I'm always looking for ways to improve the world – sure, not everyone approves of my eugenics experiments and the way I recently tampered with the planet's grasses in an attempt to bioengineer flame-resistant cattle (I still firmly believe that ordering steak "well done" is one of the leading causes of unrest on Earth) – so I was immensely pleased to stumble upon a demonstration taking place in Manchester last weekend where it seemed they shared my ambitions.
I tried to determine just how it was that they were planning to improve things but couldn't spot a mad-scientist-looking individual amongst the throng. Eventually, though, I did see a gentleman holding up what appeared to be step one in the group's masterplan. I stopped him.
"Throw the tories out?" I asked him. "Interesting. Interesting. And then what? Robotic dictatorship? Benevolent… or otherwise?"
I pointed at the paper he was holding. "Throw the tories out," I said, reading it out loud for him but adding a definite article as I felt it was missing one. "No population pacification through cloud-seeding flights? No regional competitions to win liberty points? Womb-based citizen training?"
"Yeah, throw the tories out," he agreed with a puzzled look.
"Is that it?" I asked.
"It's a start," he replied, flashing me a nasty smile.
I pondered his response for a second. "But then they'll be unemployed," I said. "That hardly seems like a better world at all. Who will fill the important niche role of a self-serving group of the barely tolerable heaping misery on the masses with scant regard for anyone else?"
"That's where the trade unions come in," he said.
I let him carry on with his march then and shook my head sadly. Their plan needed a new banner; one that read A World Very Much Like This One Is Likely might do the job. And lasers. A really good plan needs lasers.
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