It is a sad sign of the economically gloomy times in which we live when you can't even leave old people on the bench while you're out shopping without the risk of some desperate or just plain nasty person nicking them and selling them on for food, drink, or drugs. The West Sussex police force in Chichester, at least, are trying to stamp down on the high levels of "geriatric-nabbing" by using bait pensioners.
Each pensioner is fitted with a tracking device worn under the second cardigan beneath the vest below the third shirt level of clothing; this makes it difficult – and quite gruesome – to locate. Additionally, the pensioner can be controlled remotely to pee itself, swing its walking sticks threateningly, and ramble on about young people, bloody foreigners, and a confusing array of wars in which it fought.
West Sussex police are using bait pensioners. Thieves beware! You have been warned.
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