churches for humanity, but those in charge of the Central SA group have lost sight of this aim, allowing SA to succumb to the same flaws that twisted...

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Boko Haram
May07

Boko Haram

From GQ magazine an article on Boko Haram who are somewhat belatedly making international news for their horrific actions in Nigeria. Boko Haram: Sons of anarchy The article does go some way to showing how small acts can snowball. From an incident involving the not wearing of helmets on bikes to the death of Boko Haram’s spiritual leader Mohammed Yusuf while in custody, and from there to where we are now. In the final hours of 30 July, the forces of the Nigerian state sowed the seeds of the violence that was to come, violence that would replicate the devastation of Maiduguri in towns and villages across the region. There is internet footage of Mohammed Yusuf, heavily bandaged, issuing a stumbling confession in a cell. An hour later, Yusuf was dead, executed without trial. While the police later claimed he’d been trying to escape, witnesses reject this. The 39-year-old Yusuf left behind four wives, 12 children and a legion of enraged followers. Very well worth a read especially as Boko Haram are featuring heavily in the news right now (but how long until that fades?) There’s even a glimmer of hope in the rising of civilians against the terrorist...

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UFOs And The Nation Of Islam
Apr08

UFOs And The Nation Of Islam

There are a lot of religions out there which is pretty strange if you’re an adherent to one that purports to proclaim the one and only truth with the one and only all-powerful creator at its midst. And because there are a lot of religions it’s not particularly feasible for anyone to keep track of them all so sometimes it comes as a bit of surprise to learn about a new one or learn some new fact about the practices of one you’d not been aware of before. So it is with the Nation of Islam, a religious movement I’d only really heard about through exposure to hip hop music, pictures of Louis Farrakhan, and Brother Mouzone from The Wire. I guess my assumption about the group was that they dressed well, spoke well, had a fondness for bow ties, and listened to Public Enemy; overall, a minor and perhaps eccentric branch of Islam, US-centric, with some unsavoury views of the world if Professor Griff was typical of the group members. Today, though, through one of my Google Alerts I learned something else about the Nation of Islam: its patriarch, Elijah Muhammed, apparently met God (which is nice) and God showed him his UFOs(*). This comes courtesy of this article written by Safiyyah Muhammad: Hollywood and the portrayal of UFOs. Another religious movement that features UFOs. Ah, that’s just wonderful. Of course, it’s easy to roll your eyes and mutter “really?” under your breath but when you think about it at least there’s some microscopic thread that attaches a UFO-based cult to reality (no, I’m not advocating anything put forward on Ancient Aliens). The same can’t be said for deities appearing as animals or bushes or swiftly covering planets in water as part of a benevolent genocide, to name but a few preposterous events. The aforementioned article isn’t a great read but by all means give it a go if you want to learn how much money Independence Day grossed at the box office and whether Minister Farrakhan’s favourite sci-fi movie is The Day The Earth Stood Still or Plan 9 From Outer Space(**). So what do we know about these UFOs and what evidence do we have for them? I’ll answer that latter question first with an interpretive dance that involves rolling on the floor and convulsing with mimed laughter, holding my sides tightly, and then leaping up to perform a move reminiscent of a Whirling Dervish at full speed in order to symbolise my innards spilling out in all directions, unable to remain within the confines of my body any longer as the muscles and tissue gives...

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Tunisian Prostitution And Islam
Mar12

Tunisian Prostitution And Islam

Courtesy of Al Jazeera I got to reading about the case of a group of Tunisian sex workers whose livelihood was violently taken away from them all in the name of morality, subsequently leaving them dependent on the state and the charity of others for support. Tunisia sex workers demand brothel reopening I know that some people have a problem with prostitution and that opponents can easily rattle off an interminable list of the many associated examples of sex trafficking, drug abuse, physical abuse, etc. that we’re told go hand-in-hand with the sex industry but at the core it’s a job selling a commodity, a supply satisfying a demand, and if it were regulated like a proper business, treated as a profession like any other, and left alone by the self-appointed moral interferers then those associated traits would diminish and – wibbly wobbly vision of Utopia comes into view – maybe vanish completely. Okay, that’s not going to happen any time soon because there are far too many people in the world who seem to think that what consenting adults do with one another somehow affects them. These people are, typically, religious. And arseholes. Let’s not forget that they’re arseholes. The ones who aren’t religious are, typically, fundamentalist-minded for some other cause. And also arseholes. Let’s not forget that they’re arseholes too. What I’m trying to say here is that if what happens between two (or more) consenting adults is something you feel you’ve got an opinion on and must try to prevent or modify then you are an arsehole. But back to the linked story about the Tunisian sex workers. This story appeared on the internet and, as such, that means that one of the laws of the internet was subsequently evoked: Commenters Will Emerge. Where are their husbands? Citizen_Of_Islam Husbands are the solution to all of life’s problems. If these women had husbands then everything would be fine for no woman who ever had a husband ever suffered. Alas! is this a state where most of the population are Muslim? Then why there exist sex slavery? Give them scope for repentance (Tauba), help them with food, shelter, dignity, if possible with husband. Those who are culprit punish them through legal court. Sex selling could not be a honorable job, hence, all should come forward to abolish it. Dr Gazi Ullah Sex selling is not honourable. Dr Gazi Ullah has spoken on this subject and he’s got a doctorate in Honourable Professions from the University of Honourable Employment in Honouristan (yet to break into the top 1000 of the QS World Rankings of top universities) so that should...

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The Uncensored Bible Strikes Back
Oct17

The Uncensored Bible Strikes Back

People often come to this site looking for uncensored passages and chapters from the bible. It’s true. And there’s a reason for that: it’s only here that you’ll find extracts from the one bible that rules them all. Old Wumpard’s Uncensored Bible is the only bible not to have been rewritten by scholars and whatever religious faction was constructing a Christian history that most closely fit with their present-day goals at the time. The exact reason for this may never be known for certain but some people (maybe just me) have indicated it could be some form of divine protection; evidence – if you will – for an increasingly sceptical world that there is some incredible entity that encompasses all of creation, that caused us to come into being with the power of thought alone, and which sought to end suffering in the world inhabited by His children by overseeing the contradictory compilation of the history of a small and violent region of the world that hadn’t embraced writing yet along with differing accounts of the life of one man by people who didn’t know him, all the while ignoring anything happening anywhere else on the planet safe in the knowledge that the Truth would spread quickly and bring stability and lasting peace to everyone. That God: what a guy! But you didn’t come here for a history lesson about the bible. You came here because you want to cast your eyes over more parts of the bible other bibles dare not print. You won’t find these verses in the King James version of the bible. There’s nothing like this sort of information in the Douay-Rheims 1899 American edition of the bible. Young’s Literal Translation hasn’t translated anything you’ll find in these uncensored parts of the bible. New International Version? New? People want the old bible, thank you very much! So, without further obvious padding, on with some more select parts of Old Wumpard’s Uncensored Bible. "And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, a Man stood opposite him with His sword drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, ‘That’s not a sword. This is a sword.’ But the Man had not seen Crocodile Dundee and didn’t get the reference." Joshua 5:13 "Now the Angel of the Lord came and sat under the terebinth tree which was in Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon threshed wheat in the winepress, in order to hide it from the Midianites. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him, and...

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