Britain First: Misunderstood Athletes
Jun19

Britain First: Misunderstood Athletes

A friend shared a link on Facebook which included an image and quote from Britain First’s Jayda Fransen: On the face of it that’s a pretty damning quote implying anyone considered to be a traitor by Jayda and her chums will be killed. The problem with quotes like that, though, is that they’re all too easy to take out of context. Just because Britain First is filled with racists and people unable to get jobs through a lack of social or technical skills plus an inability to learn anything new (or old for that matter), and just because Britain First’s members are anger-filled, violent subhumans it doesn’t automatically follow that Jayda Fransen was necessarily saying that a lynching (the sort of thing that used to happen to dark-skinned people a lot) would be the end result for anyone considered traitors to the really small-minded (really small-minded) organisation that considers itself Christian mostly because it’s kinda guessing what happens later in the Bible but hasn’t really got past the first half of Genesis so far as a collective. But they’re really trying to crack three-syllable words any day now. Good luck Britain First. In fact, in this case – and it’s always worth doing your research on quotes for things like this – Jayda’s comments were a simple call for a sporting competition in order to build some team spirit with “the enemy”. It followed on from someone taking the time – three and half years in this case – to sit down and explain what had just gone on in the London Olympics. So there you go. Sure, they’re amongst the worst scum of the Earth but always engage your sceptical mind when considering whether everything Britain First says is just pure hate and...

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Invictus Games: UK Versus USA
Apr30

Invictus Games: UK Versus USA

When Barack Obama and Michelle Obama challenge Prince Harry with respect to the upcoming Invictus Games he brings out the big gun in response…...

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American Football Analysis
Oct28

American Football Analysis

Many, many moons ago I wrote a fairly popular article explaining American Football for beginners. For more advanced and ever-so-slightly more useful analysis of the sport of American Football as well as explanation of some of the terms used I can recommend Inside The Pylon. If you’ve already got an interest in the sport but aren’t that familiar with the terms “‘A’ Gap” or “Cover 6” or you’d like to see a breakdown of just why a recent play worked out the way it did then it’s a great source of football...

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Orbital Snooker 2000
Aug18

Orbital Snooker 2000

The late 1970s saw a flood of speculative sporting instruction manuals hit book shelves including some of the more well-known such as Mixed Tug O’ War (Punk Edition), Rally Car Jousting, and Table Polo. Those books, at least, had some chance of actually being played but the same couldn’t be said for the end of the decade’s Orbital Snooker 2000 by Irish author Lee Ayres. Ayres was a reasonably well-respected futurist and extrapolated then present day materials and technologies into the heady days of the twenty first century to come up with the rules of the game he considered would become the opium of the world’s populations. It was his intention to become the father of the sport and cash in on global licencing rights but his vision of coloured mile-wide spheres of graphene piloted by the criminal masses of competing nations attempting to knock their opponents into the sun and gain their freedom was just a little too expensive to...

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Deflategate Audio Transcripts
Jan24

Deflategate Audio Transcripts

The world of American Football is on edge as we await the concocted results of the NFL‘s incredible in-depth investigation into the manufactured outrage around Deflategate, that terrifying event between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts that is – at least in the NFL’s and the media’s “minds” – more serious than killing dogs, more harmful to the sport than beating up women in elevators, and more heinous than rewarding players for injuring opponents: playing a game with a ball ever-so-slightly less inflated with air than in the rule book! Some evidence has emerged… Intercepted telephone call #1: Four rings… Hello? (digitally altered voice) Listen very carefully, I will say this only once… Fucking telemarketers! Why don’t you all burn in a ditch?! Intercepted telephone call #2: Three rings… Hello? (digitally altered voice) Do not hang up, this is… What the hell is this shit? Is this someone playing a prank? (digitally altered voice) I am your NFL handler with instruc… What?! A robot? Why is a robot handling…? (no-longer digitally-altered voice) Oh for the love of money! This is your handler with explicit instructions regarding… I have a handler? What’s a handler? (sighs) Yes you have a handler! If you want to officiate in the NFL then yes, absolutely, you definitely have a handler and that’s me. Okay? Well… okay. I suppose. What’s your name? No names! You may refer to me as Agent L. Are you good L? I said no names! Oh! Oh, right, yes, yes, sorry. Sorry, I thought you were asking if I was Goodell. I’m just L. Okie dokie. What can I do for you then Agent Good L, wink, wink? Stop that! I have an important mission for you. If you do this right then I’ll see to it that you officiate in Superbowl fifty. Ooh! That’ll be nice. I hope it’s a simple mission. Indeed it is. You’ll be checking Tom Brady’s balls before the Colts game… Hey! That’s a horrible lie! I glanced that one time and that was all. I would never do that again! You know, I don’t think blackmail will work on… Shut up, shut up, shut up! How can you lot be so inept all the time? Before the game, okay?, the New England Patriots hand in their balls, okay?, and you check them, okay?, and then they go out onto the field, okay? Okay? Okay. Underinflate the balls on the way. That is all. Take all the air out? No! Just enough! Just enough to be below the allowed amount. Enough to increase the chances of the Colts winning. Hang on. Does the...

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Soccer Is Running America Into The Ground
Jun21

Soccer Is Running America Into The Ground

“Soccer is running America into the ground, and there is very little anyone can do about it.” So starts an email to blogger Avicenna who then proceeds to pick apart the preposterous points raised by “an overworked teacher” in the post I Get Mail – How Soccer is Ruining ‘Merica. The arguments made by the teacher are the typical fare you’d expect from someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about but they’re worth reading nonetheless especially if you happen to like football and like despairing of humans. I know I do. Of particular interest to me was this quote from the teacher (just after expressing his sexist attitude labelling football as “a game for girls”: My daughter is on a traveling team, and she is quite good. I had to sign a form that said, among other things, I would not do anything embarrassing to her or the team during the game. I told the coach I could not sign it. She was perplexed and worried. “Why not,” she asked? “Are you one of those parents who yells at their kids?” “Not at all,” I replied, “I read books on the sidelines during the game, and this embarrasses my daughter to no end.” That is my one way of protesting the rise of this pitiful sport. Screw the fact your daughter may enjoy the sport you can’t comprehend. The most important thing is to embarrass her away from the game. A petty, domineering, sexist teacher who thinks soccer is ruining...

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