The Uncensored Bible Strikes Back
Oct17

The Uncensored Bible Strikes Back

People often come to this site looking for uncensored passages and chapters from the bible. It’s true. And there’s a reason for that: it’s only here that you’ll find extracts from the one bible that rules them all. Old Wumpard’s Uncensored Bible is the only bible not to have been rewritten by scholars and whatever religious faction was constructing a Christian history that most closely fit with their...

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The Time Of Many Elephants
Dec23

The Time Of Many Elephants

Today’s reading comes from the book of Pachydermia, Chapter 4. 1We are in the last days before The Time Of Many Elephants. 2You will know the eve of the day from the clouds in the sky and the grass on the ground. Both will take on a bit of a grey tinge. 3Look then unto the north and cup your hands behind your ears so that you may better hear the approaching horde. Also, so that you may resemble their holy shape and be spared the...

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Cardinal Keith O’Brien Makes Me A Tad Angry
Mar04

Cardinal Keith O’Brien Makes Me A Tad Angry

I find it interesting that those who proclaim most loudly that they are men or women of peace and that they wish most to promote the loving (that’s the Orwellian definition of loving, of course) word of whichever one of the many sky fairies they pretend give them instructions are demonstrably the very same people who encourage the most hatred in the world. Another week and another religious figure crawls out from his...

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Lord George Carey Makes Me A Tad Angry
Feb25

Lord George Carey Makes Me A Tad Angry

Knobhead Lord George Carey, former Archbishop of Canterbury, is so very desperate to ensure that only men and women (species: unspecified) should marry one another that he has taken to using the word “logic” in arguments. I know! A grown man so mentally-challenged with irrational thoughts he believes in pixies, unicorns, magic rainbows, the healing power of leprechauns, flying trees, clouds with eyes, monsters under the...

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Old Wumpard’s Uncut Bible
May08

Old Wumpard’s Uncut Bible

Some people just can’t get enough of Old Wumpard’s Uncensored Bible. We call these people Fundamentalist Lunatics and, ordinarily, we would like nothing better than to have nothing to do with Fundamentalist Lunatics. However, since switching my content management system to WordPress I’ve been able to write a few plugins that capture more information about visitors than was possible before and one startling result of...

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What I Don’t Like About Christians
Feb23

What I Don’t Like About Christians

Here’s what I don’t like about Christians: I don’t like those beards they have. Beards and no moustaches? What’s that all about? Now those hats are quite funky – a hat is a good thing and more people should wear hats – but that whole no moustache, full beard-look going on is just plain wrong. If God had wanted beards and no moustaches he would have bloody well given men beards and no moustaches....

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