Beijing Olympics With The BBC

… but of course the games have been overshadowed by the protests.

That’s right Sue. It’s been one of the most controversial games since records began in Queen Anne’s time. Possibly before.

Fireworks have started! At last! You can stop talking now!

OlympicsA lot of people have been talking about Tibet in the lead-up to these games.

Yeah, I know, could hardly hit a news website or switch the TV on without one of you talking about it. Now, quiet down, the ceremony has started.

It’s been something of an embarrassment for the Chinese government, don’t you think?

I think so. You know, what with everyone talking about it.

It’s not everyone, it’s just you lot, and you’re doing it over the ceremony so will you please just give it a rest.

Everyone has been talking about it, yes, but what do the Chinese people themselves think about it?

Who the fuck cares any longer! It’s started! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Well, I think most Chinese aren’t even aware of the situation because of the oppressive blocking of outside new sources that might have casually mentioned something about the oppression at some point in the months prior to the games starting. Oh, what was that?!

I’m not sure; I was looking at my page of notes titled "Socially Unacceptably Rude Political Belittling Topics To Use While At The Olympics For All The People Watching The Sports Ceremony Just For The Political Commentary From Sports Journalists Because They Do Exist, They Really Do."

Ha ha! Yes, me too. Anyway, why don’t we watch some of the ceremony now?

Motherf … sonsof … calm down Mark, calm down, watch the drummers and fireworks … relax … ooh, that’s impressive … man, London 2012 is going to suck after this … I wonder what noise two thousand pearly kings and queens would make … oh, that was good!

Oh, that was good!

Yes it was Sue. The fireworks are certainly impressive. I’m not sure it will be helping with the smog levels though, ha ha!

Don’t you go there. Don’t you dare go there.

No, you’re probably right. Pollution has been a big talking point in the run-up to these games here in Beijing. Because there’s been pollution that you can see. And we’ve been talking about it.

That’s right. The IOC do say that levels are fine.

But they’re not as low as the World Health Organisation say they could and should be and that’s a bad thing.

It is a bad thing.

I agree it’s a bad thing.

A bad thing and no mistake.

I am going to get a gun and shoot myself.

I wonder how the competitors will cope tomorrow since many of them won’t be used to the levels of pollution that will be present despite the massive clean-up.

I wonder that too. I really wonder how the athletes will cope with the smog even if it is better than it has been because smog can affect athletes and smog comes from pollution and there’s a lot of pollution in China. A lot of people have been talking about it and I wonder how some people will cope.

Do you wonder that too children?


Sorry, I … er … ooh, the scroll thing! Now we’ve seen this already earlier in the week and it’s really quite impressive. If you look now you’ll see it’s unrolling and the images are moving about on it.

I’m trying to watch, I’m trying to be impressed, I’m getting distracted by your talking, will you shut the fucking fuck up!

Very impressive.

Very impressive. So organised.

I’m very impressed by how the Chinese authorities have put together this impressive opening ceremony. It’s very impressive and I’m very impressed.

Unlike the clampdown on protesters and the smog, of course.

Oh, yes, I’m not impressed by that. A lot of people have been talking about those … oh, that was good wasn’t it!

What? I was reading my notes again. I was going to talk about the polluted water since there’s a maritime theme coming up in a few seconds. Did you know the Chinese have polluted water?

I did know that. A lot of people have been talking about the water levels and the pollution in the lead-up to the Olympics.

Because the pollution isn’t just in the air forming smog that we can see. It’s also in the water. A lot of people have been talking about that.

I’m going to shoot them first, I’ve decided.

That’s very nice, isn’t it? Very well choreographed and you’ll notice that Chinese history is being represented in small chunks during this opening ceremony.

But apparently they won’t be showcasing any of the opium wars or the communist revolution during this opening ceremony? Are you surprised by that?

I am surprised! For a ceremony that’s supposed to show the history of the country it does seem odd that they’ll ignore some of recent history. They won’t even highlight the oppression of Tibetans which I think is surprising.

Very surprising. Probably political.

Ooh, politics really shouldn’t enter the spirit of the Olympic Games but I am surprised at the surprising omission of any mention of Chinese political oppression during this opening ceremony.

Olympics NewsWhat the … ?!?!! You’ve done nothing but talk about politics during this you fu … Do you think London’s going to have a special "Our Glorious Slave Trade Heritage" or "Tribute To Palestine And Northern Ireland" sections or … ah, damnit, I’m talking politics now, for the love of the Otter King will you please just shut up!?

It’s been an impressive and surprising opening ceremony and now we’re entering the stage where the more modern era is represented. A lot of bright colours here.

If the smog levels were as high as they’ve been recently then they wouldn’t have been so bright. Although they are bright. But they might not have been if the pollution was worse than it is.

No, that’s right. Smog and pollution can dull colours. Can you spell "pollution" children?


Oh, er … look at the not-as-bright-as-they-could-be but still brighter-than-they-might-have been colours of all the traditional outfits that the different ethnic groups that make up China are wearing here now.

Yes, many people might not realise that China consists of different ethnic groups.

The ones who skipped school or live in caves, maybe. Come on BBC! We’re not morons!

Although some groups have been in the news recently.

Oh no, not again, I’m trying to watch the people with lights on their outfits, please.

Oppressed groups.

Yes, oppressed groups.

Groups who’ve been oppressed have been in the news, that’s true.

It’s because China’s oppressive, isn’t it?

That’s right. A lot of people have been talking about that before the Olympic Games started.

And during, don’t forget during, and forget the gun because I’ve decided knifey knifey is going to be more satisfying going forward. Shut up!

Oh look, there’s President Bush and Vladimir Putin! It’s nice to see the two of them here.

It is nice. Controversial. But nice.


That’s right. Because of all the controversy.

What sort of controversy?

Well, there’s been the pollution and the oppression and the water and Tibet.

Of course! That’s something a lot of people have been talking about in the weeks leading up to these Olympic Games in Beijing.

That’s right.

Well, I wonder what Mr Bush and Mr Putin think about China. It must be strange to be in a country that frequently ignores human rights and has a history of locking people away with no legal recourse, suppressing freedom of speech when it suits them, spying on its own citizens, causing ecological damage for the benefit of industry, and having troops in other countries that claim they have no right to be there and would rather be independent.

It must be very strange indeed.

Very strange.

Incredibly strange.

Can you spell "strange" children?


Ouch! That’s a sharp knife. Right, I’m off out for a bit.

Author: Mark

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  1. I agree – the BBC’s coverage of the opening ceremony was appalling.

    Particularly bad was Huw Edwards’ preamble for all Arabian countries: ‘oil rich’ (as in ‘the oil-rich country of Bahrain has entered the stadium’ as if they oozed the stuff and athletes behind them better watch out because they might slip up).

    I hope someone can violate the human rights of the commentators and lock them up for a bit.

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  2. I’m adding this observation since the press is speculating that Georgian team is about to pull out Beijing Olympics

    Mr Putin take a leaf outta Mr Bush’s Democracy blueprint
    Invade the entire country Put the State Heads on trail, and usher in elections with your own place men as candidates

    err…. sorry scrub that! For that would be trampling on the sovereign rights of an independent nation wouldn’t it, After all only America and Britain have the right to decide what constitutes Democracy

    I have it on good authority (following that well troden BBC route – I made it up) you can’t trust those Ruskies ‘Cause if you cut ’em they will bleed communist blood they also eat babies you know

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  3. I will never be so happy to see the Olympics over and done with… and, I gaurantee, we’ll still be discussing this year’s Olympics by 2012!
    Great post!

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  4. I’ve now lost track of how many anti-Chinese stories have come out in the last few days. If one were cynical one might suspect there was a concerted attempt to paint the Chinese in a bad light on purpose to take away from what’s turning out to be a well organised Olympics. Lets see shall we? Fake fireworks (that anyone with eyes could tell were fake so where’s the story?), girl not singing live (that again anyone with eyes could see so why did the story only come out the day following the fireworks scandal dying down? Oh I think I’ve answered my own question there) and empty seats at some events such as the thrill fest of pyjama pulling or Judo as it’s known (which has never happened before and would never happen in London and you’d be some sort of communist sympathiser if you thought otherwise). You’d hope the BBC was above it all but it looks like their journos are just as driven to concoct stories rather than report on them as everyone else.

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  5. I did feel sorry for the girl that wasn’t allowed to sing though. The story I read was that she was deemed ‘too ugly’ but had the best voice – so she sang it, while a ‘prettier’ little girl mimed. Jeez – the poor kid is only 7 – if that’s not going to mentally scar her for the rest of her life I don’t know what will (besides, I thought she looked quite sweet anyway – See here – what do you expect from a 7-year old, a damn supermodel?).

    The funniest thing was the UK paper that reported this (probably the Sun or some similar dross) made a song and dance about how bad the Chinese were for doing this, but then described the little kid as ‘buck-toothed’, another article called her chubby – talk about sticking the boot in…

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  6. And here I thought only the Brits received ridicule for poor dental work. Huh. I guess you learn something new every day right? I think a not-so-silent protest might be in order for this type of human rights violation. I can see it now; a sea of drunken tooth decay forgetting whatever-the-hell-they-where-doing-there-in-the-frist-place swaying to and fro singing whatever the fack you guys sing about when you’re drunk. Should be uniting to say the least. But then again I could be wrong. But I doubt it. HI MARK!?! LOL LMAO A/S/L!!!!!!!11111 Can you see me?

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